The Suburbanites (Ubercontest) (1100 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.5 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GANK (View user info) at 2005-09-15 17:35:31 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75223
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The other day I walked into an NBC producer's office with my idea for a new TV show.
The producer said, "Ok, let's hear it. Sell me on it."
I began describing the show:
"Well, it's a typical family, in a typical house in a typical neighborhood. The husband's in real-estate, the wife is a home-maker, the son & daughter go to school. They have a golden retriever and a siamese cat."
"Wow, sounds interesting", the producer dead-pans.
"The first episode, starts with a mock of the old Civil War song 'When Johnny Comes Marching Home'."
"When Johnny Blows Up the School Again,
Pipe bombs! Pipe bombs!
He'll wear a ski mask and shoot them too
They die! They die!
The jocks cry as the killer gloats
They'll all be scared of his trenchcoat
And they'll all be dead when,
Johnny blows up the school"
"As the song plays, we see a reenactment of the Columbine shootings, except in this one, after the carnage, the whole school blows up. When the song finishes, Johnny walks in the door taking off his black trenchcoat and puts the shotgun back on the gunrack in the den. His mother is right there to clean off all the blood, and hands him a PB & J with the crusts cut off."
"When the detectives show up, the mother testifies that her son was sick that day as an explanation for why he was the only kid not killed. The family makes it a nightly event to eat popcorn and laugh hysterically at the news coverage.
- The mom is like, 'Ha, look at Cindy Smith weeping over her twin daughters.'
- And the dad, 'Oooh, there's the police chief, they still don't have any leads. Aha.'
- The son chimes in, 'Whoa, there's that basketball picture of Bob Hanks Jr again. Too bad he didn't have a head when I was done with him. I picked it up and did a sky hook with it into a trashcan.'
- And the dad, 'You did? You never told me THAT. High Five!'
- The son, hand gestures, 'Swish!'
- And the dad, 'You shot him, after you shot him... Classic.'"
The producer tried to stop me with "Ok, wait...", but I told him I wasn't finished.
"Meanwhile, after the father & daughter do a careful frame-up on one of the volleyball coaches (chosen because she is what they call a 'fat, hairy dyke'), the woman is given the death penalty. Actual footage of the elecrocution is shown on the family's TV as they laugh and throw razor blades at each other. While they witness a woman hemorraging out of every orifice for acts of violence that she didn't commit, they drain all their small cuts into a pitcher and pour shots of it."
- The daughter is like, 'I bet you that carpet-muncher shit herself.'
- And the mom, 'Here's to the next school we do.'"
"After they all toast with a shot of the blood, the dad tells them that he has AIDS. They all laugh, because they know he's serious."
Again, the producer interrupted, but I waved him off.
"Previews of the next episode are shown after commercials, where the mom gets rammed by the big black mailman and he spits in her mouth as she's calling him 'darkie'. She ends up getting pregnant, but they can't very well have what they call a 'half-nigger baby', so one day before the third trimester, we show the abortion. You can see what appears to be little half-black fingers in the mess of blood."
"This is also the episode where we find out that the daughter is bulemic and whores herself out to pedophiles, and we show examples of both. It's a great sitcom."
"Sitcom?", and the producer shuddered, "Dare I ask what it's called?"
"The Suburbanites."
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NBC didn't pick up the show, but these guys did.
User Reviews
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-09-15 18:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-15 18:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd watch it every week!!!!!
Submitted by mestupsh0w0ff (user info) at 2005-09-15 18:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds entertaining, he bit right?
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2005-09-15 18:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2005-09-15 18:05:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
+[2] b/c I wasn't expecting [brilliance].
Although, [I, colslaw murphy,] need[] more W, X, & Y from JonnyX's version.
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Write your own then.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2005-09-15 18:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 b/c I wasn't expecting a sitcom.
Although, it needs more W, X, & Y from JonnyX's version.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2005-09-15 17:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JonnyX:
This time I just ganked the title. I only did those others before to prove a point (which may or may not be proven yet, we'll see).
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2005-09-15 17:41:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forgot: I ganked the title from coleslaw_murphy http://www.ubersite.com/m/75223#1591546.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-15 17:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
OK, where did you steal THIS one from?
(I'm assuming you did, because that's what you do, right?)
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-09-15 17:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
plus 1000!