Christmas in September (521 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Goose <goosehkr at hotmail dot com> (View user info) at 2005-09-21 09:53:54 EDT
Monday night I was on my way to my buddy Mike's house to watch the football game. As a Steelers fan, I was actually hoping that both the Redskins and the Cowboys would lose, if that was possible, but I had had a long day of practice and was looking forward to kicking back, sitting on the couch, and having a couple of beers. On my way out to his place, I stopped by the local Giant grocery store (for those of you not in the mid-Atlantic region, "Giant" is a noun, not an adjective) to pick up some corn chips and queso sauce.
I'm not too familiar with this particular grocery store, so I wasn't positive where the chips and salsa were to be found, so I started walking across and reading the little boards that hang over all the aisles. I scanned down the row of signs, and saw one for "chips". Had I just stopped there, my world would still be intact, but no; I read one more sign down.
Except there was no sign. Instead of the reassuring "Beer; Wine; Flavored Drinks" sign that should have been hanging, there was a giant inflatable snow globe, six feet in diameter, with a Santa Claus and a reindeer inside. Fake snow was being blown in the top, and it created a delightful winter scene. Much like seeing the first robin of spring or the first snowfall of winter, I had seen the first corporate non-offensive non-denominational (providing you're a Christian) Christmas decoration of the fall. Then I realized what month it was.
It's fucking September! There shouldn't be Christmas decorations up in September. It's more than three months away from the actual holiday! We haven't even had the goddamned autumnal equinox yet. As a side note, the Halloween decorations were up too, and it's very odd to look back and forth between "Christmas snow globe" and "giant spider-covered skeletons".
It had to be a fluke. I had to be standing in a store that just had a very confused manager, who believed it appropriate to place Christmas decorations up in September. Hell, I live in a diverse area of the country; maybe he was Muslim, I don't know. But it had to just be this store, right?
This was the kind of situation where you simply have to share the pain of the moment (like my bumper sticker story from the other day), so I started calling friends and filling them in on the fact that I had personally witnessed the second sign of the apocalypse. They were sufficiently mortified until I called Steve. He said the words that would chill the blood in my veins.
"Oh, yeah, I saw that a couple of days ago at the Giant in Burke."
It had happened at another store! It wasn't just a weird screw up at the one location I had visited. I had to confirm, so I asked friends around this area to head to the Giants in their towns to check on something for me. My worst fears were confirmed: the snow globes are corporate goddamned policy.
That means that there had to be meeting, and memos, and possibly even power lunches to determine when would be the right time to set up the Christmas decorations in the stores. Upwards of ten people, hopefully all with degrees from accredited institutions of higher learning and with six figure incomes, put their combined brainpower towards a common goal, and they managed to come up with fucking September! This is the best we can do? The group agreed that "Yeah, September, that would really boost the holiday feeling in our stores. I like the idea, Biff (or, whoever. I just like imagining a Biff).
Fucking September.
I fear for America.
User Reviews
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2005-09-21 13:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just saw 2 different kinds at the Wal-Mart here in CT
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-09-21 11:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know - I'm not sure I'll be able to go to Giant anymore.
This might be a silly question, but I've only ever heard of one place that has both a Giant and a Food Lion - you don't live in Loudoun County, do you?
Submitted by hostileapostle (user info) at 2005-09-21 10:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...I just went to a Giant over the weekend and saw Christmas decorations on the windows...I turned around and went to Food Lion. More than anything I'm pissed that they're taking time and effort away from Halloween, the best holiday ever. Christmas sucks.
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-09-21 10:22:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw one of those in a Stop & Shop (the local supermarket chain here) and thought the same thing.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-09-21 10:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I fucking hate Christmas.