A Guide to Getting What You Want. (652 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.23 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rachel Happy pants (View user info) at 2005-09-06 10:39:47 EDT
Cordelia Jorgenson-Smiths Guide to Getting What You Want.
Hello Ladies! Cordelia Jorgenson-Smith here with a little guide on getting what you want , nay need, from the man in your life. There are five main techniques we will be discussing today including tears, tantrums, feminine wiles, sex and nagging. The first technique we will be discussing is,
Tears- Ah tears many a woman has used this skill to her advantage (warning an overuse of tears can result in failure). When presented with the word's no or not now look your man in the face drop your lower lip and let your tears flow. This will hopefully result in your man feeling so helpless and upset that he will give you whatever it is you have your heart set on and sometimes through the mans guilt at having upset you ,sometimes even more!
Tantrums- In the unlikely event that your tears fail to melt the stone cold heart of your modern day caveman try having a tantrum! Have you ever seen a two year old child getting what they want? Well in this case all you need to do is copy the actions of the child. Yell, scream, slam doors, throw things and hopefully the disruption of your man's calm ordered life will be enough for him to give you what you want if only to restore the peace he so desires.
Feminine wiles- If you can't bear to ruin your make-up by crying and despise in raising your voice then try using your natural feminine charms to bring your man around to your way of thinking. Firstly dress in your most provocative underwear and outfit, then cook him his favourite meal served with his favourite cold beverage. Flirt with him and be the charming woman he fell in love with. Remember to show a little cleavage and don't forget an alluring perfume. If this method doesn't work don't worry as it leads directly into our next skill,
Sex- Women have used sex for centuries to get what that want from men. This is an exchange of goods, He wants sex, you can give him sex, in return for something you would like of course. Don't have sex with your man too often as this can lead to him not wanting it when you want something and we can't have that now can we? You need to be good at the art of sex because after all you need your man to be desperate for your attentions don't you? There are many types of sex, straight sex and oral sex being the most easy for a woman to perform in order to get what she wants. Without going into detail or being too crude, let's just suffice to say that after using one of these skills your man should be like putty in your hands, either that or to grateful of your attentions to say no.
Nagging- In the event none of these succeed in getting you what you want and deserve just use the age-old technique of whining and Nagging.
Good Luck!
User Reviews
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-09-06 21:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for outlining all the reasons why I have such a dim view of women.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes you love children..... to eat.
Add thisisrachels.at.hotmail.com and i will show you my grommet
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I think it's quite cool that you have reproduced, and if you ever get pictures of said child online, let us know, I'd really like a look see!
My sister had a girl in june, my second neice. I love children...
other people's children. Have one of my own? Hmm, I would have to get used to that idea. Give me about say, 15 more years
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-05 09:15:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo whatever happened to the disturbed two? You guys break up or something? Am I now the product of a broken gymp home?
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thats was a reply in my last post so ner I'm not lying.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Put that way it's rather disturbing.. . and I have not forgotten about you. ask apollo I was asking about you in my last post.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tuts: I have reviewed several of your posts in the last weeks, with no acknowledgement...
I thought it was just en vogue to forget all about me. ;)
How are you doing these days Miss Mom? How do you like seeing your blood and flesh, crawling around outside your body?
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
INSANETHEMIND!!!!!! it's you!!!!!! where have you been?
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-09-06 17:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I realize this is satire, but it's still weak satire.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-09-06 17:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Feminine wiles- If you can't bear to ruin your make-up by crying and despise in raising your voice then try using your natural feminine charms to bring your man around to your way of thinking. Firstly dress in your most provocative underwear and outfit, then cook him his favourite meal served with his favourite cold beverage. Flirt with him and be the charming woman he fell in love with. Remember to show a little cleavage and don't forget an alluring perfume. If this method doesn't work don't worry as it leads directly into our next skill,
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Good gaWd, you should be ashamed of yourself, Ms Smith!
Submitted by ramenforsupper (user info) at 2005-09-06 12:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Tears- Ah tears many a woman has used this skill
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Improper punctuation.
Also, fuck women and all the bullshit they spew like the whole world is supposed to stop consuming Big Macs and take notice.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2005-09-06 12:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nag nag nag........
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-09-06 12:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:44:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to bring this out of the minuses.
________________________________________________
Good idea. It should have been there already.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to bring this out of the minuses.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:25:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know why I feel like I have to defend every one of my posts. I could submit a post that was made up of just the number one and I would still feel the need to protect it, nurture it, love it and name it bob.
Please stop picking on my babies.
**sulks**
___________________________________________________________________
If the post were #1, the appropriate name WOULD be Bob, heh heh heh.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:25:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know why I feel like I have to defend every one of my posts. I could submit a post that was made up of just the number one and I would still feel the need to protect it, nurture it, love it and name it bob.
Please stop picking on my babies.
**sulks**
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha ha... made me laugh
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Weaksauce
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fer Chrissakes! Of course we new it was
tongue in cheek. We isn't a complete bunch
uv reetards, ya know. . .
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is tongue in cheek you retards. Not to be taken seriously. Ahh poo I'm not going to justify myself because I thought it was quite an original concept.
I think I need to breath now........
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't work on me.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bubba-highclass-jerks answer to Cordelia:
Be a man, give your woman what she deserves. . no, wait.
Jail sucks.
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-09-06 11:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not your best effort
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74615
wOOOOOOOOOOOOOOt!!
PPS; YOU STILL SUCK THE SEMEN FROM A SWAMP NIGGERS BALLSACK!!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
it's got all the makings of a pure bitch
<backhand slap>
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Blow me and I'll consider reading this happy horseshit.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:50:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:45:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
Huh.
My list would have been shorter.
"How to get what you want"
1 - Fucking well get it yourself.
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Now THERE is a real woman.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Happy ,pants,this was awful!!111
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Please die, you worthless CUNT.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope you realise this is tongue in cheek I learnt long ago all this would earn me is a slap in the face. Not that my face has ever been slapped, but you know what I mean.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Huh.
My list would have been shorter.
"How to get what you want"
1 - Fucking well get it yourself.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-06 10:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment