The Term “Blow Job” – Confusing Teenage Girls Everywhere (14444 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.94 on 115 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Pentameter (View user info) at 2005-08-30 10:05:30 EDT
In 1995 I was a junior in high school. I was itching for the end of those four years to come, basically because I hated everyone and couldn't wait to get away from them. All I wanted to do was wave goodbye to each and every pimply-faced nerd in my school, tell all of the snotty popular bitches that they had a long life of suppressing herpes symptoms, and slug all of the jocks in their sweaty, deformed cocks.
Although I strongly disliked over 98% of the people in my class, there were a few people who I really enjoyed spending time with, but one of them was my friend LaLa. LaLa was a very smart girl, who was cute, really sweet and very innocent. She was so innocent, in fact, that her mother did her hair every morning before school.
For the most part, we were complete opposites.
One afternoon, we were sitting in her room studying when she turned to me and asked, "What's a blow job?"
Before I could answer her, I first needed to recover my jaw from her floor. I looked at her and asked, "How old are you?"
"I'm seventeen!" she stated.
"You're seventeen and you don't know what a blow job is?"
"If I knew, I wouldn't have asked you."
"Ok, well, it's when you suck a guy's cock," I said with a straight face.
"Wait a second, I thought it was a blow job? You mean you don't blow on it?" she asked, completely shocked by what I had just told her.
"Blow on it? What the hell would that do?" I asked.
"I don't know," she said.
There was a moment of silence before she asked, "You don't blow in it?"
"What the fuck, LaLa? A dick isn't a balloon," I said.
"So, you suck it instead, right?" she asked.
"Not really," I said.
"Well, what do you do when you have a p...p...penis in your mouth?" she asked as she began to recite the rosary.
"Just cover your teeth and bob your head up and down," I said, hoping that finally, I had put the issue to rest.
Unfortunately, she persisted.
"But like, how?" she asked.
I glanced around her room, hoping to find something penis-like so that I could demonstrate the technique for her. Surprise, surprise, this girl had nothing phallic in sight. After a little bit more thought, I asked, "Do you have any bananas here?"
"Yeah!" she shouted as she took off down the stairs.
At the tender age of seventeen, I rested my head in my hands and said aloud, "I can't believe I'm going to suck off a banana."
When LaLa came back into the room, half of her banana was already gone. I said, "Yo! What the fuck?"
"What? I'm hungry!" she said.
"No, idiot. We're blowing them, not eating them."
"Oh."
"Go and get another one."
By the time she came back, mine was unpeeled and ready to go. LaLa locked the door, and sat Indian-style in front of me.
"All right, just watch what I do," I said as I hesitantly started fellating the banana.
In the history of mankind, no one was more deeply interested in anything ever before that moment. I felt dirty as I bobbed my head up and down along the length of the banana. She studied my every move, and I knew that she was taking copious mental notes.
After I believed I had shown her enough, I stopped and said, "It's your turn."
With wide eyes, LaLa stared at her banana. Her lips quivered as she placed them over the top, and then she began plunging her head up and down. Within seconds, her banana was nothing but mush in her hands.
"All right, see...you were way too rough. A guy isn't going to be too pleased by that, let me tell you."
"I never did this before," she said.
"Yeah, and thank God for that," I said as I rolled my eyes.
A whole bunch of bananas later, I felt as though she was good enough not to slice a guy's dick to shreds.
Before I left, I put both of my hands on her shoulders and said, "LaLa, whatever you do, never let a man fuck your mouth. EVER! Clamp down on that shit, bite it, I don't fucking care. You're doing him a fucking favor, and he should just be happy with the fact that his cock is in your mouth."
"I promise," she said as she hugged me.
The next day at school, we were sitting around the lunch table when we noticed a girl and guy going into the door for the back stairwell. LaLa said, "Oh my God, she's going to give him a blow job!"
All of the girls at the table looked at her in complete shock, and one of them said, "Yeah, I bet she's going to swallow his come."
"Come? What is that?" she asked.
The girls started firing out slang terms left and right.
"Jizz."
"Baby batter."
"Load."
"Spunk."
LaLa was still clueless, and of course, she looked to me for clarification.
I shouted, "Ejaculation!"
"Oh!" she exclaimed.
"She only understands the scientific shit," I said.
Later on in the day, LaLa approached me and asked, "Why didn't you tell me that something shot out?"
I could not believe how clueless she was. I said to her, "LaLa, I've known about this shit since I'm thirteen!"
"You were blowing guys when you were thirteen?" she asked.
"No. I rode the bus to school with juniors and seniors and they told us everything," I said, a little pissed that she thought I was a slut.
"Sorry. So something shoots out," she said.
"Well, if you're good it does. I don't think you're going to have to worry about that for a while," I said.
"Oh. What do I do with it?" she asked.
"That, my friend, is up to you."
"Thanks for all of your help," she said.
After high school, we lost touch. A few weeks ago, I saw her wedding announcement in the newspaper, and it made me laugh.
I know how she snagged that guy.
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-16 23:09:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2006-12-16 22:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff.
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2006-12-16 19:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Image:Fellatio_Banana.JPG
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-16 04:16:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:05:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Siren, I don't rate any of that at all. Men go through the same thing when we go down on laydeees, the whole "Oh God, she's trying to twist my head off with her thighes." Not too mention the endless bucking that really fucks up the rhythem. Then it's all over and there's goo in my beard, in my hair, smeared all over my nose... Add to that the whole goo all over the bedsheets and it's quite a task.
There are other things I could mention but won't for the sake of privacy.
Men do it though. Why? We like the taste, the texture and the smell. To be honest I like nothing more than to rub my face in a laydeeees moist bits. If they could bottle menstruel blood and vaginal juices I'd never drink tea or coffee again.
Personally, you've probably just got knob issues. Unless Zoidberg agrees with you, then you'll have a credible witness.
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-10 13:11:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:31:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88572
Submitted by Misanthropic (user info) at 2006-05-31 13:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Haven't we all tried to felate a banana at some point in our lives?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-21 17:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good God I'm hard.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-10-21 17:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tricky title. But yet again, where's the porn?
Submitted by dawnmarie (user info) at 2005-10-19 13:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to need all day to read your work.
Submitted by HonorableMention (user info) at 2005-09-29 18:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL
OH MY GOD
YOU ARE FUCKING DURTY!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-09-20 05:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MMmmmm. Nanas.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-09-20 04:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why the fuck don't I ever meet someone like you in college, or anywhere around here for that matter? I have a feeling our combined sense of humor could really wreak havoc on so many unsuspecting morons. Again, kickass post.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-09-18 13:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it wrong that I found the idea of you fellating a banana erotic?
I thought so.
Please ignore this comment and carry on as normal.
-Dave
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-09-06 22:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-09-06 19:05:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Believe me, there's nothing flattering about being noticed by someone as mediocre as you.
----------
Turnabout's fair play. In my defense, I never even claimed to be mediocre. Thanks for the benefit of the doubt.
Submitted by Menaretehsuck (user info) at 2005-09-02 02:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-09-02 01:57:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FBI WARNING: ANAL PIRACY
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-09-02 00:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marry me!
(for a green card)
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-09-01 16:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was actually a little dissapointed that you and her never did the nasty.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-09-01 16:01:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember hearing way back when to NEVER EVER EVER blow into his pee-hole. Could cause some kind of permanent damage or paralysis or something.
anyway, great post, i love your way with words.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2005-09-01 11:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You're doing him a fucking favor, and he should just be happy with the fact that his cock is in your mouth."
Yeah, I guess we should.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-09-01 04:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You were blowing guys when you were thirteen"
DIRECT QUOTE! I FINALLY HAVE PROOF!
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-08-31 23:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:-0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-08-31 19:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-31 12:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-08-31 12:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
teehee
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-08-31 12:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"No. I rode the bus to school with juniors and seniors and they told us everything," I said, a little pissed that she thought I was a slut.
I thought you were a dude until I read that. The whole thing seemed weird, a girl is begging a guy to explain a blowjob and he's not trying to get her to try on him? Weird...
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah! Awesome.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a friend of many Chinese girls (who are completely uninformed of sex until basically their wedding nights) I've had this convo before.
I never fellated a banana though.
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2005-08-31 02:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 02:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:02:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean women were born with this knowledge? I swear I knew what "eating carpet" was when I stopped wearing nappies. It's when you take a carpet sample & rub it on a womans groin while eating a Snickers. Right?
- I swear I've tried this.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-31 00:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amylase is an enzyme in the mouth that aids the breakdown of carbohydrates and sugars.
so, with enough saliva, the banana will breakdown
sheesh.
bio people?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-08-31 00:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Laugh, laugh, laugh.
That's all I did as I read this.
Great.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:49:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you mush a banana while fellating it?
No really, how? Maarten didn't do the dishes tonight and I have to do something drastic.
*****************
Oh, well if you do it long enough your saliva eventually breaks down the banana, turning the firm banana-flesh into a mushy paste.
Uh...
...forget I said that. Banana what? I was never here.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell? How could she be so naive? Is she from Utah or something?
