Neurotic Noir: Part 5 (2196 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2005-09-22 23:41:20 EDT
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/75075
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/75152
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/75460
Part 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/75602
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Diplopia. Amnesia. Head up my ass.
One of those is the only true affliction from which I've been suffering.
Aleksander and Justina Deshiroj--the parents of Jack Desh, alleged leader of the Shpatë Dragua. I think I preferred being blissfully ignorant...no, I take that back. Ignorance is bliss only if you feel like making a home for yourself in the first layer of Hell. That's boring. This is better for me. I deserve to feel this pain. It's my fault they're dead, after all.
It's my fault. I'm not sure why yet.
Your average rapper will profess how the loved one he's lost are looking down on him from Heaven. Bullshit. All they're looking at is your crotch from under six feet of dirt, rocks and bugs. And that's only if you bother paying your respects. But those neanderthals do make a point, even if they're too stupid to realize what it is.
I dislike rappers. I'm pretty sure I know why.
Although the dead may or may not exist in some supernatural form--I still don't know what to think on that matter--their memories live on that much stronger. The memories HAVE to live on. It's the only part of our loved ones we have to hold on to after they've been brutally murdered.
My parents. The deli. Fucking rappers. They're all swirling around in my mind in a bitter cocktail of blissful and melancholy memories. Time to drink up...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Jetmir! Jetmiiir! Get inside, you have homework to finish!"
"Jesus, mom! Can't I finish my goddamn game first?"
"Mind your mouth, you! You finish your game after you finish your homework!"
"Whatevah. Yo, I'll holla atch'all later."
"Jetmir, what is this 'hollering' you always speak of with your negro friends? Do you have a telephone in your room or not?"
"It's 'holla,' Mom, 'holla.' Not 'holler.' And can you call me Jack when I'm with my friends? Jetmir's so--"
"It's your name! You spurn your language, your heritage! You will not spurn your name! Your father and I will call you by your given name as long as we live."
--
She was right. "Jetmir" is what they called out as I held them while they bled to death years after this memory. They're the only people I allowed to address me by my real name. They were the only ones worthy of it.
--
"Jetmir, there's a girl at the door for you!"
"Oh, shit! Lilly's here already?"
"Mind your tongue in my house, young man! Who is she, anyway?"
"Ugh, Dad, I don't have time to go over this now."
"You will not go outside this house with strange girls!"
"She's not strange! I told you and Mom about her before, remember? 'Luljeta?' "
"Ohhh, yes! That nice half-Albanian girl! Of course! She gets all her best features from her mother, you know."
"Uh, yeah Dad, I know."
"Beautiful blonde hair, fair skin...you know, I have been worried lately that your dark friends would have an influence...well, this is America, after all."
"What, you've been worried I'd dip in the chocolate bowl?"
"Ah, well. I suppose that is how you children view it nowadays. I am just happy this girl is at least half-perfect, heh heh."
"Dad, it's like I told Mom, I'm gonna go out with whoever I want. It's just a lucky coincidence that Lilly's mom is, ahem, 'perfect.' "
"Consider yourself fortunate, Jetmir, that her father is American. If Luljeta were my daughter, there would be no 'going out.' Only marriage. Go on, she is waiting."
--
I remember my dad winked and smiled as he said that. But he was probably at least half-serious. I remember he gave me a big hug before I went to meet LiL. I could tell he was relieved Lil wasn't black. Whether or not it's in our blood, I don't know. I think he was Americanized and liberal enough by that point to have accepted whomever I brought home. Well, maybe not accept. Tolerate. As long as I was happy. I was relieved myself. Lil was always so beautiful. She must have waited 5 minutes in the living room that day while I got dressed and gelled my hair. She always waited for me...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Jack?"
"Wha--oh, hey. Sorry, Lil. I was just...I was remembering some stuff."
"I can imagine. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not yet. I mean, I can't really talk about it yet...I still can't remember all the details. It's like I unlocked the door to the room where all the secrets are, but there's a giant safe hiding all the major ones."
"I know how you feel. I have all these jigsaw puzzle pieces in my mind forming a picture, but the most important ones are missing."
It's just like Lil to one-up me in the metaphor department.
"Well, Lil, have you found the 'puzzle piece' that shows how we met?"
"Hee hee, yeah. You were playing basketball with your friends at the time and you almost broke your neck looking around to catch a glimpse of me."
"How could I be discreet when you had on that blue tubetop!?"
"And then you tried to impress me by trying to dunk over 'Fat Willy.'"
"Oh, jeez..."
"And you totally clanked the ball on the outside of the rim and you fell right on your ass, ha ha haaa.."
"Hey, that bruise stuck around for like three months!"
"But you really won me over when you came to my house and sat down with my parents and explained why they should let me date you at 'such a young age.' "
"Yeah, I was pretty good."
I was.
"But I don't remember how or why or when we got separated..."
"Me neither, Lil..."
"And I fucking had blonde hair back then! SO not my style!"
"I suppose not. I always thought you were beautiful, though."
She's blushing. That's odd, seeing color in her face. The red contrasts starkly with her black hair and clothes and her pale skin. It reminds me of the deli's neon sign. It reminds me of better times.
"Actually, what really, REALLY won me over was when you introduced me to your parents after our first date."
"I was showing you off."
"You were making them proud. You struggled through Albanian phrases with your American accent, just to show them how much you liked me--and your heritage."
"I guess..."
Yeah, I DID act a little weird. I think I was just a little giddy having gone out on a date with such a beautiful girl. I wish I could remember more.
"Your parents were really proud of you, ya know."
"Why, because I brought home a nice Albanian girl?"
"No, I mean in general. They were proud of how smart you are, how popular you...were."
"Yeah. I was the only thing they cared about more than the deli. They worked really hard when I was little to be able to buy that place. They worked harder to make sure I turned out halfway decent."
"I hate to be cliché, Jack, but I have a feeling it really wasn't your fault."
"Me too."
It doesn't make me feel any better. I miss my parents, and that drives me. It fills me with a blind fury that make me capable of--well, it makes me feel good about putting a bullet through some guy's head in a dark alley.
A kiss for Mom's tombstone.
A kiss for Dad's tombstone.
Lil feels perfect in my arms right now. I hope she's not all I have to live for, because it seems no one around me is safe. Safe...
I have to crack that safe.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Intriguing. I'm glad I just get to read these through retro-actively, otherwise waiting for you to post a new one would bug the hell out of me.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-09-30 06:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-26 17:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tha's a pretty hot goth girl you gots there.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-09-23 21:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-09-23 09:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The plot THICKENS.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-09-23 08:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-09-23 08:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Benny, you have some good questions and I have some tidbits:
--Jack's parents bought the deli some time before he was a preteen. In the 9-to-11-years-old range.
--The current employees of the deli are definitely not the same ones that were there when Jack's parents were alive...
--The current employees are not necessarily strangers...
--There is some correlation between Vin, rappers and Jack's early 'wigger' behavior...
That's about all I can give out without spoiling the coming episodes.
P.S. If anyone spots any other potential inconsistencies, keep me posted. There are only so many details I can remember when I'm at work.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-23 05:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-23 00:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I eagerly wait for the next one. You're tossing out some good shit here!
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-09-23 00:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sir have a real talent for writing fiction. This series just keeps getting better and better.
I'm curious as to whether Jack owns the deli or if it was sold by his parents before they died. Why did he get dirty looks from the employees there if they don't know who he is? I can wait for the answers if they are coming.