All I can say is; that must have been one hell of a blow job! (2382 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorLabels: healthcare_tales
Rating: 1.85 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Forensic (View user info) at 2005-09-22 06:22:34 EDT
Here is another slice of hospital life that is 100% true and accurate. I suppose that from now on, if I write about an occurrence that happened at my hospital, you can be assured that it is pure non-fiction. Take it from me, hospital folk are strange and their antics need no embellishing.
As with any place of employment, gossip mills tend to be a fixture and a source of amusement, information, and titillation. I have worked in areas other than healthcare and I must say that it seems that hospital/healthcare facilities tend to be a little worse about gossip and rumors. It is not out of the norm to know what so-and-so did after only being clocked in for 10 minutes. Such was the case when I arrived at work on Saturday.
I didn't want to go into work because I felt like crap from an allergy induced sinus infection. The over the counter medication ensured that I would be able to breathe but my histamines were kicking my ass. I just wanted to stay in bed. Calling in wasn't an option since people have a tendency to not pick their phones up on the weekend. Oh well, I thought, I can make it. Drugs, hot tea, and a contraband pillow will get me through it.
I arrived at work and was logging in to my computer when Melvin, the evening shift Environmental Services supervisor popped into the lab. I was in the middle of a sneeze when he landed at my desk.
Me: *tissue over nose* <honk!> What's up Mel?
Mel: Hey girl, you know so-and-so and such-and-such from the cafeteria?
Me: Yeah, I think so. Isn't she the one who's got that neck tattoo? I'm not sure if I know him though. Why?
Mel: You ain't gonna believe it, but both they asses got fired today!
Me: No shit?! Why?
Mel: Coz so-and-so was sucking such-and-such's dick out in the parking lot.
Me: Bullshit!
Mel: Girl, have I EVER lied to you 'bout ANY of the shit that goes on 'round here?
He had a point. Melvin always had the best scoop and he was always accurate about his information. The fact that he was worse than a teenage girl when it came to gossiping, guaranteed that he knew everybody's business at any given time. Melvin proceeded to tell me that so-and-so, a gal from the wrong side of the tracks, and such-and-such, a married man, had been having an affair for several months. I would hesitate even calling it an affair since their "relationship" was limited to on-the-job quickies down in the basement during breaks and lunchtimes. Apparently, it had been going on for some time.
I guess Melvin thought the look on my face suggested that I still doubted him because he insisted that I follow him to security's office. Since nothing urgent was going on in the lab, I shrugged, grabbed some tissues, and followed Melvin. I figured Melvin just wanted one of the security guys to back him up and reiterate that so-and-so and such-and-such were indeed fired for performing oral sex out in the parking lot during a break.
Charging into security's office as if he was on a mission from God, Melvin nodded at the security officer at the monitoring station.
"Show her, Mike!"
With a slightly embarrassed demeanor, Mike pointed to a monitor and hit a button.
"Go take a look, Girl!" Melvin insisted, gesturing sharply to the evidence.
Sniffling with a tissue over my nose, I squinted at the monitor's screen. There, centered in the middle of the screen, was a black-and-white image of a car. At first nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but then my eye detected movement from the backseat. Stooping down and squinting harder, I saw the unmistakable image of a head bobbing up and down. What had happened was Mike who was monitoring the parking lot via all the security cameras had seen this and assumed it was just some random people killing time while visiting someone in the hospital. He radioed to one of the other security guys to go chase them off. When the security officer arrived, he discovered two of our own engaged in unauthorized break time activities. Since the Director of Shift Operations (i.e. an Administration type) carries a radio receiver tuned to security's frequency, the security guys had to report it. Mike told me that if it were up to them, they would just advised them to knock it off.
<honk! sniff> "What a couple of idiots!" I said as I watched the scene unfold as the security guy knocked on the window followed by the Director of Shift Operations. The two lovebirds exited the car and stood as the DSO fired them and instructed them to collect their things and leave the property.
"Everyone knows there are cameras all over the place!" I declared.
"Uh huh! See?! Told you!" Melvin said with his arms crossed and looking like a vindicated man.
