A good start .... (934 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.58 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (View user info) at 2005-08-25 05:09:34 EDT
I not long ago moved into a new apartment ... first of all.
I hate moving, the only people who don't hate to move can afford for someone else to pack their crap, lift their crap and unload their crap. Yes you can hear the bitterness but I am learning to deal with it.
Now back to my new apartment, my girlfriend and I moved from a 3-bedroom townhouse that we shared with 2 others into a brand new 2-bedroom apartment. The main plus points for our apartment.
Its NEW, its closer to the centre of town, its NEW, no housemates, its NEW.
Even though our apartment was finished the builder was still working on other apartments and the two stores at the bottom and the offices that are on level one. Multi purpose building for sure.
Moving day: I woke up ... please, please let me wake up and I had moved last weekend ... we can all hope.
The townhouse that we were living in had 2 flights of stairs to get to the master bedroom (our room), I hope that the guys that get paid to move crap get paid a lot because after about the second box I was well over it. Boxes don't get heavier you just get worn out, you know you have almost had enough when you start hating the contents of a box without knowing what's in it.
However 4 hours later we had managed to get all the boxes into the garage to start the process of actually moving them to the new place.
So we loaded the first load onto the Ute that we hired, because there weren't any more stairs involved I had stopped hating the boxes for now. We got around to our new apartment to find that our driveway was blocked. There was a van for about every tradesman you could think of.
So I have 4 vans in my driveway, I need to track down the drivers ... I found the plumber in one of the shops, I found the electrical in one of the penthouses, I found another plumber in apartment 10 and I finally found the builder in the underground garage that I was trying to get to. That's one more hour of my day gone.
We get in the underground garage, thank fuck that there is a lift, it comes down fine and we load it up, we go up to level 3, we unload and back into the lift. However now it wont go to the underground car park, don't know why? So we ride the lift to the ground, get out and walk around to the underground car park, lucky for us because there are tradesmen every where the sensor for the garage door is covered to keep it open.
4 more trips that involve driving to old location, loading the Ute, driving back, hunting down all the tradesmen to move their vehicles, loading and unloading the lift and then having to go down to the ground and get out and walk around the building to get back to the Ute in the underground car park. Why doesn't this lift go to the car park? Stupid lift.
Now the plan is to stay in our old place one more time as all the really big stuff is getting moved on Sunday. We get to our new apartment for what will be the last time today with the ute loaded with boxes Its 7pm and all but one of the tradesmen has gone and this time he's easy to find. I park the ute in the car park and we load the boxes into the lift, we take em up to our apartment ... by now I am tired as so I sit and look at the boxes that I am angry at, this time because I know they need unpacking.
We get into the lift and again have to take it to the ground and get out and walk around to the underground car park, the final tradesmen's van has gone and he's turned the door back on so its shut. I go to get out the remote control that should open the door ... of course it's in my pocket, I think. Nope. We go back upstairs and check. Not there.
Then it dawns on me I left the fucking thing in the Ute, why? Because all fucking day this door had been open I hadn't used it once so I put it in the glove box. So now I cant get to the Ute, why you ask? Remember the fact the lift wouldn't go to the car park.
Of course we are the first people to move in, so there is no one to ask to let me into the garage, that's ok we can ring the real estate ... I ring them and its allows me to leave a message about how fucked it is that the lift doesn't go down to the car park. There has to be a way into there, however now its dark and everything is NEW to me.
So I ride the lift back up to my apartment. I am now swearing every kind of FUCK-WIT, FUCK-JOB statement that I know and out loud. My girlfriend and me end up sleeping on the floor in the lounge of our new apartment. That's right the bed doesn't get here until tomorrow and of course I am stuck here until I can get the Ute out of the car park.
I get up in the morning, sleeping on the floor has really agreed with me as I now feel like I am 85 years of age. Its 6am and I guess the only reason I managed to sleep as long as I did was due to being exhausted. I guess I will have to wait for a tradesman to help free my vehicle, fuck I hope someone shows - its Sunday of course.
No one shows and I am getting more pissed off each 30mins of my days that passes.
