Dear Mr Heartless Asshole (2800 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: uber-related
Rating: 1.74 on 89 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-08-28 10:07:50 EDT
Dear Thorpe,
This is my last attempt at communicating with you. I know you're lurking here somewhere. You won't return my phone calls. Your mum keeps telling me to leave you alone. She says it's sick for a 26 year old woman to keep calling you the way I do. She doesn't understand. I need to explain some things to you. I need to make you see how urgent this is, how important. I need you to understand, even if nobody else will.
When I was five, all I wanted in the world was a pet to call my own. I had a sister and a brother but they wouldn't do any tricks, no matter how long I tried to train them with food rewards and choke chains. I kept getting in trouble on account of them crying to mum about the bruises, so I was told not to train them or refer to them as "Minions of the Dread Queen" anymore.
I found a duckling under a bush one day. It was tiny and yellow and fluffy and I named it Terry and took it home. Oh, how I loved that duckling. I would feed him by hand, snuggle him under my chin when it was cold, and leave my bedside lamp on to keep him warm in his little ducky nest. He was my friend.
One day my father came home drunk. No, drunk and stoned. Wait - he was drunk and stoned and had just finished... like... beating up kindergarten children! And he came into the house, bloodstained and bellowing with rage as if he were some mythical half-man, half-bull Titan of a creature. His eyes glowed red, and his ears spewed forth flames and smoke. I threw myself bravely in front of my little duckling bundle of preciousness but oh, that cruel demon cared not. He cast me aside as if I were of no more account than a paper doll, and he picked up my Terry, my friend, my beloved little soulmate, and laughing like the Devil himself tore Terry's tiny downy head from Terry's small feathered loyal body.
He threw the pieces down in front of me and I wept. I wept for Terry, I wept for the animal my Father had become, but most of all I wept for the pure, unthinking love that I would never know again. I wept for the loss of my innocence. I wept for the death of a child.
From that day on I never spoke. I still have not spoken. Though they beat me cruelly and forced all kinds of medication down my silent throat, I have held to my vow - to never again utter words until I held Terry, my beloved pet, in my arms again.
And then I found you. In this safety of silent communication, you shared with me your love for your turtle. And I, understanding utterly, have listened and cried tears of joy for your happiness. And one day, you told me his name.
Terry.
My heart leapt. Terry! My baby, my joy, my Terry, had come back to this world in a form that my Demon Father could never again destroy! But something, somewhere, somehow went wrong. He ended up with you, rather than me.
Thorpe, I know you love him. But I have loved him longer. My children have never heard me speak. My husband has never heard me say I love him. My vow holds true and always will. Please, Thorpe, for the sake of my family, and for the sake of that young girl who still mourns in the dim and distant rooms of my memory for her beloved duckling friend, let Terry come home.
Give him to me.
Sincerely,
Circe.
User Reviews
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-10-21 11:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-29 03:27:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Malefic - I can understand your opinion. I disagree, but I understand your opinion.
Sorry I went off on you, that was childish
==================
LOL
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-09-01 03:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Williamson has had his argument cut completely from under him.
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-31 20:35:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Critics don't just wander in from the street. It's called credibility. "Who are you and why am I listening to you?". That sort of thing.
===================================================
. . . And if I ever become the Ubersite critic of the year maybe I'll give a damn how people like you see my credibility. I didn't ask you to listen to me. This is a site where people post shit for feedback and I gave my feedback like everybody else. Think your argument through next time.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-08-31 13:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-31 11:11:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty is always cute.
My favorite breakfast as child was always toasted muffins. The flat kind, with sultanas and spices in.
________________________________________________________
Interesting. I'll make a note of it. What, by the way, are sultanas?
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-31 11:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dread queen.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-31 11:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Toasted muffins with vegemite and strips of cheese, put under the griller.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-31 11:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty is always cute.
My favorite breakfast as child was always toasted muffins. The flat kind, with sultanas and spices in.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-31 09:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like to think I have a similar superiority/inferiority complex, but when I do it it's cute.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-31 08:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-30 17:32:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-29 05:28:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Put your money where your mouth is malefic. Post a story or stop bitching.
