My ricer can break 100+ mph or I have gargantuan gonads and everyone thinks I'm cool (985 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.25 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mario (View user info) at 2005-09-09 11:43:21 EDT
About two months ago, I purchased my first car. Until that point I drove one of the parent's cars (high school) or bummed a ride (college). The car I drive is somewhat flashy, not anything tooo fancy but I think it's good.
So I'm driving my RX-8 out of the dealer, having a good time cruising in my neighborhood. I'm stopped at a traffic light and I hear what sounds like 100 pissed off lawn-mowers to my left. I look and I quake in fear of a 1990 Honda Civic. It has a carbon fiber hood, and the sweetest body kit you've ever seen, but it's white and attached with tape. A huge wing is sprawled across the back of the car, just in case the car breaks 150 mph and it needs that extra traction.
When I think back to it, Mike Tyson pops into my head and "impetuous", "impregnable", and "this is the ultimate, man" describe the mighty mighty ricer that flanked me. Inside sat the most disgruntled white boy I've seen in my life. "Reeeeeeen-duh duh duh", screamed his engine. A challenge. The light went green and the Ferrari, I mean ricer, took off and left me in its wake, wondering how the hell he managed to go from 0-60 in an impressive 12 seconds. Not all japanese cars are ricers in my book, just the cheap ones that have had ridiculous amounts of work done on them that look like they came out of a cartoon.
I have and will never race people...you know why? Because it doesn't fucking matter. Maybe I don't know something and a fellatious blonde just magically pops into your passenger seat when you blow past someone on the road, maybe there's a big cash prize at the end of the highway that I always miss out on. But you know what, those angry little men can go ahead and total their Hot Wheels in an attempt to prove something. I don't care if you have 110 or 550 horses under your hood and I don't believe most people do either. My car isn't the most powerful out there, but it looks good and rides well. I do speed on occasion when there's no one around and the conditions are right (115 in 3rd gear), but I definately never do it to race or show off.
Take that $1600 you spent on turbo kits and pulleys and get some nudie magazines. Worst case scenario you get a paper cut somewhere special, which is always better than the poor sap I saw literally sliced in half in New Jersey. And if you ever see me driving around, go ahead, show me how much of a man you are. Get the cops off my ass and let me speed in peace.
User Reviews
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-09-12 05:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I thought it'd be worth the constant scolling. I was wrong.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-09-09 17:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-09-09 17:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha...that was actually funny.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-09-09 17:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for proving the point, numbnuts. And I'm not Italian you hick.
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HICK
DEMS FIGHT..ER UM I MEAN RACIN WORDS
WE MUST RACE TO THE VICTORY LINE
I WIL GIVE YOU 4 SPOTS AND THE HIT
HAHAHA
U GONNA LOOOSSEE
GO SVT WOO!!!
Submitted by Grande_Pelotas (user info) at 2005-09-09 16:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it holmes!
Appollo...
Mang, if you trade a BMW for a Mazda, I will have to slice you with the lid from my freshly opened can of refried beans amigo. Even wetbacks know that there is no excuse for getting rid of a beemer, c'mon puto!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-09-09 15:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope black people steal your car and cut it apart with chainsaws.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-09-09 15:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THAT RICER HEAP GIVES ME HERPES
BUY AMERICAN YOU ITALIAN ASSHOLE
I WILL RACE YOU WITH MY LIGHTNING
YOUR CRAZY BEE ENGINED CAR WILL LOSE
AND THEN YOUR LADY WILL LEAVE YOU
AND I WILL SELL HER TO THE BLACK MARKET
GO SVT POWA WOOO!!!
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Thanks for proving the point, numbnuts. And I'm not Italian you hick.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-09 14:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
plus fucking two
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-09 14:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:45:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Take me for a ride!
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I'd sure love to take you for a test spin, TigerLilly, and I love your color scheme - tan on blonde!
Just put your top down, and away we go!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-09-09 14:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell is that...the Flintstone-Mobile?
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-09-09 14:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THAT RICER HEAP GIVES ME HERPES
BUY AMERICAN YOU ITALIAN ASSHOLE
I WILL RACE YOU WITH MY LIGHTNING
YOUR CRAZY BEE ENGINED CAR WILL LOSE
AND THEN YOUR LADY WILL LEAVE YOU
AND I WILL SELL HER TO THE BLACK MARKET
GO SVT POWA WOOO!!!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-09-09 14:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Exactly.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-09-09 13:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bought my first new car this year too. A Mercedes slk 350.