At 10 am I decide to have another look around ... There's a fire door at the front, hey its got a lock on it an actual key lock, and lucky me my fucking keys fit, it leads to the garage ... again with the FUCK-WIT, FUCK-JOB you have to be FUCKING kidding, I slept on the floor you FUCKING suck at the top of my lungs, there's 10 minutes of my life I wont get back.
So I get to the ute, I can now open the door, We drive back to pick up my car so that I can take the UTE back to the place I hired it from, keeping it overnight only costs me an extra $240. As we leave there I am off again, what a FUCK-WIT, FUCK-JOB you have to be FUCKING kidding.
So we get everything moved in - on Monday I head down to the real estate agent because I am going to yell as much as I can about the fact that the lift doesn't go all the way to the car park of my building. I am playing it clam as I wait to see the agent.
He asks "So hows everything going?"
I can't help myself and start swearing my arse off like a drunken sailor as I explain the above to him.
"*$(#& driveway, *#@& *$#) Lift,*&^#% lock out of garage, #%@^()_ on the floor, **$#^# $240"
I stop and he asks
"Do you have your keys?"
"Yes" where is this going I think.
"You had those all the time, those keys with that plastic thing on the keyring?"
"Yes" yeah whats it for I think.
"And did you read the sheet the agent gave you wtih those keys?"
"No"
He proceeds to say in the calmest voice
"See your keys, see the plastic device, that's what they call a proxy card, now if you had read the documents you were advised to read then you would know that if you place that over the plastic device inside the lift that has a red light, that it would turn green and that lift would then take you where ever the FUCK you wanted".
I wished I was in that lift all of a sudden ... I left in silence.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-05 19:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, this is one of the very few times that Sfaggy and I agree...
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-09-19 07:26:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When are you going to post something again faggot?
Can't handle the criticism? I like to adopt to Harro attitude to all the haters and shrug my shoulders with the big "Negh!"
Skate it off Pussy.
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-26 11:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-08-25 14:11:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm moving on Saturday. I'm hoping to avoid having to do much lifting due to the genius move of bribing half a dozen Rugby buddies, with copius amounts of beer, to help me move. I've even had the fore thought to make sure all the breakable shit gets moved first before too much of the aforementioned beer gets drunk.
<sits back smugly>
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You will end up hating the boxes even if you dont have to carry them all ... lol
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 20:44:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-25 13:30:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 10:22:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
I will give $3 for the account ... I could use an ALT that generates hate ...
----
why? you're doing fine with this account.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why dont you fuck off ...
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-08-25 14:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:03:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
another +2 'Ute' reminds me of Doug from neighbours.
ahhhh childhood memories
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YES!
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-08-25 14:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm moving on Saturday. I'm hoping to avoid having to do much lifting due to the genius move of bribing half a dozen Rugby buddies, with copius amounts of beer, to help me move. I've even had the fore thought to make sure all the breakable shit gets moved first before too much of the aforementioned beer gets drunk.
<sits back smugly>
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-25 13:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 10:22:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
I will give $3 for the account ... I could use an ALT that generates hate ...
----
why? you're doing fine with this account.
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-08-25 11:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-25 11:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brand new Shlongy!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 10:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ED-209 (user info) at 2005-08-25 09:58:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope that your girlfriend has taken the keys from you and you now sleep outdside in a cardborad box .... lol
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Good one Tool. How many guesses do I get at who YOU are?
Submitted by ED-209 (user info) at 2005-08-25 09:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope that your girlfriend has taken the keys from you and you now sleep outdside in a cardborad box .... lol
Submitted by dirtycyberdawg (user info) at 2005-08-25 09:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 07:23:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 07:15:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Listen, do you want company on the drive in the morning?
I don't particularly want to sit around and wait for B1 and B2 while they argue out who has the better management style. It gives you someone to whine at on the way home :P
Flick me an Email and let me know.
.....................
Stop following me ...
<cries> goes to sleep
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sittin at home right now with 2 dozen Heinekens
Watchin the 4th Ashes Test
Cya tools in the mornin
Your welcome to come over now jet
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-25 08:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god I hate it when fuck ups like that happen and it is my fault. Of course that never happens, but I can imagine.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-25 08:36:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
maybe just a few less fuck's would have done it for me
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 07:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 07:15:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Listen, do you want company on the drive in the morning?
I don't particularly want to sit around and wait for B1 and B2 while they argue out who has the better management style. It gives you someone to whine at on the way home :P
Flick me an Email and let me know.
.....................
Stop following me ...
<cries> goes to sleep
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 07:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Listen, do you want company on the drive in the morning?
I don't particularly want to sit around and wait for B1 and B2 while they argue out who has the better management style. It gives you someone to whine at on the way home :P
Flick me an Email and let me know.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 07:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:40:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
ALWAYS get a second opinion...
....
Sat in a room today with 12 possible opinions (managers meeting) ... I think there was only 4 other people in the room that had the opinion that they werent perpared to let the boss stick his dick in their Arses...
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ahhhh, better make that 3.
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ALWAYS get a second opinion...
....
Sat in a room today with 12 possible opinions (managers meeting) ... I think there was only 4 other people in the room that had the opinion that they werent perpared to let the boss stick his dick in their Arses...
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:27:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
England, Ute = pickup truck, Dunny = Toilet, Billabong = a sort of pond or creek, Me = a twat.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Billabongs are like Dunnies, If your Utes shit then drive it into a Billabong. lol
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad
news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition
which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure
creates one heck of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is
to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he
was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he
was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he
realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a
new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - a new
suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44
long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new
shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it
fit perfectly ..
As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about
new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...9-1/2 E."
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shoes and they fit
perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about
some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size
36."
Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years
old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. 34 underwear would
press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one
heck of a headache."
ALWAYS get a second opinion...
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:30:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:27:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I hate boxes that aren't even mine!!"
You should have put a picture of a half naked Sophie Monk under that.
.....
Fuck you are so right ... you should be in charge of someone
<cries> goes to sleep
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
England, Ute = pickup truck, Dunny = Toilet, Billabong = a sort of pond or creek, Me = a twat.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I hate boxes that aren't even mine!!"
You should have put a picture of a half naked Sophie Monk under that.
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:13:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
in a dunny or billabong cobber.
......
Can I ask where you are from?
I dont think I would be cooking in those two things ...
lol
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:15:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus 2 for reminding me of all the shit I've done similar to this.
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At least you will admit it, most people will think dumbass ... would never happen to me ... lol
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus 2 for reminding me of all the shit I've done similar to this.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
in a dunny or billabong cobber.
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:09:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:05:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am well aware what a ute is......some sort of fish?
***************
How do you cook it ? ... lol
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:04:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Unlucky man, I fucking hate it when you yell at th wrong person. A dog ran in front of my car the other day as a woman tried to catch it. I yelled right in her face, she replied that the dog wasn't hers.
Doh.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
It bad when you are the person doing the yelling, however it not much better being the person being yelled at ...
However I am sure the agent is laughing more and more about this each person he tells ...
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am well aware what a ute is......some sort of fish?
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Unlucky man, I fucking hate it when you yell at th wrong person. A dog ran in front of my car the other day as a woman tried to catch it. I yelled right in her face, she replied that the dog wasn't hers.
Doh.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-25 06:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another +2 'Ute' reminds me of Doug from neighbours.
ahhhh childhood memories.
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:57:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Tool.
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<cries> then goes to sleep ...
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:57:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story ...
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tool.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah dumbass.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:40:27 (#)
Ranking: 1
would have been 2 but for the word "ute"
------------------------------
Your deducting a point because YOU don't know what a UTE is? You are wrong...
I was gonna give you a plus one for not reading the directions, but I felt bad that a guy took his own ignorance out on you.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:40:27 (#)
Ranking: 1
would have been 2 but for the word "ute"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
But it was a UTE ... <cries> lol
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
would have been 2 but for the word "ute"
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:38:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude dont let on I am from NZ .... lol
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Silly Kiwis...
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-08-25 05:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment