Pride and Extreme Prejudice (1602 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:non-fiction
Rating: 1.9 on 62 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-08-30 11:19:36 EDT
The Boy started karate lessons last week.
It kinda happened by accident. He came running up to the car after school with his little friend and they started with that "Please can Joe come over today and play please please Mum please", "Yeah Mrs. Seth can I come over and play please please" bullshit. Joe's Mum staggered up to the car with bags under her eyes - Joe is a hyperactive little shit - and the thousand yard stare going on. I know that look. I see it in the mirror.
"Mum! Can I go to Seth's house?"
"No. You have karate today."
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. The Boy lit up like a pinball machine and spoke in tones of breathless awe.
"Mum," he breathed reverently. "Mum, can I go to karate lessons?"
I locked eyes with Joe's Mum. "I'm so sorry" was written all over her face. "I owe you pain" was written on mine.
I could have said no. He would have sighed in disappointment, but he would have accepted it. But.
But.
He has these eyes, you see. Everyone in my family has blue eyes, or grey, or green. Everyone. I can resist blue eyes. I've been doing it all my life. My nieces have blue eyes and I can shut them down with a Look and feel no remorse. But oh, my Boy has these huge brown melted chocolate eyes. With long lashes. I'm powerless in the face of that pleading, hopeful, on-the-verge-of-tears-because-my-Mum-is-mean-to-me gaze.
What I thought was "Yeah, because what you need is to learn how to punch things. That'd be great. I can't think of anything I'd like more than you being trained to kill with your bare hands. And you'd get bored with the discipline, anyway. Discipline is... discipline.... heh... someone making you do stuff and you doing it. That someone not being me for once. Hmmm. A bit of outside discipline would do you good. Self control, training, practice.. all good things."
What I said was "Sounds like fun. We'll follow Joe." On the way over, I gave him the speed-rap about not using it on his friends or at school or around his cousins or sisters or anyone, really, Seth are you listening stop picking your nose I swear to God I think I'm talking to myself sometimes do you understand about not using it on people because so help me I will ban you from ever going to any kind of organised sporting anything ever again, boy, get the comb out of the glove box and comb your damned hair you look like a shrub I don't know what you do all day to get into this state.
The dojo was actually remarkably nice. Wooden screen, waterfall outside, polished wood floors and a wall of mirrors; the whole bit. I signed him up, paid the lesson fee, and sat down to watch his first experience with someone else bossing him around. I have to admit to feeling a little malicious. I was kind of hoping for him to act up and get owned.
The instructor was Irish, female, about fifty. She was awesome. As a reward she got them to do ten pushups. She was great. She barked out Japanese words and the kids repeated them, over and over. They practiced stances, punching, kicking, yelling some weird battle cry thing (that The Boy has been using to amuse his sisters all week - they now yell it at each other when they're not using the Godzilla doll to play Hunt The Sister And Roar Like A Tiger And Push Her Over And Pretend It Never Happened.) They ran around in circles and had to drop and do pushups when she hollered at them. I was having a great time.
And when they were lined up, aiming punches at each other from a safe five feet away, she walked behind The Boy, put her hand on his arm, and said "You've obviously studied karate before, Seth. Who was your Sensei?"
He lit up. He glowed from someplace that has nothing to do with me, with the family, with expectations or rewards. "This is my first time. You're just a really good Sensei," he said quietly, proudly.
As a parent, there are moments you remember. There are times of incredible, earth shattering sorrow. There are moments of joy; the first time your child surprises you with a joke, the first time he impresses you with his knowledge. There's the first day of school, of course; the first "girlfriend", the first sleepover.
And there is the first time you see your child swell with pride in himself - not because you're watching, or because you're proud. They shine with pride in their own achievements, in what they can do all by themselves. You realise for the first time that this person you created is capable of impressing people who don't know him. He's going to be good at things, even when you're not there to see.
It's the first time you know that they're going to be okay without you.
After the lesson, the instructor stressed the importance of practice.
"And you don't need a lot of room! You can practice in a very small space - your bedroom, the backyard. You can practice anywhere."
And at the top of his lungs The Boy hollered "Not at school! My mum said so!" All the watching parents laughed, and the woman beside me leaned across and said "Was that Seth?"
"Yeah... that's my boy."
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-16 13:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It's the first time you know that they're going to be okay without you."
::sniffle::
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:19:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-10-26 18:49:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus Christ this made me want to cut my head off with a jagged piece of flint with a note attached asking a homeless person fuck my stumpified neck, blowing his diseased load down my corpulent neck.
Submitted by beat_raven (user info) at 2007-10-26 18:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-09-18 10:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right on. So, is he an ass kicker now?
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-09-18 09:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-09-05 10:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't your stuff usually rubbish?... Oh, sorry- I'm thinking of Dervel
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-09-04 17:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was kind of hoping for him to act up and get owned."
You are the most amazing person ever.
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-09-04 17:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Yeah, because what you need is to learn how to punch things."
Best line ever. I'll go read the rest, now.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-08-31 15:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I felt a tiny spark of semi-maternal warmth there, and I don't think I'm comfortable with that.
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-08-31 02:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
" Hunt The Sister And Roar Like A Tiger And Push Her Over And Pretend It Never Happened "
Sometimes , i wish i could of played games like that ... that sounds fun
Submitted by spidy (user info) at 2005-08-31 01:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hunt The Sister And Roar Like A Tiger And Push Her Over And Pretend It Never Happened
...i love that game...
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-08-31 00:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear to Christ we see through the same eyes sometimes.
This is great. Great writing, and a great feeling.
Submitted by starshine (user info) at 2005-08-31 00:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwwwwwwww.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-08-30 23:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
isaac has begun his explorations of martial arts too.
havenn't decided on a dojo yet though
coming out of the local tae kwon do place after a free intro class one of the older boys told me cheefully not to waste my time with other disciplines as tae kwon do was the best for 'learnkng how to hurt people'
i must admit though all the shouting got me fired up, i really felt like laying into the cunts myself.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-08-30 22:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't it an incredible thing?
Isn't it the best thing we could ever do, to watch the life that we've created grow and prosper and become something other than a shadow of ourselves?
This is the best thing I've read on Uber in a long time.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-08-30 21:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-08-30 19:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww. My nephew is six. I live for these moments. Being his aunt, I miss a lot of them. But the ones I see are priceless.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-08-30 16:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:00:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well.. as long as there's a bunny. I need more bunnies in my life. Godzilla is just not the soothing influence he once was.
---
Godzilla doesn't have shit on you. (or bunnies)
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-30 16:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-30 16:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by brokenlizard534 (user info) at 2005-08-30 15:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FWFIV (user info) at 2005-08-30 15:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-30 15:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goodness, can a picture be any more cute?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-30 15:00:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love when you write about your kids.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-08-30 14:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was kind of hoping for him to act up and get owned."
Awesome.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-30 14:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-30 14:20:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
fabulous
They SHOULD teach him the bit about not using it at school.
Although, I think we beat that little fact into the kids a bit much. We had a kid who got into a fight at school and wouldn't hit back. Oh yea, all those hours and hours of training and he wouldn't "use" it. He was pretty clever though, he kept backing up and then ducking at the last second forcing the other kid to punch things like the pole on the swing set. The other kid ended up a bloody mess with a broken hand and our boy didn't lift a finger so they couldn't really get him with that zero tolerance fighting policy stuff.
Since then, we've tempered our little never ever ever use this to, use this only for self defense and no getting smacked by your sister does not count.
------------------------------------------
Now that is a well raised child with a sense of self discipline.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-30 14:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fabulous
They SHOULD teach him the bit about not using it at school.
Although, I think we beat that little fact into the kids a bit much. We had a kid who got into a fight at school and wouldn't hit back. Oh yea, all those hours and hours of training and he wouldn't "use" it. He was pretty clever though, he kept backing up and then ducking at the last second forcing the other kid to punch things like the pole on the swing set. The other kid ended up a bloody mess with a broken hand and our boy didn't lift a finger so they couldn't really get him with that zero tolerance fighting policy stuff.
Since then, we've tempered our little never ever ever use this to, use this only for self defense and no getting smacked by your sister does not count.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your family stories.
I prefer them in your usual sarcastic and bitter tone, though. But maybe that's just me...
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sniffle* I want you to be my dad.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww!
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just realized that your child is going to end up punching a Muslim in the throat and killing him on a subway...and that's just cool.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all prepubescent ass!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both you and Nath are old enough to be my siblings I think. For Circe to be my mum she'd have to have been born pregnant.
Besides I wouldn't trade my mum in, she might be a religious, shyster, con artist who preys on the vulnerable but she taught me everything I know about optimism.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well that sure got across parenthood quite well
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:52:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
To take the ordinary and make it interesting is true talent.
You know your son is going to kill someone in self defense, be hauled away to jail then stop a vicious crew of escaped cons from taking over a transport plane, don't you?
The whole thing will be extremely traumatic, but he will bring you a bunny.
_________
Well.. as long as there's a bunny. I need more bunnies in my life. Godzilla is just not the soothing influence he once was.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:52:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
To take the ordinary and make it interesting is true talent.
You know your son is going to kill someone in self defense, be hauled away to jail then stop a vicious crew of escaped cons from taking over a transport plane, don't you?
The whole thing will be extremely traumatic, but he will bring you a bunny.
ha ha ha
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loved it girlie..
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's... just a very good post.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To take the ordinary and make it interesting is true talent.
You know your son is going to kill someone in self defense, be hauled away to jail then stop a vicious crew of escaped cons from taking over a transport plane, don't you?
The whole thing will be extremely traumatic, but he will bring you a bunny.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:47:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Coyote - He learned that from me! ...... *looks shifty*... what?
w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m - Your name is shit to type out, you know that? And I fully believe that you're a karate master, feared by all who would oppose you.
Really.
Berty - I'd be proud of you, if you were mine. You're not mine, are you? Because there were some drunken binges when I was younger... if you're mine, I'm proud.
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Just use Nath, henceforth.
But don't ever use henceforth.
I don't plan on using it again.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:47:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coyote - He learned that from me! ...... *looks shifty*... what?
w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m - Your name is shit to type out, you know that? And I fully believe that you're a karate master, feared by all who would oppose you.
Really.
Berty - I'd be proud of you, if you were mine. You're not mine, are you? Because there were some drunken binges when I was younger... if you're mine, I'm proud.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:41:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me cry a bit, it was very moving. I wonder if my mum is proud of me? I've always just assumed she was 'cause I wear a tie to work but I never really thought about moments and stuff.
Makes you think.
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If you wear it around your neck, I'm sure she is. If you wear it anywhere else, I'm not 100%. Probably.
I'm proud of you Berty.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a really good post. Funny, well written, and tied together with the undertone of growing up, 'the kid's going to be ok....'
I look forward to seeing your name on the front page, this is an illustration as to why.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me cry a bit, it was very moving. I wonder if my mum is proud of me? I've always just assumed she was 'cause I wear a tie to work but I never really thought about moments and stuff.
Makes you think.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesomeness.
Submitted by papaya_princess (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*still sniffling.. that was beautiful!
Submitted by miss_tila (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like you did a good job with him. Congrats!
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I studied karate and then kicked the shit out of the the rival gang leader.
If you read that as "I watched the karata kid and kicked the guy in front of me at the ice cream van in the nuts" then you know me much better than I feel comfortable with.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:30:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd plus 3 this if I could. Loved the pic as well.
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I agree.
Except the picture doesn't really matter to me.
Excellent Post.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd plus 3 this if I could. Loved the pic as well.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, Circe. Very nice. But, after all. It's Circe. What else would it be?
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice moment! I see the boy knows the appropriate timing to fling a gratuitous compliment at an older woman, too. That should stand him in good stead in junior high school...
Submitted by Mister (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you're good.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-08-30 11:22:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi-ya! Kicker of all ass.