The "Fantanas" are minions of the fucking anti-Christ. (1720 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.69 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by bluto (View user info) at 2005-08-27 04:59:52 EDT
For those of you who are fortunate enough not to know who the "Fantanas" are, I wish I were you. They are the 4 women who dance and lip-sync the annoying jingle in the commercials for the soft drink Fanta... and they work for the anti-Christ.
And when I say the anti-Christ, I don't mean David Hasselhoff. There is too much speculation as to whether or not he is the true anti-Christ, so I'm not going to presume. Whomever it turns out the anti-Christ is, that is who these bitches are working for, and they are ruining the fucking planet.
That fucking jingle is one of their weapons, too. You see the commercial, get the annoying jingle stuck in your head, and it causes you to slowly go insane. With each person that sees these commercials, they are infecting the planet with this jingle. It is a horrific song, and it is lowering the standards of the country, leaving you all satisfied with less than mediocrity.
NO!!! I DON'T WANNA FANTA!! Also, if you notice, in the commercials, not a single one of the people they assault with soda ever expresses their desire for a fruit flavored beverage. This is drink rape. Leave these people alone. You are taking away from time they could be spending contributing to society. These women are committing a myriad of crimes, and nobody is doing a fucking thing about it.
Another thing; what is the concept behind a fruit flavored soda? None of these sodas taste anything like the fruit they represent. Neither grapes, oranges, nor strawberries are nearly as sweet as these beverages. Not to mention, there are more calories and more grams of sugar in fruity sodas than in regular cola. Wait, it's another trick. Fanta is trying to put forth the unhealthiest beverage possible so as to make the population less prepared for their attempt to take over the world. It's all coming together now.
Also when watching the commercials, you notice that each of these women is unbelievably happy all the time, for no apparent reason. Don't be fooled, because this, my friends, is another of their tricks. They use their fruit flavored soda to give everyone a false sense of security, but in truth, it's all a scam. Deep down, in the basement of the Fanta headquarters, the end of the world is being carefully planned.
So, you want to know what you can do about it? I'll tell you what you can do. Boycott Fanta. In fact, boycott all fruit flavored drinks*. They can't be trusted. You want a sugary beverage, drink a real soda, otherwise, stick with liquor and water.
*Cherry Coke and Cherry Pepsi are not included in this, for the main taste in these beverages is still regular cola. In fact, these two may possibly work as vaccinations against the work of the Fantanas. Who knows? Perhaps I'll do experiments out of my basement. I wonder if I could consider the expenses of buying these drinks as tax write-offs? After all, I am trying to save the planet.
User Reviews
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-09-19 04:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoa, dude. Like... totally awesome.
Actually, I'm refreshing this post because I am proud of it.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-09-08 08:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like fizzy ginger beer
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-08-31 19:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FuckYou (user info) at 2005-08-29 23:29:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fantanas are the Anti-Christ? Get over yourself and get back to work instead of mentally masturbating yourself on company time! I think losers like yourself are the reason the REAL anti-Christ isn't even going to bother trying to take over a planet filled with complete morons who can't sit in a movie theater and keep their pie holes shut watching a commercial like everyone else! Just the fact that you can't sit back and enjoy the mind-numbing escapist entertainment of four HOT honeys dancing around shows that you are really a SICK demented (and probably GAY) individual who spends way too much time in front of his computer spurting off geek-isms that he think people give a crap about!
Read much, dumbfuck? I just looked through my post, and not once did I mention the Fantanas being the anti-christ. I believe I mentioned them being MINIONS of the anti-christ, but whatever.
Secondly, anyone who can watch that commercial without wanting to put sharp objects in their ears has a much higher tolerance for pain than myself, and I commend them.
Thirdly, "...entertainment of four HOT honeys dancing..." What are you, 13? Take your peener out of your hand, it might make it easier to argue. I don't know about the people around here, but I find beauty in REAL women, not those who have enough makeup on to choke Linda Lovelace.
Also, "FuckYou?" Really edgy name. I appreciate the subtle use of exclamation points after all of your sentences. Why don't you just capitalize every letter and get ALL of the "stupid teenager" cliches out of the way?
Finally, I am a "SICK, demented individual" because I can't enjoy "mind-numbing" commercials? Let me get this straight... I'm fucked up because I enjoy full use of my mind? Not to mention "who spends way too much time in front of his computer spurting off geek-isms that he think (sic) people give a crap about!" Let's see, I was wanting to see what YOU thought people cared about, but it's the damnedest thing, I couldn't. Perhaps this is why:
Everything you ever wanted to know about FuckYou
User id: 5823
Registered on or around: 2004-02-06 12:54:20
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 14
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Average rating of all messages: 0.00
Either you are a teenage dolt or an alter, either way, I think it would be best now if you died.
Submitted by FuckYou (user info) at 2005-08-29 23:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fantanas are the Anti-Christ? Get over yourself and get back to work instead of mentally masturbating yourself on company time! I think losers like yourself are the reason the REAL anti-Christ isn't even going to bother trying to take over a planet filled with complete morons who can't sit in a movie theater and keep their pie holes shut watching a commercial like everyone else! Just the fact that you can't sit back and enjoy the mind-numbing escapist entertainment of four HOT honeys dancing around shows that you are really a SICK demented (and probably GAY) individual who spends way too much time in front of his computer spurting off geek-isms that he think people give a crap about!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-29 18:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-27 13:18:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna fuck the purple one.
I wanna fuck the yellow one.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-08-29 02:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what are you gonna do about it?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-08-28 16:27:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I'd +2 this for the title alone.
Submitted by imbored (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
see my cootch, all hot and furry
it shoots fanta when i hurry
...wanna fanta?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-27 18:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Grape Fanta and Golden Grain was my 17 year old self's beverage of choice. Purple Jesus = good times
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-08-27 18:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Want a Fanta? Don't you want a... Want a Fanta?
Oh God no... Not again!
Submitted by Mister (user info) at 2005-08-27 17:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear God I hate those bitches...
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-08-27 16:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You look hot in all that plaster- drink some Fanta, faster faster!"
You're forcing a cripple to drink your shitty product? Good Marketing, you sexual predators.
Then again I really want the purple one to sexually predatorx0r me so. Uh.
DONCHU WANNA
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2005-08-27 13:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops. I meant +2.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2005-08-27 13:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-27 12:26:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude...... DRINK RAPE, best new phrase ever.
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Ditto. I hate those Fanta bitches and their shitty drink too.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-27 13:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna fuck the purple one.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-27 12:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude...... DRINK RAPE, best new phrase ever.
Submitted by ArtificialInsanity (user info) at 2005-08-27 12:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DRINK RAPE
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-08-27 12:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Shark Bait Beth!"
Submitted by Chazzy (user info) at 2005-08-27 11:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm drinking a can of fanta at the moment.. I apologise.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-08-27 11:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was fucking awesome
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-08-27 10:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Somebody had to say it. Amen.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-08-27 10:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for drink rape
Submitted by Clawsss (user info) at 2005-08-27 10:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The drink tastes like wax.
The bitches ALL look like ass.
The song makes me nauseous.
Keep the faith!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-27 10:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOVE the Barq's Diet Root Beer. Can't even tell it's diet.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-08-27 09:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Further proof/logic:
There are FOUR of them.
What else are there four of? Perhaps other people who RIDE THINGS? Just like the Fantanas ride jetskis?
That's right.
Every time that commerical comes on, you're looking at War, Famine, Death and the AntiChrist himself, my friends.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-27 08:53:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-27 08:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right on.
Please see my Fanta post and watch a Fanta girl get beheaded by The Ninja: http://www.ubersite.com/m/70694
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-27 07:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dr Pepper a fukin run tings!
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-08-27 06:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 only because I HATE that fucking commercial
Submitted by BoggleJobber (user info) at 2005-08-27 05:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 only because of the phrase "drink rape." Coin that and live forever.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-27 05:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you made me want a Fanta. I don't even like Fanta.