My New Job, My Uber Porblem, Do You Masturbate at Work? (978 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.61 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by yermom (View user info) at 2005-08-29 15:18:39 EDT
** This post contains no pictures of bajiners and or peni (penises)**
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have an Uber problem.
Howdy uber folks it's been a while since my last relapse, er... I mean post. Anyway, I've come to realize that as annoyed I get with the drama and all the crap that goes along with this site I just can't stay away. By my calculations, it's taken roughly a month for me to discover that my new job is not very much more exciting than my old job, and even though I haven't posted in a while, I've still been reading every work day.
So not that you really care, but I figure the least I could do is form some complete sentences to make the front page at least a little better today. So I thought I'd give you all the pro's and con's of my new job.
Pro's
1. I get to join the rest of the waking world working first shift.
2. My job now is slightly more exciting and busy than my last job
3. I don't have to talk on the phone to mildly retarded people.
4. I make more money than before
Con's
1. I have to deal with rush hour traffic like the rest of the waking world.
2. I can't read or post to uber nearly as much as my old job.
3. I have to be very cautious about opening the wrong links at work.
4. I can't find anyplace good to masturbate at work.
See, wasn't that a good list? Fine! Be that way. So my girlfriend got an application for a new job and one of the questions was, "Have you ever masturbated at work?". This just got me thinking, was that an automatic disqualification question?
Oh well, I guess I'm not working in law enforcement anytime soon. Take it easy ubersite.
User Reviews
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 13:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for your valuable input and yes, I jerk off at work.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-08-31 16:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"See, wasn't that a good list? Fine! Be that way."
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Don't put words in my mouth.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-08-31 16:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's 'pros' and 'cons' you moron.
Submitted by Ranx05 (user info) at 2005-08-31 16:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
it's "penes"
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-08-30 01:40:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
masturbate in the bathroom like everyone else.
"executive squashroom"="jerkoff-and-leave-it-on-the-walls-of-the-stall room"
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-08-30 01:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just lock the door to my office, turn on a little Barry White, light a scented candle and beat my dick like it owes me money.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-08-29 21:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"So my girlfriend got an application for a new job and one of the questions was, "Have you ever masturbated at work?"."
Goddamn porn applications. You never know what will be on them. If she wants the job, she'll answer yes.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-29 19:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So how does this have to do with masturbating at work?
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-08-29 17:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:52:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty much everyone I know has rubbed one out at work at least once.
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You need to meet more people.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-08-29 17:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by egadz (user info) at 2005-08-29 16:24:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by aerodynamically.curvaceous (user info) at 2005-08-29 16:06:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by southernmiss (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:29:32 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:28:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm masturbating right now....aren't you?
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-08-29 16:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Last sentence saved you from -1.
Submitted by egadz (user info) at 2005-08-29 16:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by aerodynamically.curvaceous (user info) at 2005-08-29 16:06:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by southernmiss (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:29:32 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:28:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm masturbating right now....aren't you?
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-29 16:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
it's all good.
i pronounce it as "porblem" all the time
Submitted by aerodynamically.curvaceous (user info) at 2005-08-29 16:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by southernmiss (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:29:32 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:28:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm masturbating right now....aren't you?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:52:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty much everyone I know has rubbed one out at work at least once.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't know what state you live in, but I call shennanigans on that question being on your girlfriend's job application. I'm pretty much positive that a question like that is illegal. Questions of a sexually prying nature (i.e. preferences, habits, etc.) are disallowed by the federal government as an invasion of privacy. Therefore, you are most likely a liar. Or your girlfriend. Why not just ask the question outright?
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:31:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
<ejaculates>
FREAK!!
Submitted by southernmiss (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:28:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm masturbating right now....aren't you?
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who doesn't?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm masturbating right now....aren't you?
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My problem is spelling the word problem in a title.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:23:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
you mean, actually in my cube, or just on the premises?
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Just on the premises.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I haven't rubbed one out at my current job. I think it is because I plan on making ths my career.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you mean, actually in my cube, or just on the premises?
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:21:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My opinion is still the same
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71743
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-29 15:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a porblem like that once