An Open Letter To The Stinky Fucker Who Shops At My Shop (581 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.38 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hooch (View user info) at 2005-09-22 22:35:12 EDT
Ok this is my first post and I'm jumping on the open letter bandwagon. I was gonna make it NSFW but since I'm at work it wouldn't be the best idea.
An open letter to the big stinky fucker with stupid glasses and big eyes and fish lips and a motorbike helmet who comes every month to buy a $20 Vodafone card and does a stupid gay laugh after every sentence he says.
Dear Big stinky fucker with stupid glasses and big eyes and fish lips and a motorbike helmet who comes every month to buy a $20 Vodafone card and does a stupid gay laugh after every sentence you say,
This morning you did, again, come in as you regularly do to buy a $20 recharge and bore the shit out of me with your mindless dribble. You still haven't figured out that when I look at the computer screen while you're talking and nod my head every 5 seconds that I don't give an ounce of monkey piss what you're talking about. That and after 5 minutes in my shop I have to spray it clean with Air Wick because of your horrendous BO. Even 5 minutes after your B leaves the O is still thick and strong in presence if I don't spray the room.
All that being said, according to your bullshit session this morning you think I care about your choice of subject matter, I don't. So I would like to make it clear.
I do not care that you have fever. When you came in coughing I was hoping you contracted AIDS and was dying of a cold. But thanks to your sermon I am now aware that it's because of a great big gum tree outside your van (yes I did pick up the fact that you said van and not house) that flowers with yellow flowers every spring. And that even though it is very good for shade, it's bad for your hay fever.
I do not care that you hit your thumb with a hammer whilst trying to straighten a piece of steel. Firstly, how can you hit your thumb when trying to straighten a large strip of steel. And secondly, why the fuck were you trying to straighten steel by hitting it with a hammer!
I do not care that your phone is still working after about 3 years, nor do I care that you are still trying to find an old Nokia phone that can be used as a modem, or that you have a list at home of all the old ones that will do what you want them to. I also have a total lack of care for the fact that you now use your Vodafone more than your Telstra because it's cheaper.
I do not care that you have just come from the chemist to get medication for your hay fever. And I also do not care that while there, you got them to put a bandage on your thumb. I can see you have a bandage on myself as I have fucken eyes. 4 of them to be precise. I don't know what made you think that I would be the slightest bit interested on who put the bandage on for you, because the list of things I care less about than your stupid thumb is very small.
I do not care that the lady at the chemist said you were looking a bit down and then gave you a free little bowl. It was most probably a bowl they used for Ratsak. Here's hoping. I also don't care that she said it'd cheer you up if you filled it up with lollies, or that you said it definitely would if you filled it with lollies. It'd cheer me up if you filled it with Kool Aid.
I do not care about your finger for the second time. I do not care that it hurt your finger riding into town on your motorbike, if it hurt so bloody much then don't do it asshole. And I do not care that you are going to home and sit on your arse and watch TV all day "To rest your finger." I also find it hard to believe that if any of your friends ring you and asks you to go to their place that you will decline. Firstly, you are so starved for someone to talk to that you actually have nothing better to do than talk to me. Secondly, no one is going to ring you and ask for your presence. Thirdly, you don't have any friends!
I hope that next time you decide to come in and buy your $20 and waste 5 minutes of my life that you remember this letter and keep the shit talking to a minimum. Or better yet, just shut up altogether. Or best yet, don't even come. A $20 recharge that we make $1 profit on is not a big loss.
Sincerely,
Shane
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-09-23 17:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate stinky bastards.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-23 15:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-23 04:56:18 (#)
Ranking: 1
be nice to the poor fucker he is clearly lonely.
That way he might go a bit easy on you when he one day chloroforms you, drags you back to the "van" and uses your ass like a human cumsock for the next six years whilst eating your fingers and earlobes.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-09-23 05:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't care either.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-23 04:56:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
be nice to the poor fucker he is clearly lonely.
That way he might go a bit easy on you when he one day chloroforms you, drags you back to the "van" and uses your ass like a human cumsock for the next six years whilst eating your fingers and earlobes.
Submitted by pharmgirl147 (user info) at 2005-09-23 02:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm giving you a +2 because I understand what you're talking about. I work at a pharmacy during summers as an intern and I always get stuck with having to deal with the "smelly ones". I finally went and took a can of air freshener and febreeze out of stock to keep under the counter to use after each of these customers. I eventually ended up giving them nicknames based on their real names and modifications that described their stench, for example Smelly Stenchovitch. I had to breathe through my mouth so I didn't get the "taste" of their gag inducing reek embedded in my senses.
Anyhow. I feel for you :)
Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2005-09-23 01:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry man, I'll try to wear deoderant next time.
I assumed youd know that the only way to straighten a small piece of steel is with a hammer. What, are you daft?
Submitted by kadunkadunk (user info) at 2005-09-22 22:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Unzip your crankypants and give him something to complain about.
Wake up! Retail blows! Unless you are witty and scathing with comebacks, then it's a whole new kind of fun. And then you can bet he'll go someplace else and steal future post topics.
Good open letter, but it would-a been better if you blew your cool and let him have it. That's called a .climax. Mm hmm.
-1 for "first post" mention
+2 for readable first post.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-09-22 22:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Hooch, read this shit for a minute...
An open letter to the big stinky fucker with stupid glasses and big eyes and fish lips and a motorbike helmet who comes every month to buy a $20 Vodafone card and does a stupid gay laugh after every sentence he says.
Dear Big stinky fucker with stupid glasses and big eyes and fish lips and a motorbike helmet who comes every month to buy a $20 Vodafone card and does a stupid gay laugh after every sentence you say,
Do you see the problem, this is how your post started. I never made it passed this. I'm sure others will do the same. Work on the intro bro