============================================
Hey, did you know that every movie critic on earth is a former director? And every book reviewer is a famous ex-novelist.
Get your head out of your ass, all i said was one sentence was annoying.
=--==-=-=-=-=-=-=
Critics don't just wander in from the street. It's called credibility. "Who are you and why am I listening to you?". That sort of thing.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-08-30 18:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and one other thing. What was your favorite breakfast food as a child?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-08-30 18:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Strong writing as always. You call to mind images of my wife's father, who destroyed her toys (snapped their heads off) when he was drunk because it was fun. I think, after three years, I might finally meet him. I'm all out of cat food.
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-30 17:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-29 05:28:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Put your money where your mouth is malefic. Post a story or stop bitching.
============================================
Hey, did you know that every movie critic on earth is a former director? And every book reviewer is a famous ex-novelist.
Get your head out of your ass, all i said was one sentence was annoying.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have never made a bad post so stop lying.
Submitted by spidy (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA @ Title...
"Dear Mr. Heartless Asshole"
*Click* Opens...
"Dear Thrope"
buhahahahahaha
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-08-29 19:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-29 17:54:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-28 21:53:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Who doesn't know what a minotaur is?
----
Are you kidding? Most of the people of this site don't know the difference between 'its' and 'it's'.
------------------
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-29 17:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-28 21:53:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Who doesn't know what a minotaur is?
----
Are you kidding? Most of the people of this site don't know the difference between 'its' and 'it's'.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-08-29 13:08:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fun.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-08-29 12:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-08-29 12:32:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your dad is Ozzy Osborne?
-------------------------
I will let you rape my children for that.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-08-29 12:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your dad is Ozzy Osborne?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-29 12:22:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dead 0hio sky - lots of them. Lots and lots.
I'm not telling you what they are, though. The shame is... it's just too great.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-29 12:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-08-29 11:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
have you ever made a post that wasn't good?
honestly now.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-29 10:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for mentioning Thorpe and Terry and being by Circe. yay.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-29 09:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-29 09:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more cowbell
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-29 09:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I SUCK
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-29 09:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ARGH
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-29 09:42:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Honest to God, Circe would make the coolest mother in the world.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-29 09:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She says it's sick for a 26 year old woman to keep calling you the way I do...When I was five...I was told not to train [my siblings] ro refer to them as "Minions of the Dread Queen."
_____________________
It frightens me to think that you have children.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-29 09:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not a kicker of all ass for me, but it made me smile.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-29 08:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-08-29 08:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Karmajane (user info) at 2005-08-29 07:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
malefic - You said "I've only read 2 or 3 pieces". Mistake. Don't make scathing comments about Circe's writing if you've only read a couple. The majority of her stuff is brilliant. Even her "mediocre" pieces are well above what other people consider their best.
Circe - As always, well written. I'm a usually-silent fan.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-29 05:28:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Put your money where your mouth is malefic. Post a story or stop bitching.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-08-29 05:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I named my 7-iron Terry, you can have that. Graphite tastes great when broiled.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-29 03:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2005-08-29 03:54:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I know what a minotaur is, but I still like the descriptive wording you used. It was colorful.
What I'd like to know is, how do you keep phoning Thorpe if you don't speak?
--------------------------------------------------
Hahahahaha
That's why I stopped answering. I was sick of picking up the phone to hear this muffled "Mmmmff mmf" on the other end.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2005-08-29 03:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know what a minotaur is, but I still like the descriptive wording you used. It was colorful.
What I'd like to know is, how do you keep phoning Thorpe if you don't speak?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-29 03:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Malefic - I can understand your opinion. I disagree, but I understand your opinion.
Sorry I went off on you, that was childish.
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-29 02:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course writing requires more than facts (although I would say the substitute is "creativity" rather than the unrelated concept of "style"), that's why it's fiction. But something of the author almost invariably seeps into the narrator, especially when she's writing in the first person.
I've only read 2 or 3 pieces by you -- i only stumbled across this site a couple days ago -- but they've all had subpar father figures in them. I'm not suggesting you had a troubled childhood or a bad marriage, but maybe you place less value on paternal affection than maternal, maybe you think moms are more important than dads, I don't know, I'm not Freud.
