UberWisdom (674 hits)
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Submitted by Thanatos (View user info) at 2005-08-24 21:18:56 EDT
I've been hitting up uber on and off for more than 2 years. In that time I've grabbed quotes that make make me laugh, or stuff that makes me think. He's a bit of it. Pretty much all of it is blatantly stolen from posts, or quotes of famous people. If you don't like it, fuck off.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. "
-Albert Einstein
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
--George burns ... I think
A couple from The Greatest....
"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."
"I don't know about angels, but it's fear that gives men wings."
-Max Payne
"Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!"
-Dave Attell
There once was a guy named Dave
Who found a dead hooker in a cave
She was ugly as sin, looked like Rin Tin Tin
But think of the money he'd save
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest English.
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought
And sheathed their swords for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'
Woman (to President Calvin Coolidge): I have a bet with some friends that I can get you to say at least three words to me this evening.
President CC: You lose.
Winston Churchill " Madam I may be a drunken boor, but in the morning I shall be sober, whereas you will still be ugly".
"Look, we all have something to bring to this conversation, but I think what you should bring is silence."
Rimmer, Red Dwarf
"We call that person who has lost his father an orphan, and a man who has lost his wife a widower. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent, and holds its peace in impotence." - Joseph Roux
At age 24:
Nelly Bly made a solo trip around the world in less than 80 days for the New York World, beating Phileas Fogg's fictional record.
Radioastronomy grad student Jocelyn Bell Burnell observed an unknown signal from outer space; this resulted in the discovery of pulsars.
John Couch Adams became the first person to predict the position of a planetary mass beyond Uranus.
Johannes Kepler defended the Copernican theory and described the structure of the solar system.
Entrepreneur Ted Turner took over his father's billboard advertising business. He later launched CNN.
Tracy Chapman released her first album, winning three Grammies.
Scottish physician Mungo Park became the first European to reach the West African interior.
Edgar Allen Poe won a $50 prize for the story "MS. Found in a Bottle."
Noah Webster published a spelling book.
Isaac Pitman devised the first scientific shorthand system.
Security guard Frank Wills alerted D.C. police to the Watergate break-ins.
"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test2.mv?stat=1&xyz=23
Fifth Level of Hell
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The river Styx runs through this level of Hell, and in it are punished the wrathful and the gloomy. The former are forever lashing out at each other in anger, furious and naked, tearing each other piecemeal with their teeth. The latter are gurgling in the black mud, slothful and sullen, withdrawn from the world. Their lamentations bubble to the surface as they try to repeat a doleful hymn, though with unbroken words they cannot say it. Because you lived a cruel, vindictive and hateful life, you meet your fate in the Styx.
I think it was Steven Covey that said it all best about living your life."Imagine seeing your funeral and the eulogy from 4 people in your life. A close friend, a coworker, your wife and children and a neighbor. What would you like to hear from them about yourself. Write each persons eulogy as you'd like to hear it . Now.....What will it take from you as a person to live up to that eulogy." Pretty good advice. I highly recommend Steven Coveys "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" as a afternoon read.
Since this thing happened, I've been feeling more in tune with being alive. I've embraced my mortality a bit more. For so much of my life, I have functioned as more of an observer of my life than a participant in it.
But honestly believing you are going to die lets you see some things very clearly.
I only have so much time here. If there are things I don't like about my life, I need to change them.
To that end, this is my mission statement; this is my manifesto; this is my list:
I will tell my son that I love him every single day, even if he can't understand what I'm saying yet. I will continue to do so even when he gets old enough to make it embarrassing for both of us.
I will let my wife know how much she means to me. Every day.
I will stay in touch with my friends. I will call them regularly and listen to them when they talk.
I will read the Bible regularly. Not as an academic study, but with an eye to how I need to reform my daily actions.
I will begin training for the eventual goal of running a marathon.
I will make sure that my tub-of-lard dog is right there with me.
I will eat more fruits and vegetables and fewer donuts.
I WILL ride my skateboard to and from my parking spot to the office. Fuck whoever looks at me weird.
I will not let the little snipes my wife takes at me get to me. She doesn't mean them negatively, I only hear them that way.
I will purchase the tools necessary to begin teaching myself how to work in stained glass.
I will pick up where I left off on writing my fantasy novel masterpiece.
I will actively cultivate the flora in my back yard.
I will iron my slacks regularly and stop relying on Downy Wrinkle Releaser (but damn that stuff is awesome).
I will switch from coffee to tea.
I will NEVER again try to sneak a chew while wearing a nicotine patch.
I will schedule regular doctor's and dentist's visits.
I will stop second-guessing myself into ineffectiveness at work. I know as much or more than the people around me and I will start acting like it.
I will stop waiting for my life to happen and start making it happen, so that when my time comes I will not be faced with a life flashing before me that does not make me proud.
Submitted by JayDeath (user info) at 2004-06-09 12:01:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Freedom of speech just isn't so free anymore.
For real:
"Fuckin'-- What the fuckin' fuck-- Who the fuck-- Fuck this fuckin'-- How did you two fuckin' fucks-- Fuck!"
- David Della Rocco, The Boondock Saints
Submitted by romgosgotabrandnewcar (user info) at 2004-06-07 20:55:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope when you have kids they have small dicks...........and that INCLUDES the girls!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-09-16 16:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
SPITOOOOEY
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-09-12 15:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
QUIT POSTING ABSOLUTE SHIT.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-25 13:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
a few gems buried amonst a bunch of shit.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-25 13:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ppintless
Submitted by THE_MASKED_MACABRE (user info) at 2005-08-25 13:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If it wasn't for my excesive abuse of that Downy Wrinkle Releaser, I would have been saved!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-25 09:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Fuckin'-- What the fuckin' fuck-- Who the fuck-- Fuck this fuckin'-- How did you two fuckin' fucks-- Fuck!"
- David Della Rocco, The Boondock Saints
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HEY! I said that first!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-25 09:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-25 03:15:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Since this thing happened, I've been feeling more in tune with being alive."""
that bit sounds like teephahah/itchy.
Was it?
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IT WAS!!!!!!!!!!!! (The Little Drunkard that Could. By: itchy)
WOO HOO!!!! I'm famous!!!!!
Glad you liked it, sir. I seem to find myself in some good company here. Thanks.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-08-25 07:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coolness.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:31:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
I can see this did it for some people, but I can't say that I was one of them
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Gotta say I'm with Mr. X there on this one. I'm in a pretty good mood though so I'll leave you with two very important quotes from the Berty hall of fame:
Evil begets evil.
The answers are always easy, it's the phrasing of them that's tricky.
More coffee! (That's a statement I'm making now, not a Bertyism)
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was reading the list of quotes with a steadily growing sense of awe and humility, Then the small dicks quote.......colour me laughing.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-25 03:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-25 03:14:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-08-25 02:50:45 (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh, could have been better...
...if you included a pinch of rape and a dash of skullfucking. (damnit, Rad's getting to me) """
Yes, and RAD IS COPYING APOLLO.
-------------------------
apollo is the master and rad is merely the student.
Shandy is missing in action. I think he is on some island beach somewhere...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-25 03:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since this thing happened, I've been feeling more in tune with being alive."""
that bit sounds like teephahah/itchy.
Was it?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-25 03:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-08-25 02:50:45 (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh, could have been better...
...if you included a pinch of rape and a dash of skullfucking. (damnit, Rad's getting to me) """
Yes, and RAD IS COPYING APOLLO.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-08-25 02:50:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh, could have been better...
...if you included a pinch of rape and a dash of skullfucking. (damnit, Rad's getting to me)
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-25 02:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading (+0)
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-25 02:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Selection is the key to success with this type of post.
btw- It was Will Rogers who came to Roosevelt(?) in the Oval Office.
A bet was made that he could not get the President to laugh since 'things' were going
very bad, for and in the country, during that time.
He walked in, and after a few awkward momments deadpanned: "Who Are You?"
**
A Classic
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-25 01:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok.
Just, Ok.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2005-08-25 00:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
- Santa Claus
Submitted by HippoRapist (user info) at 2005-08-25 00:11:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2005-08-25 00:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thought for the day: Leno- shut the fuck up, you're not funny.
Culain's comment is just bitterness. I insulted his 'culture' in a different thread. Retaliatory attacks for fabricated reasons...hmmm where have I heard that before.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-08-24 23:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-24 23:04:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
been done already, twice
----------------------------------------
Pay no heed to Caul...
He's only been done once.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-24 23:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't care if its you saying it or someone else I'm right on with a lot of it and the fact that you picked it out says something about you.
GOod work.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-24 23:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
been done already, twice
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-24 23:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-08-24 22:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good read, and you said your anus, hehe..hehe
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-24 22:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why look at the bible when there are examples all around you?
Submitted by Mister (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked these.
Submitted by gigamesh (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
asdf
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:33:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My favorite Winston Churchill:
"Sir, if you were my husband I would poison your tea."
"Madam, if I were your husband I would gladly drink it."
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:31:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
I can see this did it for some people, but I can't say that I was one of them
_________________________
that's because of Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can see this did it for some people, but I can't say that I was one of them
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by romgosgotabrandnewcar (user info) at 2004-06-07 20:55:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope when you have kids they have small dicks...........and that INCLUDES the girls!!!
--------------------------------
Made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment