I Peed On Me. (941 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rachel Happy pants (View user info) at 2005-09-13 05:19:23 EDT
There are very few things in this world that I hate with a passion, these include photographs of myself, rude shop assistants and camping. Camping I hate camping. I hate everything about camping. I even hate the word C-A-M-P-I-N-G.
As a child some idiot in the family decided that it was good cheap family bonding to go on a holiday camping. A holiday camping?
Like a week away from civilization with no shower, only one change of clothes, the same boring food day after day, after day, having to listen to my parents fight because they were both too drunk to get along and sharing a tent with my brother could be considered a holiday. More like a week at prison camp. I know criminals whose punishments have been less than this.
So anyway at the age of 11 I was dragged off into the hills, literally kicking and screaming (they had to put the child locks on the doors and throw me in the car), to spend one whole week out in the bush. Like being a dirty hillbilly was something to be proud of.
The first day we got there was awful, the second day, awful, until by the third day I was beginning to warm up to this camping business. I was enjoying fishing for yabbies, going on long walks in the bush, even spending time with my parents. Sure I still hated all the things mentioned above, but camping was starting to grow on me.
Until the fourth night there. It was late at night and I had been asleep for a few hours. When I awoke I had a dull pain in my lower stomach, I needed to pee that bad. So I gingerly opened the tent flap waiting for all sorts of bogey men to pop their heads through just to say hi. When this didn't happen I climbed out. There was no moon that night and so for this reason I stayed close to the tent and squatted down too pee. Now normally I squat quite well and apart from a few splatters on my shoes the pee went where it was meant to. Straight down. I don't know why, maybe it was the dark, maybe it was the fact I had just woken up, who knows? But for some reason I peed all over my clothes and not only that but the run off went into the tent wetting my bedding, my brothers bedding and my only spare pair of clothes.
I don't know if you have ever peed on yourself, but I have and let me tell you pee itches. So I went off to do what any child does when they piss on themselves. I went to get my Mum. She had either had too much to drink or she was dead and couldn't help me. So I had to handle the problem myself. I went back to the tent and went back to sleep, in my piss.
The next morning I told my Mother about the peeing on myself. She decided as there was only one night of camping left that I could spend it in my pissy clothes, bedding and tent. Needless to say I wasn't impressed and neither was my brother.
To this day I can't stand the smell of homeless people and I can't stand camping.
User Reviews
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 12:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just bring some toilet paper so you can take care of business, but be nice and dig a small hole under the moss before you poop, then cover the hole and toilet paper with moss again, and nobody even knows....
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Note to self: never set foot in Sideshow's garden.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-09-13 12:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what all of you people are talking about, but maybe it is because I am Canadian, but camping is awesome. Burning shit and drinking beer outside. Smoke keeps the bugs away, fire keeps you warm, and if you are prepared, you could live out there indefinitely.
Just bring some toilet paper so you can take care of business, but be nice and dig a small hole under the moss before you poop, then cover the hole and toilet paper with moss again, and nobody even knows....
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-09-13 12:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All I can think of is the smell of urine now.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-13 10:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-09-13 07:58:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Next time, let's make it fun. I'LL pee on you.
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Oh please do!
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-09-13 09:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my worst camping experience ever- accumulating funk from 5 days of hiking in the same clothes, then having to "shower" it off... with snow.
i'd never actually seen my penis pull INTO my body before that day.
the overall experience was great, but that one moment was the epitome of suck.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-13 09:00:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Basking in one's own urine = party time
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-09-13 08:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i camp in stule. i have a four-person tent for two of us, we have a snazzy gas cooker and a proper pan set including a cam toaster, and we ONLY camp on good campsites...preferably with pools.
sod hardcore camping. that's a load of bollocks.
I want toilets, showers, water standpipes and to borrow my parent's electric hook-up when we go to sites with electricity points cos like my lamp.
still, even with the softee approach to camping my hubby still hates it.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-09-13 08:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to love camping. I've camped all over the place: up mountains, in valleys. Had my tent blown away, flooded. Loved it.
Can't be arsed with it now though.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-09-13 07:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Next time, let's make it fun. I'LL pee on you.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-09-13 07:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.travelmateinfo.com/page002.html
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 07:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still going to have 14 hours of sleep just to be safe. Again I have run out of funny things to say. I've got nothing.
*shuffles feet*
I'm gonna get lunch.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-09-13 07:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-09-13 05:27:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
normally I squat quite well""""
The mind boggles.
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My thoughts exactly.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-09-13 07:03:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will not bring amphetamines, you want to stay perky? Drink double vodka and red bull. Or brain remover as i call it.
God that stuff is bad for you, the vodka pushing you down, the red bull bringing you up. Asking fro trouble.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Large vaginas are the best, you can fit all sorts of cool stuff up there
Fabit, I need my sleep. When I'm tired on Uber I get a little overemotional and maybe I'll do something silly (like that time I inadvertantly accused MyNameIsTim of rape) but in the real world I just get grumpy and act like a complete dickhead.
Berty reccomends you bring amphetamine in case of emergency.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:34:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just tired. An' I wanna hug. An' a Sammich. An' all the other things I'd like to think would complete my life.
Most of all I want to go to bed.
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I will bring a sammich to London, Nathan will hug you. But there will be no sleeping for sure
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well thankyou for the twos. Bwerty I have something witty to say to me: Use contraception next time you of the large vagina.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just tired. An' I wanna hug. An' a Sammich. An' all the other things I'd like to think would complete my life.
Most of all I want to go to bed.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I go camping most weekends now...Well, actually I pass out, pissed up on my way home from the pub, usually in someones garden.
Submitted by Belimobile (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn what is going on with my crappy internet!!!! Oh well, have more +2's.
Submitted by Belimobile (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Berty dont be depressed. Think about all the good things in life, like cakes, and beer, oral sex, & the double points you get if you run over a Granny with a Zimmer instead of just a stick.
Submitted by Belimobile (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Berty dont be depressed. Think about all the good things in life, like cakes, and beer, oral sex, & the double points you get if you run over a Granny with a Zimmer instead of just a stick.
Submitted by Belimobile (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Berty dont be depressed. Think about all the good things in life, like cakes, and beer, oral sex, & the double points you get if you run over a Granny with a Zimmer instead of just a stick.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have nothing to say to you Tuts, I can't think of anything that is either witty or tasteful.
Merlina, hair dryers are very bad. They fluff my hair up to ridiculous proportions, so I wouldn't bother with em' unless I was hoping to intimidate owls or something. Camping does indeed suck ass though.
In fact, fuck it. The entire outside world sucks. There's no playstation, it's always cold and it's full of wasps.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hehehehe Berty lived in a tree. I concieved my daughter in the caravan. Thats how bored we were.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate camping - no where to plug my hairdryer in..
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG I SAID 'BEECH' LKE THE CARYVAN WAS IN A TREE OR SIMILAR!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My family used to own this old caravan on a blighted beech in Anglesey. It had a chemical toilet, a foot pump for the sink, gas lighting and a black & white television powered by a car battery.
We played a lot of Monopoly.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-13 06:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Next I will have to write about when I lived in a caravan. I don't hate caravans but I definitly don't like them.
Submitted by Belimobile (user info) at 2005-09-13 05:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do not camp. Camping is bad.
Caravanning rocks though... yes I am just trailer trash at heart folks!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 05:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-13 05:29:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well it was a dark and stormy night, actually no it was quite clear and the little bugger blew his load all over my blue skirt. The End.
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Unlucky mate.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-13 05:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well it was a dark and stormy night, actually no it was quite clear and the little bugger blew his load all over my blue skirt. The End.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-09-13 05:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
normally I squat quite well""""
The mind boggles.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-13 05:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was pretty cool, now tell us how you lost your virginity.