=====================
Writing requires style, not just facts. People often write fiction in the first person, and the voice of a character is not necessarily the voice of the author.
And I'd be interested to know what you think my fiction suggests about me, seeing as I've written fiction that's comedic, horror-based, and dramatic. I write a bit of everything; tell me, oh gifted one, what's the underlying theme that condemns me?
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-29 01:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 23:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know, Snark. I didn't mean YOU.
Just everybody else.
You stone cold killer, you. Rawr.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-08-28 23:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 23:37:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
One more thing:
Writing requires style, not just facts. People often write fiction in the first person, and the voice of a character is not necessarily the voice of the author.
==================
Mine is.
I really did kill all those people.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 23:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One more thing:
Writing requires style, not just facts. People often write fiction in the first person, and the voice of a character is not necessarily the voice of the author.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-08-28 23:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the love of God man, have you no soul? Give her the turtle for pity's sake.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 23:36:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-28 21:33:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
Circe, I don't like people like you. People who think beating around the bush is artsy. People who think that saying "mythical half-man, half-bull" is somehow a literary superior to plain old "minotaur."
Your fiction's not bad, actually, but I don't like what it seems to intimate about its author.
____________
I didn't say it was superior. It isn't meant to be superior. It's meant to be overwritten, overblown, overly descriptive and full of hot air.
That was the whole point of this.
And I'd be interested to know what you think my fiction suggests about me, seeing as I've written fiction that's comedic, horror-based, and dramatic. I write a bit of everything; tell me, oh gifted one, what's the underlying theme that condemns me?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-28 22:14:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
meant "when you write..."
*shakes head*
*sits down*
*sighs*
*stands back up*
*gets a sandwich*
*tastes sadwich*
*removes cheese*
(it was fake)
*feels guilty for eating sandwich...then cheese seperately*
*cries*
*walks to the store and buys a thighmaster*
*brings it back home*
*looks at it and kicks it into a corner*
*sits at desk*
*scratches head*
*plays music*
*farts*
*starts typing*
hmmm...where was i?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-28 22:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
malefic, when you can write something like this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/73877
that's when i'll take you seriously.
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-28 21:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That reflects on you, not the word or her [hypothetical] writing.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-28 21:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who doesn't know what a minotaur is?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-28 21:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-28 21:33:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
Circe, I don't like people like you. People who think beating around the bush is artsy. People who think that saying "mythical half-man, half-bull" is somehow a literary superior to plain old "minotaur."
Your fiction's not bad, actually, but I don't like what it seems to intimate about its author.
-------------------------------------------
If she had just said "minotaur", I would have thought "what the fuck is a minotaur"?
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-28 21:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Circe, I don't like people like you. People who think beating around the bush is artsy. People who think that saying "mythical half-man, half-bull" is somehow a literary superior to plain old "minotaur."
Your fiction's not bad, actually, but I don't like what it seems to intimate about its author.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 20:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Malefic - Not quite getting the point, are you? Of course a minotaur has nothing to do with a fucking Titan - neither did my father ever kill a duck, neither did his eyes ever glow red, neither have I taken a vow of silence. It's supposed to be overblown and patently ridiculous and a fucking cliche. It amuses me to jumble mythology for the purpose of making myself giggle like a retard.
I like people like you. You assume everyone else is an idiot. I'm going to guess you're not 25 yet; that's generally the age that people stop being so damned desperate to show off their jealously guarded superiority.
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-28 20:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"... as if he were some mythical half-man, half-bull Titan of a creature..."
-2 for that awful sentence alone. (Read some Greek mythology: learn what a minotaur is, and that it has nothing to do with a titan). Oh, and the whole cliché dads-are-evil androphobia thing.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-28 20:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*plays world's smallest violin*
It only looks like that to you because you're four foot tall.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-28 20:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-28 19:37:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's truly hilarious when I drop little pebbles on the turtle's shell. It tries to bite me and Thorpe has a temper tantrum about "animal cruelty" or some such nonsense.
---------------------------------------------
It wasn't a little pebble, it was a rock the size of his head, lobbed at him from across the tank!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-08-28 20:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-28 19:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's truly hilarious when I drop little pebbles on the turtle's shell. It tries to bite me and Thorpe has a temper tantrum about "animal cruelty" or some such nonsense.
Oh and he plays soccer with a floating ping pong ball.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-28 19:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really don't get it.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-28 19:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SHIT FUCK DAMN
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-28 19:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:25:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
On a totally unrelated note, do you know where I can find a recipe for Retard Soup?
--------------
Make him wear a shell. Prepare like turtle soup.
Submitted by alfakyle (user info) at 2005-08-28 17:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That made me happy in my pants.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-08-28 17:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was, without a doubt, the most heartwarming and stirring thing I've ever read on Ubersite.
Ever.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-28 16:54:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-28 15:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-28 15:08:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:18:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck.
Plan B.
___
What's plan B?
____________
a smoke and then some monkey masturbation...kinky monkey masturbation
*note the spelling. i am not refering to the other munkey. She is on a completely different plane, when it comes to these things.
If i may use the SAT format...Einstein is to physics, as munkey is to masturbation.
Because of this, i hear she only has select masturbation parties, where you have to have a 4.0 in nub rubbing, and papers verrifying you tested at genius level.
Pretty strict, huh? That ain't all. The last time they had such an affair, one poor woman only had 37 orgasms, and the rest of the group took to beating her unmercifully with a selection of Phalic objects and sexual slurs, including: "bitch majora!" "Blunt cunt!" and "Yankee fan!"
I'm just glad i'm a dude. the standards are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY lower.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-28 15:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:18:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck.
Plan B.
___
What's plan B?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-28 14:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wasn't even going to read it....and then i saw "thorpe"
+2
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-28 13:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:17:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Get bent.
____________
BWAHAHA! awesome!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-08-28 12:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck are you on ... AGAIN?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-28 12:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:29:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure do. Hold on a sec, Circ. <phones mom. ring, ring, ring. "Hi mom. Do you know where I can find retarted soup? Someone on the internet wants to know. Oh. OK. Thanks, mom." hangs up.>
She said in my dads testes and that that's how I got here. <shrug>
----------------
BLAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA
Submitted by dirtycyberdawg (user info) at 2005-08-28 11:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your Dad sounds like a top bloke
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-28 11:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coyote: Fear not, Homer. I am your spirit guide.
Homer: Hiya.
Coyote: There is a lesson you must learn.
Homer: If it's about laying off the insanity peppers, I'm way ahead
of ya.
El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-08-28 11:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TONIGHT WE DINE ON TURTLE SOUP!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-28 11:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thorpe has a new stalker.
Submitted by Salvation_Jane (user info) at 2005-08-28 11:01:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I chuckled. :)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:30:23 (#)
Ranking: 1
Too late. I tied thorpe to a chair and made him watch as I ate him with convinction. Tasted like snot. I don't know how I got money for a plane ticket.
---------------------------------
It's true.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Too late. I tied thorpe to a chair and made him watch as I ate him with convinction. Tasted like snot. I don't know how I got money for a plane ticket.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure do. Hold on a sec, Circ. <phones mom. ring, ring, ring. "Hi mom. Do you know where I can find retarted soup? Someone on the internet wants to know. Oh. OK. Thanks, mom." hangs up.>
She said in my dads testes and that that's how I got here. <shrug>
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wring that little pencil neck
Submitted by Geekboy_1 (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no idea what this means, but it seemed deep, was intresting, and was a nice distraction from the bullshit that normally turns up. So have a +2.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NotSteve - I'm actually crying here. It's so good to know there are still people in the world who care.
On a totally unrelated note, do you know where I can find a recipe for Retard Soup?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmm.... Soup's on Bitches!
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a retarted cousin named Terry that you are welcome to have to replace your duckling. I'll box him up in a plastic storage tote thingy with some air holes and a loaf of bread and a bottle of off-brand water and you should have him in a few days.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Zak - Fucking. Awesome. Idea.
Because that way, I can steal the turtle.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what if your father kills thorpe too?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:18:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck.
Plan B.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get bent.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
OK I'm calling 000, but i don't think there's a protocol for this kinda shit...
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-08-28 10:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet.