Sometimes I hate him (935 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.5 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jean (View user info) at 2005-09-03 16:58:25 EDT
Sometimes when I lie in bed at night, listening to him breathe, I want to put a pillow over him and never let up. To feel the breath leave his body and never return. Sometimes I feel that I might be doing him a favor, releasing him from a life that will never give him what he wants. The constant disappointment would kill him slowly and painfully anyway, so why not do it now?
Sometimes when he speaks the innoccuous drivel that tumbles from his lips make me red with rage and I want to cover his mouth and squeeze until he never speaks again. Nothing that he says will make a difference to anyone else in the world anyway. The faster that lesson is learned, the better off we'll both be.
Sometimes when I'm limping through the grocery store, dodging old people and idiots, I wonder what my life would be like without him. Am I where I'm supposed to be because of him? Is he where he is supposed to be because of me? If, somewhere in the past, I had made some differentdecisions, had some other choices and taken them, would he and I still have found each other through the time and space that makes up a person's destiny? Would it be like a pebble in a pond, the ripple of our changes reaching out and affecting the lives of everyone we know? Or would we just go on, never missing what we didn't know we could have?
Sometimes when he's sitting down, watching television and not paying attention to anyone, I look at him, his golden hair glinting in the light of the bare bulb overhead, and I see that soft dimple at the base of his skull, where tendons connect it to his neck, and I wonder.... would one hard jab of the thumb be enough to penetrate that skin and end the suffering that life will be for him forever?
Sometimes I wonder if I think those things because things really are so hard, and I love him so much that I want him to be spared, or if it's because I know I'd be in a different place if it weren't for him. Because I wouldn't BE in this hard place if I didn't have him. But then again, he wouldn't be in this place if he didn't have me, so whose fault is it, really?
Sometimes, when he's fresh from the bath and standing there, beads of water on his skin, smelling so sweet and smiing at me, my heart hurts with love for him and I just can't bear it. The thought of him gone, the thought of him not near me... and I hate him for making me feel those things. For giving me that sort of weakness - a weakness I never had before there was him.
Sometimes I want to give him away. But I don't think anyone would take him. Not without taking me away as well.
Sometimes, I want to kill him.
User Reviews
Submitted by Chazzy (user info) at 2005-09-05 05:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written, I really liked this.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-09-05 05:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EmoJima.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-05 04:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2005-09-05 00:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew someone would look at my user ID and decide I'm one of those "emo fucks." I got my name from a very funny book called "Emo Jean and the Beauty Queen"
You should broaden your horizons sometime. You seem very cranky.
Submitted by Gazbo (user info) at 2005-09-04 21:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stupid emo jerks.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-09-04 10:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ouch
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2005-09-04 10:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, guys. I was afraid of what sort of reception my first post would get. This didn't hurt so much.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-09-04 08:37:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-09-04 01:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Toddlers suck.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-09-03 23:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-09-03 21:14:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we all harbour the secret desire to strangle babies.
--
I know I do!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-09-03 22:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-09-03 21:14:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we all harbour the secret desire to strangle babies.
-------------------
I think, in the non-fictitious event that you discover you were at one time preggers, you should allow your child to read this article.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-09-03 22:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-09-03 21:14:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we all harbour the secret desire to strangle babies.
_________
It's supposed to be a secret?
Oh, shit.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-09-03 21:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we all harbour the secret desire to strangle babies.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-09-03 20:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-09-03 17:23:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in the mood for the unpleasant.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-09-03 20:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You said, "...before people fly off the handle".
Now, it seems to me, that what would be fly (as in cool) would be if you handled your son. 's genitalia. frequently. in front of other people.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-03 18:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-09-03 17:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And now for something completely different....
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-09-03 17:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's easy a couple quick shakes and it will all be over... That of course if fiction, it only takes one.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-09-03 17:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in the mood for the unpleasant.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-09-03 17:16:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'll do it for you
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-09-03 17:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me wish YOU were dead.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-09-03 17:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shite!
(That's a 'wow' shite, not a 'what a pile of' shite.)
Submitted by freshspinach (user info) at 2005-09-03 17:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is just horrible.
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2005-09-03 17:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is, by the way, before people fly off the handle, fiction.