I explained to Melvin that I didn't so much doubt him, I just couldn't believe that anybody would risk their job (and in the guy's case, his marriage too) to blow and get blown on the job.
Actually, I love my job. It has taught me more valuable lessons than any course I could take. For instance, every time I doubt an instance of outlandish behavior, I'm reminded again and again (from my fellow hospital employees) that given the proper motivation and circumstances, people will do it.
This is one of the most expensive blow jobs I've certainly ever heard of. I mean, if you're going to do something that has the potential to get you fired, you might as well go all the way with it.
They should have just fucked each other.
User Reviews
Submitted by malbin (user info) at 2005-11-04 19:12:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
DIE
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 04:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid four pages of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-09-30 12:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this gem?
What idiots!
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-09-30 12:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-09-24 06:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haah blimey
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-09-23 18:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
some people don't realize that a silly little BJ isn't worth a decent job...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-22 19:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-09-22 15:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey, how's our ol' pal jimthefiend doiing??
-------------------
He's fine. He got banned but said it was just as well because he's working a lot. I guess he's handling a whole bunch of new camgirls in addition to his regular ones, so he says he's putting in like 16 hour days.
He went to a party and hung out with John Mellenkamp. Photographic proof too. He wanted me to post it at the end of one of my posts but then said not to do it because everyone would -2 me.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-22 14:14:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's my Bonnie!
Good to see you back!
hey, how's our ol' pal jimthefiend doiing??
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-09-22 13:51:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-09-22 11:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by miss_tila (user info) at 2005-09-22 10:48:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
I only wish my job was that intersting or that I had a co-worker
good looking enough to give a parking lot blow job.
--------------------------
Come visit me
Submitted by miss_tila (user info) at 2005-09-22 10:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only wish my job was that intersting or that I had a co-worker
good looking enough to give a parking lot blow job.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-09-22 10:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why not do it at work?
That's why it's called a blowJOB, after all
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
titillation = auto +2
I'm very immature and that word makes me giggle.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm, hot tea...
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drugs, hot tea, and a contraband pillow will get me through it.
------
good for what ails ya
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Working in Healthcare has produced some very funny stories...this was a good one
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm always down for "on the job fellatio"
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-09-22 08:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good God...how can people be so stupid?
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-09-22 08:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm nominating this for B@W.
Very funny post, truth always seems to be the funniest
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-09-22 08:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shamone!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-22 08:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People do some strange shit at work.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-09-22 08:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeepers, this was swell to the point of being dandy!
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-09-22 08:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant wait to see our underwear agitated in the same washing machine. You rock girl.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:28:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope Melvin is black.
_______
I hope he's also gay.
(non-streak-breaking +2)
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The hospital is indeed the setting for the weirdest shit ever.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, they should have.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing to see here folks, it's just people having sex... Oh wait, people having sex? C'mon everyone, look at this.... Crowd around, crowd around.... :)
--
Chief Wiggum! The Simpsons! Except it was flaming wreckage and not sex!
AM I RIGHT? And a big nerd?
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They should have just fucked each other.
---
They both got fired....so...didn't they, in a sense?
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While well written, this sort of stuff goes on everywhere. Trust me. I have yet to have a job where I don't score some on-site nookie at one point or another. Working long hours in shift work (such as a hospital) only increases the frequency at which it occurs.
Nothing to see here folks, it's just people having sex... Oh wait, people having sex? C'mon everyone, look at this.... Crowd around, crowd around.... :)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Melvin is camper than Keith Richards. It must be wonderful to have a labour market so plentiful you can fire people for sucking each other off on their break.
They'd have just gotten a stern dressing down (!) and a warning if it had been my decision.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Melvin is indeed black, Mr. Pirate.
Donovan, the same shit is going on right now at your local hospital. Count on it!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:28:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope Melvin is black.
--
Hahaha. I think the story made it pretty obvious. He's blacker than the dark side of the moon.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope Melvin is black.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to come down with some horrible dabilitating disease so I can come live in your hospital for a while....
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It BETTER have been one hell of a blow job...
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-09-22 06:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking is always the way to go.