Neurotic Noir: Part 3 (820 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2005-09-19 13:57:31 EDT
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/75075
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/75152
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Okay, here's what I know so far:
--I shot some blind guy in the face, apparently over drugs or money. It's possible that I robbed him, but I don't know for sure.
--I have this big vintage-looking cowboy gun. It's probably worth more than the sum total of the drugs and money I have on me.
--I have this inkling that I'm a completely straight-edge [no drugs/no booze] dude from an upper middle-class neighborhood. And yet I just finished a few lines of coke with this hot goth chick. But I'll get to that in a moment.
--The name on my license is Jetmir Deshiroj. I seem to favor "Jack Desh" as my moniker.
--I'm in love with the aforementioned goth chick, named Lilly, even though she's a prostitute. To be quite honest, although she initially offered sex for cash, she doesn't really seem much like a prostitute at all.
I'm more confused right now than I was before I shot the blind guy.
So here I am. Lying in bed, naked. It's probably just the cocaine, but I feel like I can't close my eyes. Something tells me that this ridiculously hot goth girl straddling me is playing at least a small part in this. As amazing as she looked with her clothes on, she's that much better with those pieces of leather off. Her perky breasts are perfectly shaped. No excessive droopage, either. That naughty angel tattoo sitting on her left pierced nipple is pretty hot too.
Cocaine and sex make an interesting combination.
Her legs are strong as hell. I feel like I'm in a vise. And I like it. Jeeesus, this girl is full of energy. Well, cocaine energy, but she's moving all over the place nonetheless. Hey, I'm not feeling hungry anymore. That's odd...Man, this feels great. I wonder if she realizes she's having sex. Ow, fuck!! She bit me! And...I seemed to enjoy that as well. Lilly's crazy. Crazy hot. I'm worried about her real name, however...
Is our Albanian connection a coincidence?
Her studio apartment is pretty nice, all things considered. By "all things," I mean she doesn't appear to be very wealthy. The decorations are pretty sparse, but I don't think she intentionally aimed at the minimalist angle. Several hand-drawn charcoal sketches are roughly nailed at odd angles around the room. Ohhh, shit that felt good! Her television is directly on the floor, with a very ancient-looking VCR next to it. A modest collection of video cassettes are stacked next to that. There are no DVD's to be found. There is a laptop and a modem over in the corner. Goddamn, her ass is tight!
What am I doing here?
I can see the kitchen area from here, but there's not much to distinguish it from the rest of the apartment. Funny, we're only around the corner from the luxury apartment and high-end restaurant, yet it might as well be the other side of town. The green glow from the "jazz club" that overpowers the street over there is nothing compared to the super-beams of sun-like red emanating from the deli across the street. Sweet Jesus, there I go!! Wow, she's amazing...yikes, she almost broke my nose ramming my face between her legs!
That red light seems familiar...
I couldn't move my head if I wanted to--which I don't. Lilly's legs are strong. Why is that such a turn-on? I have to admit, I've never seen a piercing there up close. It's actually almost intimidating with those angry dragon eye tattoos on her hips staring at me. But I'm not one to complain. There are more pressing matters at hand, in any case. What the hell do I do after this? I'm not tired anymore, but I bet I will be if I try to go exploring my past.
Why the fuck do I have all that money and cocaine?
Those dragon eyes really look menacing in the red light from the deli. Lilly's starting to shake a bit. She's a screamer. Hey, we didn't use a condom! This chick's legs are really strong. Really, really strong. I don't have a change of clothes. I hope the water pressure in her shower's decent. I hope she finishes soon so I can breathe a little. Breathing is a nice thing. Lilly...Jack..."Jack and Lilly?" I've heard that before!
I know this girl...I knew her...
Finally! Hmm...she didn't seem like a cuddler. I didn't realize that was part of the whole goth girl image. Maybe it's not. Maybe she's unique among individuals. This feels completely natural. It feels right. She fits perfectly in my arms. But there's something uneasy about this familiarity. That red light...that fucking red! What is it about that light? She's staring at me. Or my neck...
"Jack?"
Whoa, I've been in wrapped up in my thoughts. I forgot we have vocal chords.
"Yeah, Lil? Uh, I mean Lilly?"
It feels natural to call her "Lil."
"Yeah, um...that tattoo on your neck. I really...do you know why I commented on it?"
She said it was "nice" before. Was that a good "nice" or a bad one?
"I-I don't know. I really didn't know that I had one...or any of the other ones I discovered."
"Umm...did you 'discover' all the tattoos I have?"
Well, I definitely noticed that fairy one. I really love this gorgeous girl.
"Sure, I saw that you have...a few."
"Did you notice the one on my right ankle?"
"Your ankle?"
Her ankle? That was one area I did not focus on. Especially since she didn't take off the fishnet stockings. Hey, she doesn't have a dresser...she just has a duffel bag in the corner that's overflowing with tiny underwear and leather, um, "clothes." Oh, her ankle, let's see...
"Hey, that's a nice...ankle tattoo.."
Her tattoo depicts a dragon swirling around a jewel-encrusted sword. It reminds me of the American Medical Association logo, except that it serves a decidedly opposite purpose. Just like the dragon eyes on her hip, it looks all the more intimidating in the red light from the deli.
"Do you find anything familiar about it?"
As perceptive as I find myself to be, Lilly seems a bit too cryptic for my post-coital mind.
"Not...really..."
"Ohh, Jack!"
Jeez, she seems very weak all of a sudden--unlike her legs--and overcome with emotion. Why is she reaching under the bed? Wow, she really has a beautiful ass. A mirror? That's an odd place for a mirror, under the bed. She doesn't seem to have a lamp, but that infernal red light makes it a moot point.
"Jack, look!"
"Holy lord..."
Oh...I really should have seen this coming. Any normal asshole would have. I really don't know why this is making her so hysterical, though. Maybe it's the coke. Whatever. She seems turned on again, despite her sadness. She really is a goth girl! I'll figure out what the hell this is all about later. I'm turned on again myself. I fit perfectly inside her...
I have a dragon-and-sword tattoo on my neck.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber needs more writing, especially like yours.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:17:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-09-30 05:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-26 16:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I keep meaning to start my own series....
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-09-23 21:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-09-21 23:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is getting very interesting
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-09-20 11:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by highlander (user info) at 2005-09-20 07:16:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep writing, damn it; this is good stuff!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-19 21:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this chapter was excellent. But then again I get criticized for being too "Episodic" in mine. Yeah, the pace slowed a little bit, but you recapped previous events and dove into the characters more. I like character development. I see nothing wrong with this piece and I think it was a well deserved plus two...
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-09-19 17:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, this is pretty open ended. It could probably go further than you think though. Hey, read my recent series and give me some tips if you get the chance. I lost my own steam this morning and just ended the whole thing horribly. Thanks.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-09-19 17:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wildcat: I couldn't agree with you more. It's what I intended, but I see your point. I'll try revealing more things about Jack's past instead of throwing out more mysteries. I think I've set up enough of a web to keep this going. I think.
I dunno, I'll consider anyone's valid critiques.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-09-19 16:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sounds like it could get quite awkward.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-09-19 15:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, so I've read this series several times over now and I think this particular one might show a loss in 'steam' if you will. The first two were good at capturing the reader's attention but for myself, this one seemed to just keep drilling home the idea alreay encapsulated in the first two. It's like you keep pushing the "I don't know who I am or anything about myself" concept too much for my taste. But alas, it's still better than things I've read and written. Also, there was some good imagery.
How's that for a review?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-09-19 15:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm, 1 review and 2 hits. Maybe I should go back to pure toilet humor.
J-Dawg: You seem suspiciously perceptive...
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-09-19 15:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You write as though thoroughly experienced with Albanian prostitutes and cocaine. I expected as much.