Work Toilet Rules (3834 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.55 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hael calleja <leahcalleja.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-08-31 02:57:46 EDT
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOO is
>inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival
>Guide for taking a dump at work.
>
> CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
>smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't
> know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until
> the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the
> smell has left your pants.
>
>FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and
> check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
>come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
> become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
>
>ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
>forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
>of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
>Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the
>urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
>uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
>parties feel uneasy.
>
> JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine
> gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If
> this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone
> has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
> occurred.
>
> COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo
>hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink
> up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
> SHAME.
>
>WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door
>after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
> uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts,
>it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with
> the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
>
> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proud of
> it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom
> with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around
> the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the
>bathroom.
>
>THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who band
> together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This
> group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet
> Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
>SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where
> you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
>opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering
>the bathroom.
>
>TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in the
> cubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
> shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at
> work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar
>leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
>
> CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the
>bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a
>WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when
> used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
>
> ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
> Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt
> that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
> immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
>
>WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
> water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
>coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
>
>HAVANAOMELET -- A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud
>splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using
>a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
>
>UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
> spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
> pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as
> you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits
>you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
User Reviews
Submitted by starshine (user info) at 2005-09-05 22:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-09-01 17:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-31 18:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:11:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
>This was absolutely terrible
>Copy and paste something else for your next post
>So you might improve at it
yeah, turd burglar
Submitted by glasscock (user info) at 2005-08-31 11:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-31 10:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stolen
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-31 10:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 really old
+2 poop is funny
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-08-31 10:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Whats the problem with shitting at work?
It beats wasting my precious spare time and bog roll. Also this way I get paid for it. :)
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 10:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
.!.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-31 07:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
RE: Electro
>Good point.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-31 07:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:56:46 (#)
Ranking: -2
BETTER POSTING - You need it. ;)
---------------------------------
>Harsh.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BETTER POSTING - You need it. ;)
Submitted by Karsh (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:47:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Copy-Paste or not, it's still the first time I've seen it, and suprizingly sparked my interest...
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-08-31 06:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
>Genius.
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
At least its original.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Word
Ctrl H
at least get rid of the >'s mudderpucker.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for splitting my sides
Submitted by Arthur_Dent (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you even managed to fuck up a cut and paste?
Egads!
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alterlicious!
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This shit has been around for years you copy-pasting fuck.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No contest.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
>This was absolutely terrible
>Copy and paste something else for your next post
>So you might improve at it
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:11:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The email formating clinched this -2.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-08-31 03:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ctrl c + v