Take my advice... (1011 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HotDog (View user info) at 2003-05-14 20:11:27 EDT
Some master tips from Hot-diggity-Dog...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. HotDog, whenever I go out in public, people either laugh at me, or throw their shoes at me. What am I doing wrong?
-Jim
My Reply: Well Jim, there are many possible things as to you're doing wrong. Now, MOST advisors would help you try to identify the problem, and solve it peacefully. HotDog, however, is not "Most" advisors. If I were you, I'd bring a knife along with me wherever I went, and threaten small children with it.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
As for the people who laugh at you and throw their footwear in your direction, they are well justified, for you see Jim, you're a dipshit.
-Max
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. HotDog, I woke up to find a rattlesnake in my bed. I fell off and landed on my prize javeline and I am now internally bleeding. The rattlesnake still bit me numerous times, and all the phones are down. I am poisoned, impaled, and losing consciousness. What do I do?
-Jeb
My Reply: Jeb? God that's the stupidest name I've ever heard. What kind of a mother would name her kid "Jeb"? My main advice to you Jeb, is to change your name to something better, like Razor. That is a cool name.
As for your initial letter, I could really care less. If your parents were stupid enough to name you "Jeb", then it's quite probable that you too, Jeb, are an idiot as well. Let the snake-poison seep into your very soul and cause you a slow and painful death, you God-awful scourge to society.
-Max
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. HotDog, I don't like my mother in law, but she's coming over for dinner tonight. What do I do?
-Thomas
My Reply: Mothers-in-law are a big problem in America today, but I have perfected a very sneaky and ever-so-subtle way of getting rid of the them: blow their fuckin' heads off with shotguns.
If you don't have a shotgun, an ordinary broadsword would be adequate. Just come out swinging it over your head like a crazed maniac. Remember that you can't just kill them by decapitation because mothers-in-law are actually undead minions of Satan. Oh wait, that would make them cool. Well, they won't die from getting their heads chopped off, so just hack them to bits once they fall.
Remember to dispose the body in your local playground sandbox.
-Max
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, that's all I have this week. Tune in later to find more tips from HotDog himself.
-Max
User Reviews
Submitted by jesus crust at 2003-05-16 00:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, chipollate sure is one mature 14 year old. "Trust me OICU812...I am glad that you do not like my posts. It means that they are a step higher than your current maturity level, you twat." fuck, dumb bitches like her make teens look like retards.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-05-16 00:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by oddzandendz (user info) at 2003-05-15 11:05:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha that was fun! I have a question for Mr Reply! I have the opprotunity to have casual sex with a woman who has had a child and an abortion. As convienient and sexy as she is, I can't bring myself to journey to the centre of the poon......how can I overcome my phobia of busted ass pussy?
Submitted by Istaros <archon_templar.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-05-15 03:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Trust me OICU812...I am glad that you do not like my posts. It means that they are a step higher than your current maturity level, you twat."
hahahhaahhahaha....
Submitted by Istaros <archon_templar.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-05-15 03:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"If I were you, I'd bring a knife along with me wherever I went, and threaten small children with it.
Yeah, that's a good idea."
I do that... With the exception that it isn't just small children whom I threat. Nobody's exempt.
Submitted by Chromeus <chromeus1.at.juno.com> at 2003-05-15 03:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2. HotDog, I woke up to find a rattlesnake in my bed. I fell off and landed on my prize javeline and I am now internally bleeding. The rattlesnake still bit me numerous times, and all the phones are down. I am poisoned, impaled, and losing consciousness. What do I do?
-Jeb
My Reply: Jeb? God that's the stupidest name I've ever heard. What kind of a mother would name her kid "Jeb"? My main advice to you Jeb, is to change your name to something better, like Razor. That is a cool name.
As for your initial letter, I could really care less. If your parents were stupid enough to name you "Jeb", then it's quite probable that you too, Jeb, are an idiot as well. Let the snake-poison seep into your very soul and cause you a slow and painful death, you God-awful scourge to society.
-Max
I'll just add here that the completely inept governor of Florida is Jeb Bush. Being a Jeb, and a Bush, makes him twice as inept as every other homo sapien that claims themselves as humanity, and he should obviously be assassinated as soon as possible.
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2003-05-15 03:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bit random, but nevertheless, funny
Submitted by dasteve (user info) at 2003-05-15 03:18:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by worksucks at 2003-05-14 22:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
killed ten minutes and didn't make me to want to shoot myself, not my "cup o tea" but to each his own...
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2003-05-14 22:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-05-14 22:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trust me OICU812...I am glad that you do not like my posts. It means that they are a step higher than your current maturity level, you twat.
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-14 21:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still like this better than your posts.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-05-14 21:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
At least it was true and believeable. This...this is crap.
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-14 20:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahaha.
HotDog made a funny.
Submitted by HotDog (user info) at 2003-05-14 20:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, your Jewish Joke post was a lot better...
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-05-14 20:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Jeb? God that's the stupidest name I've ever heard"
Take my advice? That's the stupidest post I've ever read.
Submitted by Snipa at 2003-05-14 20:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You read it, I red it!
Submitted by Scythe (user info) at 2003-05-14 20:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read this post.