I Should Be in Marketing (680 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.62 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <confused_forever.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-09-20 14:10:57 EDT
This is my first post so be fair...or not. Although I wrote this a while ago I figured I'd post it to see what others think of it. I have changed the article a little because I found that used an idea of Maddox's. It was an article I hadn't read before, but, I modified the article to take it out. Lets just say I like his idea on at what tampon commercials should be like. I didn't bother looking for the rant though.
So here it is... why I should be in marketing.
If advertising gets any worse and gets any dumber we just might end up all wearing Old Navy clothing, using our swifter wet jet (the real one not the fake) and lemon pledge. Has anyone seen those commercials or advertisements. I could have made a better commercial trapped in an urinal with a camera, two rolls of duct tape and a 24 of Coronas (for inspiration). I don't even need the product for the commercial to be better than most we see today; that way people don't want to go burn Old Navy down after the commercial. Good old fashion cheap sex appeal is at least not insulting our intelligence "as much".
Now Old Navy has the worst commercial ever. It isn't shown anymore because it was a Christmas commercial. The Old Navy crew starts singing a chant about Old Navy that I can't recall because I wanted to jump off a bridge after the first try to make the chant to go together. I have visions about the Old Navy crew being forced to be in a room together having to watch the commercial over and over again... if they live kudos to them. Right now they have the Old Navy shorts commercial... if I see anyone with them I will die because their advertising is working. I hate Old Navy commercials and because of them I will never buy or wear anything from Old Navy. At most I'll steal a shirt and use it to clean up the mess my dog leaves on the floor. Old Navy sucks. Hit the mute button for me.
I remember only one good Caramilk bar commercial ever. All the rest have sucked. People must really appreciate low brow humor because I don't think they would keep advertising if their sales went down. No one cares how they get the caramel in the Caramilk bar. Now the commercial where it shows the guy thinking about how did they do it is funny. Where the actor goes on a path of destruction. Destruction is always humorous and should be used more often, but, it isn't used.
Tampax (or any other type of similar product) commercials are going to kill me. I have taken preventive measures and always try to mute my TV during commercials and look away when the really bad ones come on. Still I can't always win against corporations and some still slip through. How about this for a commercial? (Maddox's idea http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=douche)
The next example is not a commercial, but a form of advertising that interfered with one of my favourite TV shows. I was watching Smallville (if you don't know it is about Superman as a teenager) seeing Clark and his friend Pete walk into a house. Pete notices it is dusty and says "This place needs some serious lemon pledge". If I ever hear anyone say that in real life I will burn every copy I ever print of this article. Five minutes later guess what commercial I see? Lemon pledge... thank you for ruining my TV show. I'm so glad Pete isn't on the show anymore. Also screw you. Superman is awesome.
The recent Kitkat commercial is horrible. It shows one guy talking to another, being clue less about his girlfriend wanting a change and that he thinks a Kitkat peanut butter is the way to go. The key problem with this commercial is that those guys could never have girlfriends. If they do have girlfriends it is because they are 400 lbs and gained all their weight from eating... you guessed it, Oh Henry bars (fat chicks don't eat KitKats)*. Don't feel sorry for these guys; feel sorry for yourself for having to watch this crap.
It is sad, the best commercials are beer commercials. They know everyone has already had the product, so by making their commercials more funny they will sell more. I don't even mind if they cheapen it with sex appeal. Their commercials are still better than 99% of the ones you see. They bring a small amount of joy into my life and that is more than I ask from any commercial.
I should be in marketing. People would praise me for my ingenuity. I would be the worlds best "marketer" or whatever they are called. The point is I would be the best. I could single handily make TV watching bearable again. I would also buy Old Navy and turn all their stores into pet shops. Given enough time I would be able to make a commercials funny and entertaining, all I need is a day. I might be wrong though. Apparently "crappy" commercials are still on TV. Oh well, if you think I'm wrong come over to my house, so I can beat you with my Swifter Wet Jet. I've gone on too long, there are too many to complain about.
*I have nothing against fat chicks, if you think I do... blow me... unless your fat.
User Reviews
Submitted by theroo (user info) at 2005-09-21 06:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Superman is awesome"
yes
Smallville isn't.
-2
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-09-20 20:31:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Every time a noob tells me it's their first post I give them a -2, no exceptions.
This post deserved it.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-09-20 20:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What Loki said. Welcome to UBER, please dont suck again.
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2005-09-20 19:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I appreciate the feedback. Just so if I write again I can write something that will be appreciated more or atleast won't be as bad. I edited this in a hurry so it didn't look plagarized. Only reason I mentioned maddox though was because his idea was exactly like mine. I'll try writing something more orginal next time.
I love a lot of articles on this site, only wish to make people laugh like they did for me.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-20 18:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This didn't entirely suck. It wasn't that good, mind you, but I found it to be +1 quality.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-09-20 16:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Want me to help you out here?
let's see
First of all, you shouldn't mention that it is your first post. Nobody likes that, but than again it's not like you can really make that mistake more than once.
Any mention of Maddox is usually an automatic negative rating. Nothing against Maddox there, it's just well no reason really, it's just been done to death.
Then you fall into the literary abyss of saying that you wrote this for some other purpose. Here again, much like the Maddox thing there is no good reason for it, but that irritates the masses.
That's all I can really think of, this is a snarly group sometimes, best not to have a thin skin about things.
Submitted by clit_commander (user info) at 2005-09-20 16:26:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Uh, that just sucked. It was like the homely girl: She's not hot, she's not gross, she's just there. Way to be mediocre.
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2005-09-20 15:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Where did you go wrong?
As someone else pointed out, by pressing the "submit" button.
But seriously folks, I kid.
There was potential here. There were a few jokes that could have been. My best explanation of why this sucked is that you are just trying too hard. It didn't feel natural, spontaneous or at all off the cuff. It reads like you HAD natural, spontaneous and off the cuff jokes once, and then you took your sweet assed time cleaning up and rewriting the post. In doing so, I think you took all the soul out of the post.
Which sucks. For all of us.
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:43:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a strange urge to clean my house then relax with a beer and candy bars.
Damn, you are good.
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well... sorry.
*looks for lemon pledge to swallow*
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a strange urge to clean my house then relax with a beer and candy bars.
Damn, you are good.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:38:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:31:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmm... I'm guessing I not so good. Hopefully my next post people like more?
WHERE DID I GO WRONG? My Writer's Craft class loved this?!
...neh
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They are all obviously gay.
Where did you go wrong??
When you pressed the button marked "Submit" I think...
Welcome to Uber, feel freee to go kill yourself!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. Get a dictionary and a thesaurus.
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmm... I'm guessing I not so good. Hopefully my next post people like more?
WHERE DID I GO WRONG? My Writer's Craft class loved this?!
...neh
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:31:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See now, I AM in marketing. Advertising copywriting to be more specific.
You? You shouldn't be.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
vapid
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is running out the door to Old Navy as we speak
I'd like to see you kill yourself
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The fat chicks just called... they want their twinkies back.
WHAT?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who is this Maddox you keep talking about?