Black Scabbity Tran - Chronicles of a Leper, Pt 3. (595 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by inbreakingnewsT.A.N. (View user info) at 2005-09-20 07:10:19 EDT
Pt 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/75385
Pt 2 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/75425
Black Scabbity Tran vs Benny Hinn... and God.
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Black Scabbity Tran sat in an aisle seat and waited patiently as he silently mouthed the words to the hymn. He daren't not sing audibly, fearing the intrusiveness of his voice, but instead revelled in the rich harmonies of the congregation and their pastor, chancing a look to the fellow worshippers on his right, ten or eleven seats away, curiously crammed hard up against the far wall, children sitting on their parents laps, when there were seats to spare. He offered a warm smile in their direction and turned back to his hymn book.
The charismatic and larger than life man on stage held the final note while the congregation's fell away, then hung his head and waited knowingly for the inevitable applause. He looked up and addressed the masses..
"PRAISE GOD!" Again he broke into song, "PPRAAAAAAAAA-AAAIIIIIIIISSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE, GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD-D-D-D....!"
Black Scabbity Tran couldn't help but be caught up in the euphoric fever of the crowded aisles, the lofty emotion transported him off to a place joyous, that relinquished him of pain, and he did not notice the usher who was trying to get his attention.
"Excuse me, sir? You're up.. got your stub?"
Black Scabbity held up his right arm.
"No, not you're 'stump', your 'stub', from the ticket. You have paid, right?"
Black Scabbity Tran made his apologies, produced his ticket, and followed the burly man in the conservative suit with what appeared to be an earpiece of some description, down the aisle. He made his way up onto the stage and waited while the usher whispered quietly to the silver-haired crusader for God.
"Come to me, brother!" Benny Hinn ordered. "WHAT! is your name?"
"Black Scabbity Tran.."
"GOOD GOD, MAN! WHERE ARE YOUR TOES!!!??"
"In my pocket.."
"AND YOUR RIGHT HAND!!?"
"Prolly at the tip by now..."
"Ewwww... do you have JESUS! in your heart?"
"Will it make a difference?"
"Jesus!!" Benny Hinn recoiled from Black Scabbity Tran and raised his hands, fingers splayed. "What ails you, heinous demon!!!!"
"Um, I have leprosy, and I itch all over.."
"NOT YOU!! pitiful lamb of (sings) JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EE-SUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, I am talking to the minion of Beelzebub who resides in your SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLL...!"
"Oh.. okay... AHHHHHH HAVE LEPRO-SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, AND I ITCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ALL O-VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR......." Black Scabbity replied in his best demon's voice.
Benny Hinn took a backward step and hissed..
"Be s-slainnnnnnnnnnnn in the Spirit, dark agent of Hell!" He drew back, arms held high, fingers still splayed, and uttered "God is shaking me..", then threw himself forward and tossed the Holy Spirit like a baseball.
Black Scabbity Tran fell backwards, expecting to be caught by the ushers, just like in rehersal, but instead his head thumped into the stage floor and his tailbone cracked against it's boards.
"ow-ww.."
"FEEL THE PRESENCE OF GOD! FEEL THE ETERNAL LIFE OF JEEEEEEEEEEESUS!!!! FEEL YOUR HEALTH RESTORED AND YOUR SCABS RE-MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! I'm telling you. People will be... people, I'm telling you, I feel the anointing talking here. People are going to be canceling funeral services and bringing their dead in their caskets, placing them - my God! I feel the anointing here, placing them before a television set, waiting for God's power to come through.."
"I still feel itchy.."
"wha'?"
"Actually, I feel awful, my head is pounding and my back is killing me.."
Benny Hinn quickly whispered something to the ushers who promptly removed Black Scabbity from the stage. "Whoa! This is going to be a miracle mountain tonight, good people!!"
Sitting on the curb and waiting for his cab, Black Scabbity looked at the neon sign above the theatre. "BENNY HINN MINISTRIES PRESENT - HEALING CRUSADES BY JEBUS."
He rolled his eyes and put them back in his head.
fin
User Reviews
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-12-21 09:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thought I rated this a long time ago.
Merry Christmas and whatnot, inbreakingnewsT.A.N.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:10:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hah... "where are your toes?"
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-09-10 22:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-07-05 21:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But to be honest, I think you got bored halfway through.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-03 22:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no.. I didn't have to.. but they deserve it. These are fun and well written. except for the gross parts. They're not so fun... just well written.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-26 19:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rolled his eyes and put them back in his head, indeed!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-09-20 09:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by inbreakingnewsT.A.N. (user info) at 2005-09-20 08:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thank you, Barny, thrice is nice.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-20 07:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dappa