Saving Grace - part 2 (687 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Kaote
Rating: 1.84 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (View user info) at 2005-09-19 10:15:42 EDT
Last Chapter - http://www.ubersite.com/m/75362
PRESENT DAY...
"I believe in the apocalypse," I said, sucking the last puff of smoke from the butt of my cigarette.
"Oh, I don't doubt that you do."
"Don't get me wrong, I don't want to see it come tomorrow or anything, but it does need to land eventually."
She took another swig from her beer and cocked her head in my direction. "Do you really think that I would disagree with you on this one?"
"I don't know? You come across as so hard core in some of your beliefs."
"Hard Core? Just because I'm not willing to be swayed by the public opinion of the moment doesn't mean..."
"You know exactly what I mean," I said interrupting her.
She laughed, light and pleasant. "You're right, I know what you mean."
We had been sitting here in the bar for over two hours now. Fortunately, I was a large enough individual to keep all the boys away from her. The pink sweater clung to her small breasts and the short black skirt showed quite a bit of leg. At least the leg that wasn't covered by the knee high leather boots. She was definitely giving her all tonight, and I was highly amused by that. The lip ring was a nice touch, too.
"Did I tell you I love the hair?" I asked.
She ran her hand over her short cropped pixie cut, the tiny black spikes falling back into place as her palm left them. She smiled at me.
"I thought this would be a distraction for you."
"Very much so."
When she had told me where to meet her, I had dressed for the occasion. Large baggy skater jeans, with a black tee shirt and a black suit coat over top. Very hip, in my opinion. She laughed at my attire, but had found it wholly appropriate for our surroundings. She was the one who had picked a college bar in Northern Ohio.
I will say one thing, she had picked a location with a great jukebox. Old U2, Iggy Pop, PJ Harvey, The Clash, some great shit was playing tonight. She knew how much I loved music, maybe that was why she choose this spot. Every time I tried to get her to talk music, she would change the subject. All I knew was that she loved the Blues. Figured.
"Let me bum one of your smokes," she said out of the blue.
"What! You always get on my shit for smoking."
"Yeah, well I've killed about eight beers now, and I've decided I want a cigarette."
I fished my pack out of my coat pocket and pulled out a smoke. Handing it over to her I routed around for my zippo. Finally finding it, I lit her up. She took a huge inhale. I expected her to start coughing, but I forgot who she actually was again for a moment. She exhaled like a pro.
"Yech, menthol. Like smoking with a breath mint in your mouth."
"Eh, that's kinda the point."
She took a few more puffs then stubbed in out in my ashtray.
"Wow, that was a fucking waste."
"Oh, shut up! You have an unlimited pack thanks to some underhand dealings with my father."
"Speaking of, how is the family?"
"Who knows," she sighed. "I barely see any of them anymore. It's too... taxing. I haven't been down to see them in months. Dad wanders up every now and again, but mom doesn't bother with me. I think I pissed her off one too many times."
I knew I was treading onto dangerous territory with the next question.
"Do you ever see Thadin anymore?"
Princess Grace, the Heiress the Hell, turned away from me.
"No," she said quietly. "Nor do I want to."
"If you ever want to talk about it..."
"Can we drop it, please?"
"Of course."
We sat there in an awkward silence for a few minutes. Grace was only twenty-two, young by any standards, (let alone the metaphysical one), but she made up for it in sheer will power. She was finally on extended holiday on Earth, told to experience all that the mortal world had to offer. She had quite a number of contacts here on the Midguard plane, most infernal, some like me of a neutral party. We tried to keep an eye on her for her parents and generally steer her in the right direction.
"What about you, mister big shot? Any special ladies in your life?"
I laughed. "How could I Grace? You know I'm in love with you."
"Right! 'Cause I'm so your type! Seriously, anybody?"
"No, my life is a little too strange to get close to anybody. Christ, I haven't had sex in... dear god. Well, that's how long."
"I was with this guy in California and..."
"No! Nope. Don't want to hear it. I really don't want to think about you and some other dude going at it. I want to pretend that you have smooth plastic areas like a Barbie Doll. Sex for you is rubbing your legs together with someone like a cricket."
"Stop it!"
"I'm serious. You may have ended up super hot, but I've known you for too long."
"I think I'm supposed to say thank you."
"Yes, you are."
We finished our beers and stumbled our way out of the bar. I noticed quite a few jealous looks tossed my way by some of the guys. Excellent. Grace was clinging to me to stay up straight, and a few times she brushed a little too close. I would never have told her, but I did always have a thing for her. Who couldn't? She was intelligent, powerful, and retarded hot - as in she made me retarded, she was so hot.
But the baggage that was involved was too much. Not only did that involve the Infernal Host, Satan himself, but all the bullshit that she had been through with Thadin. She wasn't ready yet, and I didn't want to be the person who got the emotional shit kicked out of them in the process. No, Grace needed a friend.
We found an abandoned alley and Grace called the Five Points of Contention, forming a portal back to her flat in England. I would see her safely away before I left in a swirl of black lightening. She turned one last time to look at me.
"So what are you going by this week?"
"Call me Ed."
"Thanks Ed. I'll call you soon, I promise."
"I know, hon. Take care. Let me know if you need anything."
She stepped through the ring of flames leaving me alone in the alley. I paused long enough to light up another cigarette before a summoned a doorway of Chaos and stepped through myself.
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-26 13:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-10-01 09:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-09-28 12:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ed's back in business!
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-09-22 05:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another sweet ass serie is starting ...
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-09-21 05:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pink sweater...
Submitted by a_palindrome (user info) at 2005-09-20 22:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I disagree with Benny-- I think the way you introduced Ed's name was fine. Grace's question implies, as Benny said, that Ed changes his name often, most likely for the purpose of not giving out his identity. Grace would have probably known that, and by asking by what name he was going as, she was making sure she knew what to call him in the future, in front of people who knew him as Ed.
That's just my take on it.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-20 18:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-09-20 08:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a relatively easy way to address the name issue would be to leave it as is until the end and then have grace simply say Thank you for the night.... Ed. or something less cheesy but along those lines.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-20 00:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oooh, Benny made a good point there, about Ed's name. You should find another way to sneak his name into the story.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-09-19 21:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always like your work. The main reason is that you have an amazing imagination. The terms and descriptions you come up with create a vivid and powerful image into the reader's mind.
I do have a criticism that relates to the end of your instalment. It didn't gel with me when Grace asked Ed what his name is (even if she worded it as though he changes his name). If they have known each other for a long time then I believe that Grace would call him by the name she is most familiar with. I realise that you probably did this to surprise the reader that it was Ed but it just didn't seem like something that either of them would have said.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-19 20:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
John - Edward Sands originally appeared in the "Diary Of A Kaote" series. It introduced his character and the world that he lives in. It's an 8 part series I've posted here that received relatively good marks, but I soon realized was filled with many errors. Fortunately, I have I master plan behind all of this, so please, go back and check them out. Once the "Saving Grace" series wraps up, I'll move on to the next story arc "Fallen Faith" and then onto the 10 parter "The Search."
Thecaes - This would be a couple of years later. Ed has graduted college and is now a writer. He's a bit more mature and has seen a little more (You'll find out about the Pirates eventually.) He's about 25 now, and I wanted to write him a little stronger, less flighty. I've also decided that from now on, you and Lady Plural are going to be my finishing editors. You two seem to be able to pick out the flaws that I can't see for some reason.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-19 19:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm.
Hmmmmmm.
I didn't believe it was Ed until he said his name. I never thought of Ed as large, and his first-person voice seemed totally different to the way you wrote him in the previous series. Just...didn't seem like him, to me.
Oh: "Midguard?" I think that's a Norse word...isn't it spelled "midgard," or "midgaard?" Is that where you got the name?
I've read Thor comics. Give me a cookie.
Submitted by johnhutch (user info) at 2005-09-19 15:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What story(s) was Ed introduced? I'd like to read them
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-09-19 13:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Re-introduction of Ed here got me excited, I love his character!
I'm gonna need some of your art on Grace for...personnal reasons.
Submitted by johnhutch (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dig.
The one problem with a lot of multi-parters is that, in the end, the come off like a short-chaptered Dan Brown book. You limit yourself in your need to introduce and wrap things up quickly. This particular entry just seemed too short for what I imagine it was supposed to do: introduce the characters in their present skin.
TIme will tell as the plot goes on, but I don't know that this section/part/chapter will have added much to the end product.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-09-19 10:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhm, of *course* I'm going to stick around. Sheesh, Ubersite is my internet home, and anyone who posts not-shit is a Very Good Thing, as far as I'm concerned.
Not that you fall into that category, of course.
:)
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-19 10:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Lady, I understand exactly what you mean. I wrote these posts originally for pH and sometimes I would go for weeks between installments. I wanted readers to be able to feel like they could step into the story at any time. I'm beginning to see how that doesn't translate as well when I'm posting every day here. Now, there are only 3 more parts of the "Saving Grace" series. It was just to introduce her to the readers. The next 2 series are much more plot-oriented. Please stick around...
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-09-19 10:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool start to a story, by the way.
I've noticed that you have a tendency to not really allude to any future developments in a plot- it's like you tend to write random anecdotes and/or snippets of someone's day, some of which are actually connected, rather than an actual plot-line or a 'real' story, per se. I'm having some trouble articulating exactly what I mean, so if anyone else has noticed this feel free to expand, but do you kind of understand what I'm saying? Maybe it's just the obviously slightly disjointed format that you're forced to post things in, and it's not necessarily a bad thing that you do it. I'm just making an admittedly incoherent observation.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-09-19 10:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oooh oooh ooh first review.
I'm so fucking cool.