Cheesee The Retarded Chipmunk (996 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.15 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HotDog (View user info) at 2003-05-12 18:26:41 EDT
Yesterday, when I was coming home I noticed this chipmunk or squirrel (I'm not sure which right now) running around the base of a tree.
But this wasn't just any ORDINARY chipmunk, it must have been retarded, for you see, it was making all of these weird gestures and twitching a lot. It sort of looked like it was trying to get a hat on while brushing its face or something, but its little hands were moving really fast, and I can't really describe it to you. Just think of a person with "ADD" (A made-up disorder that doctors use to make payments on their cars) trying to do a whole bunch of crazy shit all at once. Maybe it was having some sort of a little chipmunk-seizure.
Not only was the chipmunk flailing its arms around like a little retard, but it was also squeaking in a really high-pitched voice.
"CHEE-CHEE-CHEE-CHEE-CHEEEEE" it squeaked, "CHEE SEE CHEE SEEEE". I just let it be and walked into my house where I came to an interesting conclusion:
There should be another mythical figure like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny that kids can look up to! I call him: Cheesee the Retarded Chipmunk!
Every year in May, kids around America celebrate "Cheeday". A magical day where the kids are only aloud to eat bread and are shot if not home by curfew. A day where the spirit of that retarded little chipmunk who touched our lives haunts the streets and where rednecks in monster trucks run over pedestrians...
At night, "Cheesee" visits all the children in America and puts a whole bunch of acorns under their pillows. In the morning, when little Billy and Susie wake up, they run downstairs and bitch at their parents about how "Cheesee" gave all the other kids money and Yugi-Oh cards and "you're too cheap to give me real money, so you gave me a whole bunch a' fuckin' acorns! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!"
The children are then beaten and sent to their rooms to cry themselves back to sleep.
OICU812 would have a field day, but he would continue to make completely inane posts.
-Max
User Reviews
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-05-13 10:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting
Submitted by PopNFresh (user info) at 2003-05-13 08:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When i was little i saw a squirrel sitting on a small strip of grass next to a main road. The squirrel looked kinda scared so i assumed a car had gone by too fast or something. I stared at it for about 30 secs and it stared back at me, never moving, just staring.
Then to my horror i saw what i thought was smoke coming from underneath the squirrel. My little mind was thinking what had happend to the poor creature. Maybe it had been smoking and was embarrassed what its mother would think when i found him smoking so he quickly sat on his cigarette and was slowly being burned?
I became concerned so i closed in on the animal when it suddenly ran off at full speed and in its place was a lump of shit.
boy was my face red
Submitted by NicTheMaster (user info) at 2003-05-13 07:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoa!
Very telling reply from Masterofdisaster. Classic pre-teen animal torture symptoms.
I feel luckier than usual that there's an ocean between us
Submitted by nemo (user info) at 2003-05-12 21:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once saw a squirrel jump from a tree to a street sign and miss. It fell to the ground and twitched.
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-12 21:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Or we should make a holiday called "Shut the hell up day"
And you would be the only one to participate in it... everybody else would celebrate it, though.
Submitted by SantonioSpur (user info) at 2003-05-12 20:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One time I fed a squirrel a sugar pill in Washington D.C... good times
Submitted by masterofdissaster (user info) at 2003-05-12 20:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I was a kid I found this bird just sitting in the street shaking. I picked it up, took it home and played with it all day. It fell asleep after an hour or so but I still played with it, talked to it and played the radio really loud where it's ear should of been.
Mom said the bird did the happy dance to memory lane and that's why it was shaking when I saw it. Then she got a brown lunch bag that usually had a ho-ho and soggy sandwich in it and put the danced out bird inside.
She said the bird needed to be in the bag because it hyper ventilated and then she walked outside and said it flew away.
A week later I found the bird in the corner of the yard, brought it back in the house and played with it again.
I think the retarded squirrel was happy dancing to. You should of brought it inside. Shaking animals like UB40.
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-12 20:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jwalmart, I liked this post because it involved chipmunks! AND it mentioned my name.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2003-05-12 20:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Or we should make a holiday called "Shut the hell up day"
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2003-05-12 19:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That Scrick Scrick Scrick Sreeeeee noise that you are referring to is a threatened or really irritated noise that squirrels can make to try and intimidate you or to alert surrounding woods to predators on the ground.
He was prolly in a tizzy because he caught another squirrel playing with his nuts
-Turtle
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-12 18:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE YOU!!!
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-12 18:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thi... This has made me SOOO HAPPY!!!!
Submitted by ItsAlwaysSeven (user info) at 2003-05-12 18:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll give you +1 for incorporating Yu-gio.