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT was gold , you are a great author , keep her goin
Submitted by djgray (user info) at 2005-08-30 22:18:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-08-30 22:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I'd say "skeet", but that's just way too obvious.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-08-30 22:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Donk's genius spunk must've rubbed off on you....wooo!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-30 20:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Timberwolves_At_New_York (user info) at 2005-08-30 20:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-08-30 20:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My Freshman year in COLLEGE the girl next door to me in the dorms asked me to demonstrate how to give a guy a HANDJOB on a candle.
No one was shocked when she started dating a forward on the Girls basketball team.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-08-30 20:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-08-30 17:37:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, either she did it right or bit it off and he's got no where else to go.
-----------------------
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! This cracked me up.
Zak - I love you too.
Mike - I'm glad I was able to help you exact revenge. And, FYI - I'm FULLY good.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-08-30 19:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did I ever tell you that I love you? old style?
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-30 19:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had to show a nasty-ass guy with a banana. Goddamn it Penty.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-08-30 17:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, either she did it right or bit it off and he's got no where else to go.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-08-30 17:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-30 17:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A 17 year old that oblivious would have been an absolute joy to play with.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-08-30 17:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pentameter,
You are my hero!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-30 16:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:03:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Entertaining AND educational.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-30 16:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's another +2 because I sent the link to this to a friend of mine who has a younger sister. He told me that he spit a mouthful of redbull all over his keyboard and now the left side is not working. This is the same fucker that while in college once spilled a beer on my laptop and tried to blame it on some random drunk girl.
Karma is a bitch.
Thanks for helping me get my revenge.
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2005-08-30 15:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-30 15:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by supersloth (user info) at 2005-08-30 14:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yer my favorite!
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2005-08-30 14:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for making sure she doesn't rake her first wiener
-1 for forgetting the balls
+1 for almost letting her disover the ejaculate experience on her own
-1 for using the word 'bite' anywhere in this post
+1 just 'cause...
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-30 14:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice piece of work.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The visual image of the "destroyed" banana made me re-think accepting oral pleasuring from young girls.
And by young, I mean over the age of 18 of course.*
*For the benefit of Ubersite's legal department and any sick bastards out there who thought otherwise.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you tell her about the banana cum? The most flavorful kind I've heard
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I asked my ma what a blow-job was when I was 7.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wookie now horny........
well, hornier I guess.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've experienced the "blow"job involving attempted inflation by the girl rather than fellatio.
Submitted by Curly (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That picture made me laugh out loud
Then it made me cringe a little....
Submitted by notoriousbrett (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The poor girl was 17 and didn't know this shit? That's a scary thought...
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:14:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm rooting for Rizzo, since he was my opponent. I hope he can take it all.
---
After reading this post, he should have no problem with that.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Siren, I don't rate any of that at all. Men go through the same thing when we go down on laydeees, the whole "Oh God, she's trying to twist my head off with her thighes." Not too mention the endless bucking that really fucks up the rhythem. Then it's all over and there's goo in my beard, in my hair, smeared all over my nose... Add to that the whole goo all over the bedsheets and it's quite a task.
There are other things I could mention but won't for the sake of privacy.
Men do it though. Why? We like the taste, the texture and the smell. To be honest I like nothing more than to rub my face in a laydeeees moist bits. If they could bottle menstruel blood and vaginal juices I'd never drink tea or coffee again.
Personally, you've probably just got knob issues. Unless Zoidberg agrees with you, then you'll have a credible witness.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:49:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you mush a banana while fellating it?
No really, how? Maarten didn't do the dishes tonight and I have to do something drastic.
---------------------
You could just fellate the dishes.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pentameter, teacher of blowjob techniques, hero to men everywhere.
+2 for upgrading another woman out there for us.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entertaining AND educational.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you mush a banana while fellating it?
No really, how? Maarten didn't do the dishes tonight and I have to do something drastic.
Submitted by Jimmy_Esquire (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I grew a semi three times during this post. Until the bite it line came up.
Now im quite scared.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. I had to take the banannas out of my cereal, thnxvurymuch.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a very funny picture that this made me think of... and then I decided this was shennany's. And now, I'm off to try and find it. I will post it in this reply once it's located
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:25:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just when I am thinking that you're providing humankind a valuable service by teaching a 'very smart, cute, sweet, and innocent' teen girl how to properly suck cock, you go and fuck it up with this:
"LaLa, whatever you do, never let a man fuck your mouth. EVER! Clamp down on that shit, bite it."
NOT TO MENTION the fact that you've got a plot where two chicks are having a slumber party in a room where one is educating the other in the ways of sex WITH bananas involved, but there is no further demonstration??? What the hell!?!?! What is this, some kind of after school special?
You're no fun.
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, MJ.
Unfortunately, there were other things going on in my life that prevented me from being able to churn out a quality entry, so I lost fair and square.
I'm rooting for Rizzo, since he was my opponent. I hope he can take it all.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 filename!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanted to see you and Steve in the finals of Uberfacistness... since I was banned from voting I lost interest, but I presume the Uberfacistness comittee kicked you out for being female or kick ass or something?
I hope they don't find out that Steve is Canadian, if so his days in that competition are numbered...
This post was so awesome though, I had to run to my oxygen sleep chamber for air every two minutes - shamone!
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:57:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
This post made me horny.
---------------
Damn Skippy!
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean women were born with this knowledge? I swear I knew what "eating carpet" was when I stopped wearing nappies. It's when you take a carpet sample & rub it on a womans groin while eating a Snickers. Right?
This is an awesome post.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post made me horny.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have began with a gerkin. (insert small penis joke here) (insert joke for saying "insert small penis")
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LaLa as in TraLaLa?
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"What the fuck, LaLa? A dick isn't a balloon,"
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, at least I know that if my current job ever falls through, I have something to fall back on. I think teaching at one of those parties would be hilarious.
When I reread this, it made me laugh because I haven't changed at all since I'm a kid. I guess I've always been like this.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by aerodynamically.curvaceous (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome story.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You live to teach.
I respect that.
Submitted by Mister (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
J, I actually was going to do this for a while. Those ladies make huge bucks and
get free 'fun' toys. I do love me those 'fun' toys. I think they are called
Naughty Nightie Parties, or something. Now I want to do this. We could have
a girl Ubercon Naughty Nightie Party. Humm...
----------------
Pictures?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're good.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:19:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:10:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
whats wrong with fucking a girls mouth ?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good question. Good post too.
______________________________________________________________
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44236
That's why.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic
And...you are only a semi-good head instructor.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you were meaner, you really could have used the opportunity to fuck with her future.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:22:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
J, I actually was going to do this for a while. Those ladies make huge bucks and
get free 'fun' toys. I do love me those 'fun' toys. I think they are called
Naughty Nightie Parties, or something. Now I want to do this. We could have
a girl Ubercon Naughty Nightie Party. Humm...
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Yeah, only if I can be your "practice toy."
NO TEETH PLEASE!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:10:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
whats wrong with fucking a girls mouth ?
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Good question. Good post too.
Submitted by wileyfinger (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:18:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that story made my day at work...the world needs more girls like you!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:14:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should teach a class. I've actually seen stuff on HBO about women who do that. They travel around with a briefcase full of dildos and flavored lube, and they go to people's houses and have classes. It's like Tupperware parties except with dildos. It looks like a really fun job, plus it's a great public service.
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J, I actually was going to do this for a while. Those ladies make huge bucks and
get free 'fun' toys. I do love me those 'fun' toys. I think they are called
Naughty Nightie Parties, or something. Now I want to do this. We could have
a girl Ubercon Naughty Nightie Party. Humm...
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:14:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should teach a class. I've actually seen stuff on HBO about women who do that. They travel around with a briefcase full of dildos and flavored lube, and they go to people's houses and have classes. It's like Tupperware parties except with dildos. It looks like a really fun job, plus it's a great public service.
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Yeah, I saw the one where they had guys practicing tonguing a tangerine or some shit. Ridiculous.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear to God I had that jizz conversation when I was 15 - with a MALE.
"What is semen?"
I looked at him much like you probably looked at your friend.
"Are you kidding me?"
"No, I don't know what it is."
"Jizz!"
"What?"
"CUM!" I yelled at the top of my voice, laughing my ass off.
"What the hell is that?"
"Sprog!" piped up another mate.
Something dawned on him. "Oh, slag!"
NOOOOOOO
NURRRRR
He understood when we said "sperm", then went off to stand in the corner.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should teach a class. I've actually seen stuff on HBO about women who do that. They travel around with a briefcase full of dildos and flavored lube, and they go to people's houses and have classes. It's like Tupperware parties except with dildos. It looks like a really fun job, plus it's a great public service.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA HA HA....
Submitted by Mister (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The picture sealed it.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whats wrong with fucking a girls mouth ?
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:10:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ORange ya glad I didn't say banana
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha- great post.
you'll be getting the google hits off this!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-30 10:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Ok, well, it's when you suck a guy's cock," I said with a straight face."
You fucking RULE!