Using the Fat Man For Revenge (893 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.3 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <murphydog5.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-08-24 19:21:33 EDT
A few days ago I was taking the bus to work. It started out just as
ordinary as any other day, but this bus ride would prove to be anything BUT
ordinary. The routine was the same, I closed my eyes when the bus pulled
up to avoid getting shit in my eyes when the door swung open, I displayed
my pass to the complacent and miserable bus operator, and then I found a
seat somewhere near the back of the bus. Then I opened my book, currently
Blue Blood, and began to read. Then all of the sudden, I got an atrocious
whiff of something atrocious. I knew that smell immediately.
It was this enormous fat man who had boarded the bus at the next stop. I
recognized the smell as uniquely big fatty fat smell; sort the dead-rat
shitty death smell. I don't know where it comes from on the big fatties,
the source of the smell (maybe their PORES, or their unclean stinky
sweat-marinated ass, you tell me). I turned and confirmed my assumption,
as this enormous man sat on an aisle seat, facing the side of the bus, his
legs fully extended to accommodate his big fat belly, and his wide ass
hogging up two seats. He was wearing sweatpants with retard/old people
Velcro shoes and a XXXXX large T-shirt. His goopy fat gut busted out the
bottom ring of his shirt and his sweat pants weren't quite large enough, so
the result was a two-inch ring of fat exposed flesh around the
circumference of his waistline. And he stunk so bad I had to close my
book.
I looked out the window, trying to breathe through my mouth, before I
remembered that our sense of smell, as human beings, is directly related to
our sense of taste. I didn't want to taste the smell of fatty. So I just
pressed my face as close to the open slit of the window as I could get,
gulping up as much stink-free fresh air as I could get. The smell was so
pungent, though, that the fresh air was still tainted with filth. I
thought about revenge. For some reason, not AGAINST the fat man, the
beached wale hog, but USING the fat man.
Here's what I mean: I didn't want to hurt this man; really I just wanted
to get as far away from this man as possible. But he made me angry, having
violated my personal space with his vile. So I started to think angry
thoughts, and one of my angry thoughts is Karin. I hate her. I don't
really know why. I just do. She's a piece of shit, with her crooked yellow
teeth and her blank, absent eyes. She's stupid. A waste of life. And she
hurts people. So I had a plan.
My friend, who is in medical school, was talking about different rotations
that a potential doctor must go through. I asked which one was the most
profitable, if this rotation turned in to a residency turned in to a
practice. He said, there are a few, but he mentioned Dermatology. I said,
ewww... looking at peoples skin problems all day. And he said, yeah, and
nodded, that familiar look, like he didn't want to do that either. But,
during the course of our conversation, somehow fat people came up. The
really fat ones, with rolls of flesh, they develop rashes between the rolls
of fat. Sweat, dirt, and bacteria all rub against each other in some sort
of shit soup, and it's contained within the rolls. Without daily cleaning,
this can turn in to a serious skin infection. So here was my plan.
Sneak up on bus-fatty with a Q-tip. Somehow distract him long enough to
get a good swab from between two of his many rolls (YOINK!). Then take my
precious swab to Karin's house, and swab the sample all over her
pillowcase.
I can picture it. She comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped around
his boobs, dangling mid-calf. She's humming. She uses a Q-tip to clean
her ears, brushes her honkin' teeth, and slips in to a nightgown. Her hair
is up in a bun and she's tired... looking real forward to just MELTING in to
her sheets. She sits at the edge of her bed, her boobs nearly resting on
her knees, and she sets the alarm clock, still humming to herself. Then
she clicks off the nightstand lamp and takes a deep breath in. She exhales
as she puts her head on the pillow and rubs it around, getting comfortable,
sinking deeper.
Then she breathes through her nose, inhales real deep, and smells the
concentrated version of what I fucking had to deal with.
Bitch.
The End.
Murphy
User Reviews
Submitted by settle (user info) at 2005-09-02 04:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-08-30 03:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
heh
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2005-08-25 08:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Big pendulous breasts make me queasy too, and I don't play for the other team.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-08-08 20:34:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
Swords + Airborne Infantry?
-------
You said your last post was based on a true story, explain yourself man!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-25 03:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just like junkies when they're 'jones'n', the spray from a shower must feel like razor blades.
And like junkies, it's the fragrance of......Death
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-25 03:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2005-08-24 20:24:34 (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh.
The writing quality was poor. """
Turd.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-25 03:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by pharmgirl147 (user info) at 2005-08-25 00:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I worked as an intern at a pharmacy and had to deal with fetid, reeky fat people every day.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-08-24 23:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha. Any post that mentions fat rolls gives me a chuckle.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-08-24 22:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Like totally y arent everybody skinny and cool and junk, like so ewwww dude. So get a job you can afford a car n not have to deal yaknow??
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-08-24 22:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Liek, OMFG - both Murphy AND Insane here on the same day!!!!!1!!!wun!!
Submitted by Mister (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:58:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just ew...
Yuck.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:46:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nasty thoughts Murphy.
Disgusting actually.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're one crazy fruit. Yes you are.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-08-24 20:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm confused, but amused.
Submitted by Pullmystrings07 (user info) at 2005-08-24 20:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who's Karin!?
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-08-24 20:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fat people should like, go on a diet.
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2005-08-24 20:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh.
The writing quality was poor.
Submitted by Pullmystrings07 (user info) at 2005-08-24 20:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who's karin?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-24 19:46:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nic erevenge
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-08-24 19:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dang, Murph.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-08-24 19:40:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gross.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-08-24 19:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was I there?
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-08-24 19:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmkay.
This wouldn't have anything to do with the most heated list, would it?
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-24 19:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
for the writing,
Tubby cunts need love too.