The Death of My Lover. (663 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.64 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rachel Happy pants (View user info) at 2005-08-31 01:28:03 EDT
Time of Death: 11.10pm.
Date: August 29th.
He died in my bed during a moment of passion.
I will always remember the day we first met. I thought he was odd looking and felt a little embarressed about taking him home. But take him home I did.
His nickname was "The Rabbit" bit it wasn't long before I gave him a nickname of my own "The Love Machine"
The first times we made love we always included my fiance but after a while we became exclusive and when my fiance became tired from overtime our meetings became more and more frequent. You were a generous lover never tired, never concerned with your own pleasure, always making me climax.
My fiance knew my attraction to you was purely physical and he never became jealous or threatened. We both knew I wasn't attracted to your mind and lets face it I would be crazy if I was.He occasionally asked how often we met and if I would allow you to join us in bed once more.
When you died I panicked and hid your now lifeless body. But I knew eventually I would have to tell my partner of your untimely demise.
The next day I came to my fiance tears glittering manipulatively in my eyes.
"baby" I said.
"My special friend died last night"
He gazed at me in sympathy and said "I suppose you need to find some-one new then?"
I simply nodded.
He smiled and put his arms around me. He said the words I was longing to hear.
"It's fine, we will go to the adultshop on the weekend and buy you a new vibrator"
R.I.P. "Lovemachine"
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-01 08:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That must have been the reason your pants are so happy
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-31 20:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its too bad that your lover had an untimely demise. If only I were there to help...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-31 18:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-08-31 04:56:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Name the next one Willard.
Just so there can be some girl, somewhere in the world, screaming my name in extacy.
----------
If it makes you feel better, whenever I take a big dump, I scream out 'Willard' when the log hits the water...
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 07:20:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I actually do. Sometimes I feel like I'm at a nightclub at the velvet ropes arguing with the bouncer to get in when it comes to vagina.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 07:17:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah but it makes that hole a whole lot more accessable if you know what I mean.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 07:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Engaged?
Like my grandpappy always used to tell me "A ring don't clog a hole."
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That goddamn Cindy. What did I tell you about listening to her? I guess you'll just have to trade me a bushel and a half of cunt. And I mean fresh cunt. Don't worry, we'll find it while looting the trailer park.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes but I'm almost married surely all sexual favours are banned?
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, sugar-tits. Here's your +2. The next one will have to be purchased with sexual favors or a bushel and a half of cunt.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're missing the point here. You just don't get it do you...you just don't get it. Either you're in or you're not. Please notify me 24 hours in advance in writing. And bring some disinfectant.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:27:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A bushel of cunt? Dosn't that smell kinda fishy?
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It ran away with migrant workers and joined the circus. Can you now see the predicament I'm in? You think maybe we could loot some cunt? Maybe a bushel or two?
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't have a cunt? But every man should have a cunt.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't got a cunt so it looks like we are in the clear.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A bird or a fungal infection of the cunt.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just what in the fuck is a "thrush"?
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Milk products cause thrush, enough said.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't care what Bart says about you. You're alright wth me. I can think of plenty more uses for that ice cream.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and I shall save my half sucked icecream for dessert. I scream you scream we all scream for ice-cream.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I figured I'd save that for our looting escapade. I have a half-eaten Big Mac I was saving for you.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well you didn't exactly try very hard, what about romancing a girl first. Roses,champagne some +2's you know the usual sort of thing.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
have a +2, Angelfuck.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ubmitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:03:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't scream, I might wake the man next to me and then I would feel shame, deep,deep shame.
I'm a dirty girl.
====================================
Damn...I can't even get laid vicariously.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't scream, I might wake the man next to me and then I would feel shame, deep,deep shame.
I'm a dirty girl.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-08-31 04:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Name the next one Willard.
Just so there can be some girl, somewhere in the world, screaming my name in extacy.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2005-08-31 02:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I think you see it coming from his original nickname. In addition, you could have gone deeper with the language. This was not nearly poetic enough.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-08-31 02:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
clean it up
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-08-31 02:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Half-expected it
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 02:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DEAD!!!!!!!!
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-08-31 02:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its not a mystery novel you twits. You didn't have to guess the butler did it at the end. My vibrator is dead have a bit of sensitivity.
**sobs**
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-08-31 01:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow....I had no idea that was coming.
Submitted by Sockster (user info) at 2005-08-31 01:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-31 01:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Saw it coming.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-31 01:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
really expected.
meh