What was the question? (760 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.73 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Starshine (View user info) at 2005-09-06 20:46:58 EDT
It's like falling asleep at the wheel.
You start off, and you're fine. The wind of your travel refreshes you, the clouds are sparse and poof in all the right places, so you can still see a glimmer of a star through them. And where they aren't? Black velvet, if you please. Black velvet with a touch of diamonds.
But then the diamonds start to fade -- they turn into dandruff, on triple-washed black jeans. The leftover rain sprinkles stop making a kaleidoscope of the cars in front of you, and simply become dry outlines of the world-changing droplets they used to be.
The enchantment is gone. The first step is gone.
You turn on music, and that keeps you awake. Maybe you roll up your window, so you can hear it better; maybe you leave it down, and weave your hand up and down in time to the rhythm. You check your cellphone, listen to a message, possibly talk to a friend.
The point is, by the time you finish the conversation, it's late. Too late to call someone else, too far away to do anything but drive. Drive drive drive. It becomes a chore, a way of protecting yourself, because at the back of your mind, you realise that maybe, just maybe, you aren't strong enough to last the night.
The incentive is gone. The second step is gone.
You begin to drift, the edges of your brain fuzzing a bit. You blink less -- or you don't realise it when you do -- and you stop waving your hand out the window. It's numb, anyway. The highway isn't lined with ridges; it all just smooths off into desert nothingness.
The desert used to be beautiful. The first step was beautiful. But you've left the desert, in your mind -- you're already at your destination, longing after that hotel bed, the reflexive flicking on of free HBO, the fatigued brushing of teeth. And that's what you're thinking of when your car rolls off the road, over the cliff, and into oblivion.
You're dead.
What was the question?
User Reviews
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-08-02 12:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-08-02 12:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the red skies do look fake.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-02 12:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This one wasn't bad
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 01:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"they turn into dandruff, on triple-washed black jeans."
hahahahahahaha
I find that hilarious.
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-09-10 01:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"they turn into dandruff, on triple-washed black jeans."
your metaphors need a lttle work. Nice overall emotion though.
Submitted by IntangibleHands (user info) at 2005-09-10 00:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminded me of all those old choose your own adventure books.
*Love*
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-09-07 08:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-09-07 06:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd +2 it...
In the pooper.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-09-06 23:20:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm about to masturbate.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-09-06 22:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more hits.
Your username is disturbingly similar to mine; I've found myself getting confused when I see your reviews on something and don't remember writing them! I commend your choice.
Submitted by Psycosis (user info) at 2005-09-06 22:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm microsleeps suck. Good story though.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-09-06 21:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-09-06 21:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason I really like your username. Am I gay? Anyway, here's a +2!
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-09-06 21:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with the last guy. Awesome though.
Submitted by rick_the_stud (user info) at 2005-09-06 21:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not too bad.
one gripe though; you could've done completely without the line "you're dead." that's kinda obvious and i think it seriously detracts from your ending. i used to have a similar problem with my writing, but you'd be surprised at how much people actually pick up on, or at least enough that you usually don't have to state the obvious. and if they don't get, it wasn't for them anyway.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-09-06 21:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 story
+1 picture
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TOTAL
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-09-06 21:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Twice. Always a thrill.
Submitted by Teuton (user info) at 2005-09-06 21:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well fuck I am going to drink some coffee before I drive home tonight. Thanks!
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-06 20:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment