Random Thoughts - Vol. 6,429 (1322 hits)
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Rating: 1.64 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-09-19 11:30:59 EDT
If someone puts a hit on Dante Culpepper and he's gunned down on the streets of Minneapolis, do we automatically receive the first selection in the upcoming supplemental draft? Not that I'm planning this or anything, just asking....
Speaking of Dante, I've rarely seen anything like this. In fact, just like Bill Simmons' "Ewing Theory," this whole idea needs a name. I say we call it The Shaq Principle, based on what happened to Penny Hardaway once Shaq left for the Lakers. Here's a breakdown of The Shaq Principle:
An overrated player (Penny Hardaway) on a team with a legit superstar (Shaq) looks much better than he really is because of the other guy's talent. Because of this, people start to believe that the overrated player is elite and the other guy is just along for the ride. Eventually the superstar leaves town, and once he's gone, the media and fans think the overrated player will be as good, if not better than he was before now that the team is all his. The overrated player proceeds to fall flat on his face and takes the entire team down with him.
(Recent examples: Penny Hardaway/Shaq - Jeff Garcia/Terrell Owens - Dante Culpepper/Randy Moss)
How about the 2-0 Cincinnati Bengals? Incidentally, I had planned on refusing to recognize their proper noun status (rendering them unworthy of capitalization) and referring to them as the "Cincinnati bengals" until they finished one damned season with a winning record, but then the first two weeks happened. They're 2-0. TWO AND OH! I don't know what to do right now. I'm one win away from painting my chest orange and black and running through the streets shouting "WHO-DEY" at all who will listen.
It's worth noting, however, that the last time they were 2-0 was the 1992 season. Then, in week three, they traveled to Green Bay and faced a Packers team led by Don Majkowski. After the "Magic Man" went down with an injury, a young QB by the name of Brett Favre came in and threw the game-winning touchdown pass to Kittrick Taylor with 13 seconds remaining, giving the Packers a 24-23 victory, launching Favre's Hall of Fame career, and basically destroying the Cincinnati franchise for the next 12 years.
For the record: Yes, I partially blame Brett Favre (along with the entire Brown family, David Shula, David Klingler, KiJana Carter, Akili Smith, Bruce Coslet, and Dick LeBeau) for their futility. Yes, I'm still bitter about the last 14 years. Yes, I find it fitting that Favre has to come into Cincinnati this season to provide Bengals fans around the world with some sort of bizarre closure. And yes, I'm aware that I take this sports stuff entirely too seriously and may need to see a therapist.
On a lighter note, how about Carson friggin' Palmer? He had his fifth straight game with a passer rating of at least 100 on Sunday -- a game where he threw for 337 yards and 3 touchdowns. Also, since week 12 of last season, he has the best passer rating in the NFL. I think it's safe to say he's for real.
I don't feel there's a question that could be asked that I couldn't respond to with the phrase: "Applesauce, bitch."
"Tom, what are you doing for lunch?"
Applesauce, bitch.
The Toledo Mud Hens recently won the Governor's Cup, the championship of Triple A International League Baseball. I'm not really sure what to do with this. Should I be happy or am I correct in pretending it hasn't happened? To me, it's a bit like celebrating a McDonald's employee making me a really good Big Mac. Sure, it's nice to have, but I don't really care. Plus the guy works at McDonalds. I mean, how can you celebrate that?
Thanks to my driving prowess (consistently reaching speeds of 10-15 miles over the posted speed limit in any given area), the residential neighborhood that I rocket through each morning now has one of those radar buggies set up on the side of the road. At first I was apprehensive about the buggy. I thought, perhaps, that it contained a hidden camera that would capture my license plate and result in the Toledo PD sending me a bill for my vehicular shenanigans. After all, it had flashing red and blue lights on either side of it that tell you if you're driving too fast.
However, upon inspection, I've realized this thing is nothing more than a glorified radar gun with bright, flashing lights. Since then, I've been having so much fun with this thing it should be illegal. Each day I pass it, I try to see how high I can get the numbers to go. The speed limit in the neighborhood is 25, but just last Friday the buggy informed me that my Jeep was going just a shade under Mach 1.
What's even better is messing with other drivers. I've found that if you trail behind them on the left side of the road, your speed will not register because the buggy can not see you. However, if you come flying up behind them at 50 MPH on the right side of the road, your speed will register, the lights will start flashing, and the person in front of you will slam on the brakes and frantically look around for police. I LOVE DOING THIS. There are very few things on my trips to work that make me happier. I hope they never move this buggy to a different area. In fact, the only thing that would make me more fond of this buggy would be if it stopped me and asked if I would like it to perform fellacio for a nominal fee.
User Reviews
Submitted by nyxmar (user info) at 2005-09-19 17:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bengals finally rock again. Its been a long time comin. But, its true the Vikings suck without Moss, so I'll wait and see how we do the rest of the season. I got to see Orton play at Purdue and he is the real deal. The first game he ever played in he put up 83 pass attempts, in the rain. It will be tough, but I think the Bengals will beat the Bears to go to an unheard of 3-0. Oh, and the colts dont seem to be doing that well offensively, thank god you guys improved on defense, you can bet Cinci is looking forward to that game in Nov.
Submitted by chemokenny (user info) at 2005-09-19 15:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Applesauce, bitch.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-09-19 13:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Bungles come to Chicago for a bitch-slapping next week by the Rookie and a hellacious D.
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2005-09-19 13:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
go eagles woo
Submitted by cocaine (user info) at 2005-09-19 12:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, he sucks right now. But he can only get better.
And Orton? AWESOME pick-up. I have him on my bench as well. My starting QB is Tom Brady. Dilfer and Orton on the Bench.
At RB I have Priest Holmes and Tiki Barber. WR I got Plaxico Burress and Larry Fitzgerald with Joe Horn in there as well. Indianapolis Defense.
Sitting comfortably in first in my league so far. Only 15 more weeks to go.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dante, Daunte, Donte, Dauntey...who gives a shit? He sucks.
And I have Bledsoe and Orton on the bench.
Submitted by cocaine (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's DaUnte. And yes, it apprears that without Moss, the Vikings are doomed.
I'd pick up Chris Simms if I were you. Brian Griese will no doubt get injured at some point this season. Perhaps grab Philip Rivers. With the way the Chargers are going (0-2), Marty Schottenheimer might look to replace Drew Brees with the young gun.
And how about Carson figgin' Palmer?! I'm happy he's making the Bengals good again. I kind of missed them and their crazy uniforms. Chad Johnson is also amazing...so that helps. But my favorite Bengal: T.J. Houshmandzadeh.
Only because of his name.
I love Football so much.
Submitted by towed88 (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The speed limit in the neighborhood is 25, but just last Friday the buggy informed me that my Jeep was going just a shade under Mach 1."
There is beauty here, I can see it.
The buggy as it has been so eloquently called is like the dude on the side of the road acknowledging your skill and the size of your testicles for performing feats of automotive audacity.
Why is breaking the law so much fun? Am I the only person who has to break the speed limit at every opprotunity just because there is one?
Make it 100 MPH and I'll go 115 it just doesn't matter!
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't stop watching it
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:45:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://ualuealuealeuale.ytmnd.com/
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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!
Luckily I had my sound down here at work.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://ualuealuealeuale.ytmnd.com/
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:41:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Speed buggys are fun. I do the same thing, speeding to see how fast I can....Umm, I mean synchronizing the spedometer im my truck to the reading on the display
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To me, it's a bit like celebrating a McDonald's employee making me a really good Big Mac. Sure, it's nice to have, but I don't really care. Plus the guy works at McDonalds. I mean, how can you celebrate that?
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Hilarious.
We'll see you on November 20.
Colts in Cincy.
I predict....
Colts - 42
bengals - 3
GO HORSE
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for funny american talk.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-19 11:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
browns pull off the win!
woot!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75444