A Slight Miscalculation (1455 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.63 on 73 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-08-30 05:40:53 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
- VS -
Entry 2
I handed the $1.20 through the clouded sliding glass window and took in trade a single dip ice cream cone from a blue-sleeved arm that extended back. I had barely tasted the cool cream, when the scoop of chocolate pecan rocked over the edge and fell to the concrete sidewalk below.
My good thing turned bad and I was left holding an empty cone. Despite my experience with this particular activity, I still had pushed things too far. I stood there defiantly, gesturing at the ground and looking back for the blue arm, no longer there. Our business was done.
I was baffled. Many an ice cream cone had safely achieved the objective of full consumption without suffering the fate of this particular scoop of chocolate pecan. This should not have happened. All available intelligence suggested that things should've gone smoothly.
I stood there to the side of the small gathering of people still waiting in line and looking in my direction. They were smiling compassionately at my bleeding treat and me the one who failed it. Each one of them thinking "Amateur."
"Mind your own business. " I radiated unsuccessfully. "Carry on, nothing to see. It was just a simple mistake, an unfortunate overcorrection as a result of some fluky atmospheric anomaly."
There did seem to be a high-pressure cell in the area. But regardless, I couldn't help but think that had the blue arm mentioned the ice cream was particularly hard perhaps this whole ordeal could've been averted. But the blue arm didn't speak and bad information was allowed to frolic about knocking people and their ice cream off course.
I used the small white napkin to pick up the cold remains of my error. "Everyone makes mistakes, they happen all the time." I consoled myself, "It's just that sometimes the results get splattered on your shoe, right out there for everyone to see."
I dropped the napkin and the scoop in the nearby basket and was going to eat the cone, but resisted the urge to settle and tossed it in too. I accepted my loss, as I had accepted other losses, big and small, due to nothing other than simple fuck up. I knew his name was Kevin and why I said Brian I'll never know.
The greater the consequence the more difficult it is to forgive our imperfection. This was chocolate pecan after all and I was rather angry with myself, but recalled forgiving the loss of Kevin quite quickly.
I considered that had my now discarded scoop been a passenger jet, the million dollar government inquiry into the cause would simply have read "She forgot to carry the one and the plane went down with everyone. She's sorry." But fortunately, it wasn't a passenger jet.
I surveyed the remaining chocolate evidence on the sidewalk and declared I had suffered enough. I fished for another $1.20 in my pocket and stood at the back of the line.
Hindsight, the ever-vigilant teacher looking over my shoulder, eyed the situation and after careful calculation concluded; the next one should be vanilla.
Entry 1:
a_reader
Adamdidit2u
Adereterial
AsshOly
badassmofo
Berty
bigbabylons
bob
c1ndy
Circe
DancingHobo
dasteve
Duke_Prometheus_III
engine13
Freight_Train
FuckTheArmy
Grownasskid
Hirilnara
i_walk_alone
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
JMG114
joedaddy
JonnyX
JulsInsane
Katastrofadark
knucklesnelson
Kre8rix
LadyPlural
loki
Maddog
maiorano84
maliknir
Merlina
munkeypants
MyNameIsTim
Natsukau
NOWorNEVER
Off_The_Wagon
omnifica
Phallic_Cymbals
rad1101
Rope
RyuFu
satchel
Sicknote
sideshow
Slovin
Snark
Spuds002
Stabkill
thecaes
ThineJericho
thorpe
tlozoot
TuTs
vishesh
William_Q_Percy
yermom
Yes
zakalwe
50 eligible votes (61 total) *
Entry 2:
CoffeeAndSmokes
Confuzitron
indoninja
NumLock
ParlorTrick
stevie_says
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
3 eligible votes (7 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PT: your post made me want some ice cream.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-09-01 10:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-01 08:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-09-01 07:54:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Such a relief that number one isn't true.
I like speculative fiction more, though - so poor little kiddy misses out on the icecream.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-01 04:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me think.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-09-01 04:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a pity this wasn't closer.
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-09-01 04:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-08-31 23:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-08-31 22:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-08-31 22:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, I think it bears repeating how fantastic Entry 1 was. Maybe my favorite post ever. And I liked Entry 2 as well.
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-08-31 22:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was seriously one of the best matchups of the whole competition. Two short, kickass entries.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-31 21:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kudos to both of you!
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-08-31 20:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-08-31 19:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dug it
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-08-31 19:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
at last, a creative entry.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-31 15:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by maliknir (user info) at 2005-08-31 14:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
great stuff!
thank you!
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2005-08-31 12:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by vishesh (user info) at 2005-08-31 11:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Insanely creative.
Submitted by dasteve (user info) at 2005-08-31 04:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1, by a long shot. One was awesome. Two...wasn't. I just didnt appreciate the use of language and lateral thinking. I thought it forced and awkward.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-31 01:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Number 2 wasn't bad at all.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-08-31 00:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-08-30 09:24:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
This is probably because I'm in a really pissy mood this morning, and if I have to be miserable so does everyone else, no really, but neither was that great.
****************
Nigga WHAT?
Read number 1 again.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh, this isn't a hard decision.
Entry 1 was so, so, SO damn good. I loved the 'creased' page. I loved the stationary heading and the attention to detail. The concept of a Nazi Germany ruling the world is amazing, and even better given the subtlety in which you presented it. No melodrama, just a cold chill that creeps up on the reader as the reality of this fictional world dawns on you.
FUCKING BRILLIANT
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude....... just woah.......
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:08:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-30 22:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Duke_Prometheus_III (user info) at 2005-08-30 22:12:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 1 is easily the best piece of fiction I have read in a very long time.
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2005-08-30 21:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-30 20:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-08-30 20:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-08-30 19:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-08-30 16:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
both very clever and refreshing. thank you.
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2005-08-30 15:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-30 15:35:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome job, #1!
excellent imagery!
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-08-30 15:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-30 14:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Germans....Good story
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number One with a bullet. Bam!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
.
Submitted by NOWorNEVER (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry one was well-thought and imaginative.
Entry two was... well, entry two was.
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sicknote (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DancingHobo (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2005-08-30 09:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
entry 1 was exceptional
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-08-30 09:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is probably because I'm in a really pissy mood this morning, and if I have to be miserable so does everyone else, no really, but neither was that great.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-30 09:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF author 2
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2005-08-30 09:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
la la, my vote doesn't count
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-30 09:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2: Don't make me think too hard. It's barely 9 AM and I'm barely sane.
A piece of advice to the UberCommittee for UM4: enough with the consolation rounds--please?
I'm sort of tired of UM3 by now. I mean, it just seems like it's been drawn out a little too long. And I'm one of the Uberers that enjoys reading UM posts.
Just a suggestion.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-08-30 09:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-30 08:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one is my favourite in the competition so far.
at first I was all smug- I was going to correct all the historical inaccuracies- how stupid do I feel now? It is a very clever story.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-30 08:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No contest.
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-08-30 08:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i like ice cream and i like collages
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-30 07:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2005-08-30 07:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-30 06:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-08-30 06:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both good - preferred the first though.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-08-30 06:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-30 06:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
interesting
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-08-30 06:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-30 05:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck
#1 would have been much better in the original German.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-30 05:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-08-30 05:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number two was like a Tragically Hip song. I like it even though I had no idea what it was about.