Dear Lord, Please End This Day - Random Thoughts (884 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Salvation Jane (View user info) at 2005-09-08 14:22:08 EDT
If an herbivore, such as a rabbit, got hungry enough... would he eat a squirrel?
For lunch, I'm going to have a plate of home-cooked lasagna. Seeing as I'm at the office and materials are scarce, I shall improvise. For lunch, I shall have shredded documents with a light drizzling of ketchup, topped with fresh pencil shavings.
Why say "fucking a"? If you're going to say "fuck" why not just finish the profanity without censorship?
Say you got stabbed in the eyeball with a pencil... but it wasn't in the pupil or iris or anything. It was just in the eye white off to the side a little. Would you be able to walk around with the pencil stuck there and still see out of that eye?
Why don't I ever find the flecks of nail polish that chip off my toenails when I dust? Where do they go?
What the FUCK posseses the guy I'm seeing's roommate to play the same fucking song OVER AND FUCKING OVER again, on high volume at 2am?!? How many times does a person need to fucking hear "Beverly Hills" by Weezer!?! WE GET IT. YOU FEEL INTENSE ANGST ABOUT YOUR MONETARY SITUATION. Christ, maybe if you'd get a job other than working at the fucking liquor store, you'd have some money!
I can't remember what color panties I'm wearing. Does that mean I'm getting senile? Or am I just a ditz?
Shouldn't prostitutes be expensed on business trips? Sure, it's a little unethical. But it isn't exactly high-class and professional to feed a client booze and take him to strip clubs either *pointed look at Ben in sales*
Now that I've spent time on uber, I actually have a great desire to adopt a pet monkey and put a pair of pants on him. It just seems natural. He should also build and mail bombs that are made disguised to look like bongs.
I would like to open a carpet company that sells land-mine rugs. Every few feet, a tiny little land mine would be imbedded in the rug. If you step on it? BAM no more foot. It would also be nice to have a carpet that shot rusty nails at people. Yeah, that'd be cool.
I can't get the image of a baby's arm holding an apple in his fist out of my mind. I feel very dirty thinking about that. Does that make me a pedophile.
If I was 9 years old when the guy I'm dating turned 19... should I not date him? Why not? Why is he single still anyway? When finding out that he hadn't had sex in 2 years... should I assume he has something seriously wrong with him? I don't know. Maybe he got syphillis or something and it was a harsh case and took a long time to cure. um... Yeah, let's not date him.
I need to get out of this fucking office. I am very frightened that I have started looking at my ball point pen as a possible weapon.
who the hell thought of this ad campaign?
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-09-08 17:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't know any of the answers to your questions but I am well aware that I don't give up a fuck about your toenail polish.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2005-09-08 15:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who would make an alter to make 35 non-controversial ratings and one post over the course of 18months?
Submitted by Salvation_Jane (user info) at 2005-09-08 15:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
alter? alter alter? alter alter die alter. Your mom's an alter? Alter alter alter alter.
yeah man
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2005-09-08 15:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pet monkeys for everyone!
Submitted by Salvation_Jane (user info) at 2005-09-08 15:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i checked.
they're pink with little scotty dogs on them
i am so money
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-09-08 15:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think if you forget your panty color, it just means you didn't really care about it in the first place. A guy would never forget the panties you were wearing, if you let us see them....
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-09-08 15:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO check your panty color and share with us
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-09-08 15:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that I've spent time on uber, I actually have a great desire to adopt a pet monkey and put a pair of pants on him. It just seems natural. He should also build and mail bombs that are made disguised to look like bongs.
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Ah honey, that just means you fit in.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THERE'S A DARK HORCE IN THE RUNNING
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Say you got stabbed in the eyeball with a pencil... but it wasn't in the pupil or iris or anything. It was just in the eye white off to the side a little. Would you be able to walk around with the pencil stuck there and still see out of that eye?
__________________________________________
ok...still shuddering and wincing and blinking.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who the hell thought of this ad campaign?
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Jesus.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If an herbivore, such as a rabbit, got hungry enough... would he eat a squirrel?
-- rabbits are actually omnivores. They will eat meat if it's presented to them, but they don't actively hunt it.
For lunch, I'm going to have a plate of home-cooked lasagna. Seeing as I'm at the office and materials are scarce, I shall improvise. For lunch, I shall have shredded documents with a light drizzling of ketchup, topped with fresh pencil shavings.
--- delicious. Save some for me.
Why say "fucking a"? If you're going to say "fuck" why not just finish the profanity without censorship?
--- I don't think that's actually short for something... it's just one of those weirdo slang terms
Say you got stabbed in the eyeball with a pencil... but it wasn't in the pupil or iris or anything. It was just in the eye white off to the side a little. Would you be able to walk around with the pencil stuck there and still see out of that eye?
---
I've always wondered that too. My brother won't let me experiment on him, though. He thinks it might hurt.
Why don't I ever find the flecks of nail polish that chip off my toenails when I dust? Where do they go?
--- Because they probably actually rub off on the inside of your shoes as opposed to chipping. Also, I don't think they float, so unless you have hardwood floors, you wouldn't find them when you dust.
What the FUCK posseses the guy I'm seeing's roommate to play the same fucking song OVER AND FUCKING OVER again, on high volume at 2am?!? How many times does a person need to fucking hear "Beverly Hills" by Weezer!?! WE GET IT. YOU FEEL INTENSE ANGST ABOUT YOUR MONETARY SITUATION. Christ, maybe if you'd get a job other than working at the fucking liquor store, you'd have some money!
--- Maybe he just really like that song. He should turn it down some, though.
I can't remember what color panties I'm wearing. Does that mean I'm getting senile? Or am I just a ditz?
--- I often forget that. I'm senile. Therefore, you must be senile too.
Shouldn't prostitutes be expensed on business trips? Sure, it's a little unethical. But it isn't exactly high-class and professional to feed a client booze and take him to strip clubs either *pointed look at Ben in sales*
--- prostitutes are (needlessly) illegal. Strip clubs aren't, even though those women are worse whores than actual whores, because they don't shag you. They just make you give them money to WANT to shag them.
Now that I've spent time on uber, I actually have a great desire to adopt a pet monkey and put a pair of pants on him. It just seems natural. He should also build and mail bombs that are made disguised to look like bongs.
--- USPS won't send bongs through the mail unless they're unused. They swab-test the insides of the questionable ones for residue.
I would like to open a carpet company that sells land-mine rugs. Every few feet, a tiny little land mine would be imbedded in the rug. If you step on it? BAM no more foot. It would also be nice to have a carpet that shot rusty nails at people. Yeah, that'd be cool.
--- but messy.
I can't get the image of a baby's arm holding an apple in his fist out of my mind. I feel very dirty thinking about that. Does that make me a pedophile.
--- nope. Just means you like the cahk. But really... if you saw a weiner with a head that big on it, would you really let him put that thing in you?
If I was 9 years old when the guy I'm dating turned 19... should I not date him? Why not? Why is he single still anyway? When finding out that he hadn't had sex in 2 years... should I assume he has something seriously wrong with him? I don't know. Maybe he got syphillis or something and it was a harsh case and took a long time to cure. um... Yeah, let's not date him.
--- no. because he's smelly. because he's smelly. yes. I vote he's got a hairy weiner and it took him that long to get up the nerve to have electrolysis on it.
I need to get out of this fucking office. I am very frightened that I have started looking at my ball point pen as a possible weapon.
--- mechanical pencils and letter-openers are best. Pointier and more painful.
who the hell thought of this ad campaign?
--- the lard people, of course!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How many times does a person need to fucking hear "Beverly Hills" by Weezer!?!
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There are definitely better songs by them to listen to. Although I do like that song.
I never knew the 'a' in "fuckin a" stood for something. I just thought it was a saying.
Oh, and I have to linkwhore this clip: http://www.ubersite.com/m/74753
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:26:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
...
It's very un-dude
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great minds...
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why say "fucking a"? If you're going to say "fuck" why not just finish the profanity without censorship?
---
if it's good enough for "the dude" (big lebowski) and "lawrence" (office space), then it's good enough for me.
don't hate on beverly hills. true, it may be their sellout song of the album, but, next to "hollaback girl", it's the catchiest song of the century.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Why say "fucking a"? If you're going to say "fuck" why not just finish the profanity without censorship"
It's very un-dude