Everyone wants to race, but I'm more concerned with getting down the street in style.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-09-09 13:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad at all. i drove one of those before i bought the G35. it was a no-contest.
wait til i post a pic of my new car though. you'll all cream
Submitted by rubixxcube (user info) at 2005-09-09 13:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Decent post however i find racing fun. You're right there is no prize or anything but it kinda makes you laugh inside when somebody with a junk car wants to race you when they have no shot. It was the most fun when i had my sport bike, every car wants to race and none could win.
I am not a huge fan of the RX8, i would have spent a few more grand and got a Lancer Evolution, not much more in price but it's rarer, faster, has a turbo and is all wheel drive.
Ruby
Ruby
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-09-09 13:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice car.
Agree with you too.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-09-09 13:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MAN IS THAT FUCKING THING UGLY.
Looks like a lizard.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-09-09 13:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am just a little bit jealous of your car. Even though I'm not a big fan of Mazdas.
Tell you what though, I got my base model 2005 Nissan Altima 4-cyl up to almost 75 mph the other day. It was sweeeet. Thought I was gonna die.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:50:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like peanuts
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd be all for racing, Clitty old chum, if people knew how to control their vehicles at high speed. I'd race in Germany any day because those people can drive, they take mandatory classes on that. But as long as you have a wannabe Andretti on every street with an overpowered car with loose steering and even sloppier suspension, you can fuck off.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome car dude! enjoy it!
Submitted by clit_commander (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
There is no point to anything....why not race? Why the fuck not? Why not just fuckin do it for the adrenaline rush?
As soon as you're born you start dieing, so you might as well have a good time.
-Cake
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
10 Vipers? Daaaaamn. Driving a shitty car can be fun, as long as you don't take yourself seriously and treat Main Street like the Le Mans. I learned to drive on a stick 65 Beetle with a rusted floor that flooded when we went in big puddles. That thing was awesome.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't race people at traffic lights either.
My hausband has an MX5 and is goign to sell it and get an RX8, I only care about the colour. Red is a pretty colour for a car.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:47:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure thing TigerLilly, so long as you stare longingly at me when I rev my engine and pass soccer moms. I know what gets you going ;-)
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Soccer moms don't really get me going. Silly! ;)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a sunfire...hear me roar!
I turned on the mainstreet in Mtl. When people wanna show off their cars, they go there. I ended being stuck in a convoy of Dodge Vipers. 10 to be exact. They were all reviving their huge ass engine and it was pretty loud. I immitated them to joke around with my passenger by reviving my demonic sunfire but when I did, silence fell and everybody on the sidewalk looked at me, paused and laughed their asses off. Good times with shitty cars.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:55:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
is that the 225 or the 250?
I am thinking of trading my bmw 320i for one of those soon, do you like it?
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Go for a E39 540i with the 6-speed. That will make your day every time you drive it.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-09-09 12:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I drove one. I liked it. I could almost afford it with insurance.
But it's too close to the Ford family for my liking.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a Mazda RX-8 and they come in 197hp Sports A/T transmission (can flip between manual and auto) and 238hp 6-speed. I got the A/T trans because, believe it or not, it's cheaper. I like it a lot, it has tons of space inside too, which is a plus.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Actually had a point!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
is that the 225 or the 250?
I am thinking of trading my bmw 320i for one of those soon, do you like it?
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatever dude
Check out this bad ass ride >>>>> http://sam.zoy.org/fun/goatse/Goatsidebyside1.jpg
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
RamJet, it redlines at about 9, 9.5 rpm. My only beef with it is that you have to get the rpms up to about 5k for good acceleration.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:48:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice car.
I take the bus.
It's sweet.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a very funny post. Nice work.
I test drove an RX-8 a few months back and they are a fun car to drive...especially since the engine redlines at what...10k RPM?
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you shopped around a bit you might have found an uglier car.
Bet you wished you had more patience now, eh?
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure thing TigerLilly, so long as you stare longingly at me when I rev my engine and pass soccer moms. I know what gets you going ;-)
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://tinypic.com/dhfw9u.jpg
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-09-09 11:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take me for a ride!