I'm not Mean...I Just Lack in the 'People Skills' Department (854 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.83 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ducky (View user info) at 2005-09-22 07:02:49 EDT
If you are drunk, naked, dripping wet, I don't know you and am trying to remove you from the premises, please don't think for one second that I need a hug. I won't appreciate it.
So, I'm walking by the switchboard office, and notice movement on the cameras. As I zoom in on the pool area I notice that 3 guys have decided sneak in and have a naked sausage party in one of the hot tubs. Usually this wouldn't be my problem. Usually we have other staff on shift I can command about, but not tonight.
Sigh.
Off I trundle (um, yes...trundle) to the pool area, and by the noises I'm hearing I know I'll be dealing with drunks. In some ways this sucks (like the guy who decided to piss all over himself in one of the stairwells a few weeks back), but in other ways it is absolute magic. You just have to know how to deal, and silly drunk people will believe anything. I pull my little emergency flashlight out of my pocket (we have lots of power outages here, and yes I'm paranoid), and holding it like a remote, point it at the fence.
"RIGHT THEN BOYS, PARTIES OVER. YOU'VE GOT 15 SECONDS TO GET YOUR ASSES OVER THAT FENCE BEFORE I SEND CURRENT TO IT...BEST HURRY- YOU'RE ALL WET AND THAT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR YOU IF YOU GET ZAPPED".
"Really?"
"WANT TO TEST IT?"
"No."
"RIGHT THEN, ...13, 12, 11...."
They thrash their way out of the hot tub, and 2 of the 3 run towards the fence. The 3rd (and obviously weakest link) stands there looking at me, and then starts to blubber on about 'thank-you for letting me off so easily'. As he's talking, he's stumbling towards me and trying to give me a hug. I recoil in a mixture of fear and disgust, but try to remain composed.
Composure....composure...comp...c...oh fuck composure.
"Get the fuck away from me before I break my foot off in your ass".
*Right, so there may have been a touch of unabridged hostility in my voice...just a touch...but other than that, I was completely composed*
"Sorry".
Sigh. "Just go".
He turns towards the fence, makes it a couple of steps, and falls on his face. Then I hear something....something that sounds like crying. He is crying.
"Are you okay?"
"Y-y-y-yes, I don't want to get electrocuted" he sobs, floundering on the ground.
Good. Fucking. Grief.
I go inside, grab a towel to throw over him, and hoist him to his feet. Then I grab the stack of clothing that he and his friends had forgotten about and help him out the front door. He turns to me and tries to give back the towel.
"Um...you keep it".
"Really?" he snivels.
"Really".
I give him the armload of clothing and direct him out the door. He stops a few feet ahead, dresses, throws his friends' clothes into the garbage, and stumbles away.
It's REALLY cold tonight.
User Reviews
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-07 04:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deserves better rating.
+2
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-04-07 04:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, I missed this one.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-10-03 23:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have an uber crush on you Ducky.
Email me please, i miss hearing from you!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-30 11:35:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-09-30 11:29:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:11:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
You made a drunk person cry, isn't that some sort of sin?
-----------------------------------
The best kind.
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You're evil. I bet you throw rocks at kittens, campaign for single parents to be seperated from their children and abuse the feelings of emotionally insecure men.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-09-30 11:29:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:11:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
You made a drunk person cry, isn't that some sort of sin?
-----------------------------------
The best kind.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-09-30 11:06:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-09-22 18:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-22 18:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NICE
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-09-22 14:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by papaya_princess (user info) at 2005-09-22 12:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-09-22 12:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People skills are overrated.
Submitted by Neener (user info) at 2005-09-22 12:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe you should have pointed and laughed while you were at it.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-09-22 11:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, I feel sorry for this fucker. I can't stand seeing a grown man cry!
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-09-22 11:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nice one
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like he wanted tyou to ask him out. Needed more blood.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sausage party? I hope you had the pool cleaned.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny!
Submitted by inbreakingnewsT.A.N. (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"RIGHT THEN BOYS, PARTIES OVER. YOU'VE GOT 15 SECONDS TO GET YOUR ASSES OVER THAT FENCE BEFORE I SEND CURRENT TO IT...BEST HURRY- YOU'RE ALL WET AND THAT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR YOU IF YOU GET ZAPPED".
"Really?"
"WANT TO TEST IT?"
"No."
"RIGHT THEN, ...13, 12, 11...."
hil-fucking-larious.
Submitted by inbreakingnewsT.A.N. (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If i wasn't a girl, I'd do you.
Very. Fucking. Funny.
Good. Fucking. Grief.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-22 09:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-09-22 08:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How old was this guy?
Submitted by miss_tila (user info) at 2005-09-22 08:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-22 08:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha! should have beaten him like a ginger stepchild.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha!
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it might be...I didn't mean to though I swear!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You made a drunk person cry, isn't that some sort of sin?
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-09-22 07:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOW you're a hardcore tough Ducky. Good work that lady!