Toby's personality profiling system. The good in everyone. (1550 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.96 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (View user info) at 2005-09-01 11:58:48 EDT
Since I operate under the optimistic pretense that no one is perfect (as a matter of fact, most people are worthless as hell), I have decided to view other people's defects as their defining characteristics. This is an exercise in seeing the positive and the good in all people, despite the world being full of assholes. Here are the first installments, there may be more to follow, but I doubt it.
1) Someone talks with food in their mouth; at a 5 star restaurant.....This tells me they are capable of multi-tasking, someone who can do several things at once. It also tells me that they are not intimidated by their surroundings; they don't get caught up in the glitter of the ritzy environment. They are grounded, focused on the matter at hand, their conversation and sustaining life. These people are probably also very good parents because they view survival more importantly than manners.
2) Someone walks up on the street and says hi, displaying only three teeth, which are all decayed and rotted....This tells me they enjoy the short term satisfaction of life. They probably enjoyed sugar and lots of it, when growing up. Sure, it would not be good for them in the long run, but these people are spontaneous, adventurous, wild and care-free (no pun intended). It also displays they fact they are not insecure about their short comings, they are willing to speak, to say "Hi, how are you this fine afternoon? Can you loan me a dollar? I need some gas to get back to Atlanta, my Baby and my Baby Momma is in the car and we got no money. No, I don't want that 2 dollar bottle of wine in the store right there." Of course he is lying. These people are normally very outgoing and would make outstanding commission only salesmen under the right circumstances. You may have even bought a car from him earlier in life.
3) A man picking his nose at the stop light, in the car next to you....This tells me that he is not in his "Quan", his total comfort zone of peace and serenity. He has something out of place, and he must rectify that situation, quickly. Ironically enough, their general appearance is not an important factor in any decision. Clothes don't match; hair is all over the place. Comfort is first and foremost to these people, he is unaffected by your look of shock and awe as he burrows a tunnel to his brain stem. He has issues and no matter how insignificant they are to you, he will resolve them. These people are usually brilliant, geniuses in the basic description of the term, so intelligent that normal rational thought is impossible to their complex and machine like minds. They are usually the people responsible for your computer software, NASA, and the nuclear war heads we just saw dropped on a third world country last week on CNN. So be careful when you laugh at them, they basically just removed a country from the planet, making the globe you stole from third grade incorrect and out of date last week. Very powerful people.
4) A man, stumbling drunk at a local sporting event, swearing at the participants and the officials, umpires, or referees......... This tells me that this man is passionate. He has an allegiance or affiliation with one of the participating teams and wants them to succeed, to enjoy the blissful experience of winning. He is a coach at heart, wanting the kids to learn the value of winning. He is drunk, which indicates to me a willingness to let go, have fun, to be uninhibited and free in an otherwise binding society. This man probably works 10 hour days at the local factory, knuckle busting work for low wages. He is the backbone of the basic economic structure in this country, don't get pissed because he said your son "sucks at second base" or "couldn't hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat". Instead, thank him for his contribution to your family's home décor. He was probably the man who stood in a plant over 100 degrees, sweating for hours, behind the machine that made the 3,000 dollar leather couch your kids spilled kool-aid on last week. So what if his kid has a mullet and strikes out religiously, but he screams profanities at yours, you like your living room suit, don't you? The umpire really does suck horse dicks, doesn't he? At least he is honest.
User Reviews
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2006-02-24 21:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oops. +2
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2006-02-24 21:27:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
one of the funniest things i've read in a long-fucking-time.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-02-24 21:16:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He is unaffected by your look of shock and awe as he burrows a tunnel to his brain stem.
______________________________
It hurts me inside to say it, but LOL.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-02-24 21:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-02-24 14:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ratings don't matter.
don't cry about it.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-24 12:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't see this...pretty funny Tobes.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 04:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid four pages of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-09-28 14:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-09-27 08:07:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
You are made up of 150% awesome......
Right back at ya!
<3
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-09-03 13:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
this was good!!
Submitted by OldManTeething (user info) at 2005-09-03 12:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-09-03 12:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-09-03 08:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A +2 from one Quadroon to another, more full-blooded negro.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-09-03 06:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think this is the first +2 ive given in a while. its certainly well-spent here.
Submitted by Kittie (user info) at 2005-09-03 04:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-09-03 01:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I screamed when I saw that pic.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-09-02 21:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You searched google for "black man". I've done it before and photoshopped him into other peoples family photos told them to post them online. Good times.
I love him.
Submitted by BattlePope (user info) at 2005-09-02 18:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are ineed a genius, my friend
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-09-02 17:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-09-02 15:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha.....brilliant.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-02 03:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny man, funny man!
NUUUURRRRRRR!!
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-09-02 03:11:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, maybe the best today.
Submitted by djgray (user info) at 2005-09-01 19:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Methinks that picture is of #2 holding the job of a commission only salesperson.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-09-01 19:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So who is that picture of, #2 and #4? I'd say a nice combo of the both of them.
Submitted by papaya_princess (user info) at 2005-09-01 17:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-09-01 15:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Salvation_Jane (user info) at 2005-09-01 14:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-01 13:36:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah - You rock, Toby.
This is brilliant
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-09-01 13:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm kind of like that #3 guy. Without the intelligence or the nucular bombs.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-09-01 13:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've appeased me this day, sir.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are nice!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment Needed
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:09:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:03:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta give ya a +2 for the Quan.
That's a great word. And, I love black people.
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"YOU MY MOTHER FUCKEEEEERRRRR!!!!"
"Ah, you said 'fuck'"
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:03:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta give ya a +2 for the Quan.
That's a great word. And, I love black people.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Absolutely brilliant. I think you rock.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta give ya a +2 for the Quan.
That's a great word. And, I love black people.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-09-01 12:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-01 11:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES