A Letter to the Chicago Bears..... (2065 hits)
Category: SportsLabels: sports
Rating: 1.41 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-09-25 23:11:02 EDT
Dearest Chicago Bears,
Well, today's game is over. In fact, it has been for some time, but I just got done celebrating our win. We, the Cinci-fucking-nati Bengals are 3-0, and you are 1-2. WOO! 24-7. A beat down. A solid ass-kicking in your own house. If you had a dog, we would have kicked it, that's how much we owned you today.
I have to admit, I didn't know how I would react to this....homecoming, of sorts. After all, you took a chance on me once, and it's because of you and your faith that I'm in the NFL, and for that I owe you. But last spring you wronged me and now my new team has my back. "This one's for Craig," they told me, and it was. Was it ever.
Am I sad that I don't get the play anymore? Hell no. Every week I stand on the sidelines, wear a really cool hat, listen to Carson and Marvin talk and collect a ridiculous amount of cash for doing very very little. Life is good.
And what's up with the guy you brought in to replace me? You got rid of me for THAT guy? Pfft. You might want to make sure Kyle Orton isn't really a retarded kid masquerading as a football player. I never once threw five picks in a game. Not in high school. Not at Ohio State. Not in the NFL. Plus I'm smart. I was a Molecular Genetics Major.
Perhaps you should have kept me on the roster, eh? After all, I'm the only quarterback who has had a winning record for you since Shane Matthews. Oh well, your loss. Have a nice time going 5-11 with Kyle "Duuuur" Orton.
Sincerely,
Craig Krenzel
PS: Chad Hutchinson sends his love.
User Reviews
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-30 16:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FYI:
Spooner, registered and made his first post on December 9, 2003. Yet, the post Spooner claims brought him to Uber was posted on January 23, 2004. Link: http://www.ubersite.com/m/23879
If you scroll to the bottom, you'll see that squattail starts up wth 5 -2s from the get go. An hour later, Spooner reviews the post:
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Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-23 20:03:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. SLightly more awesome than strippers with tacos.
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An hour after that, Spooner reviewed it two more times. I didn't ask for that. I did tell him that squattail was -2ing the shit out of me, but Spooner posted the +2s himself.
Then squattail started -2-ing nonstop to the tune of 20-something straight.
At that point, I asked Spooner to help me out (we were on AIM at the time) and he did. But again, that post is not what brought him to the site.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-29 09:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww, you're a vindictive little shit, huh?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-09-28 20:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-27 16:03:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
MoFo, the shit I write is nearly ALWAYS made up.
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This includes "Blink 182" and "Real EMails," people.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-09-28 12:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bring back Jim Miller.
PS. Or Bobby Douglass.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-27 16:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MoFo, the shit I write is nearly ALWAYS made up. You know that. And I gave you a -2 because you deserved it for being a little butt plug.
And sports is the only thing I'm interested in writing about anymore, so either get over it or eat it. I don't care which you choose.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-09-27 15:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh calm down, buddy. Seriously. Ease up. You take sports and Ubersite way too goddamned seriously. You've always been known to give retaliatory -2's and taking your rating very seriously.
Don't forget the only reason I'm on Ubersite to begin with is because you wanted me to +2 all of squattail's -2's away. I think I still remember the conversation.
"Sign up here <link>."
"Why?"
"This guy keeps giving me -2's and I want you to +2 them."
"Ok..."
"Thanks!"
Seriously now. Calm the hell down. Write about something that isn't either sports or bullshit you made up.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-09-27 09:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU RAT BASTARD ASSHOLE FROM OUTER SPACE
IMO KEEL U
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-27 08:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All of this coming frm the guy who used to talk up PSU/the Pirates/the Penguins/etc....
You're a fucking hypocrite, Spencer. Just because you discovered your homosexuality so early doesn't mean you have to turn into a flower-sniffing pusssy and yell at people who like sports and enjoy talking about it.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-09-26 16:36:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2005-09-26 05:59:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
To make up for Spooner's rating; don't mind him, he just has his panties up in a bunch after watching his Steelers eat Tom Brady's shit.
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Nonono, it's not that, I'm just growing to absolutely fucking hate sports fans. All of them. I mean I can watch sports, I can discuss sports, but I can't for the life of me even understand how someone can be pissed at other teams or players, or gain "revenge" on them, when it's all FUCKING MEANINGLESS anyway. It's revelation most sports fans try to ignore, that if youre sports team wins, if your sports team loses, it does not mean SHIT in any way at all. There's no reason to talk it up. There's no reason to lament. Because it's All. Fucking. Pointless.
Anyone who derives more than a small amount of happiness from sports, anyone who feels more than a small amount of pain from sports is a goddamned moron. And THAT'S why I can't stand to read your articles anymore Tom, because you want to be Bill Simmons, and Bill Simmons may as well be the epitome of all this overinvested bullshit I hate about 90% of sports fans.
I feel like saying something I don't say often, and that is "get a fucking life. Seriously. All of you."
I've said it before, i'll say it again. I love sports. I hate sports fans.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-09-26 13:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Creative, but there's still nobody here in Chicago who misses Krenzel. Actually, I bet half of Bears fans don't even know he's on the Bungals (or at least didn't know before the game).
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-09-26 08:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-26 08:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AJ, my bad. For some reason I thought you were talking about the AFC North. Duhhh. Also, hosting is something like ten bucks a year or so. They just released a new website creator tool that allows me a bunch of new options - like finally being able to change font/size/color or text. I like it. I'm also thinking of spending the extra ten a month for unlimited pages.
Spooner, what's up your ass??
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2005-09-26 05:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
To make up for Spooner's rating; don't mind him, he just has his panties up in a bunch after watching his Steelers eat Tom Brady's shit.
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2005-09-26 05:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Teams Cincinati haas beat this year:
Browns
Vikings
Bears
...
Beat a contender, then you can talk. Don't get ahead of yourself Tommy.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-09-26 03:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AsshOly is 100% right about the NFC north. The Vikings, Lions, Bears, and Packers all suck. It is going to be funny this year when the leader has an 8-8 record and wins the division. I suppose it is possible to win with even a worse record, however. It could happen this year.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-09-26 03:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bears were screwed when their first stringer went down.
The packers will give you another win, so I really have little to say on my end. F'n packers.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-09-26 00:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My teams -
Green Bay Packers: 0-3, fighting desperately for a win, trying to prove theyre not the worst team in the NFL.
Milwaukee Brewers: 77-78, fighting desperately to finish the season at .500 or better, trying to be perfectly average.
Wisconsin Badgers: 4-0 (1-0), fighting to remain undefeated, to prove they're the best team in the conference during a rebuilding year.
I dont know what the hell to say about any of that, so I'll say THE BEARS STILL SUCK, the NFC North is an embarassment, OSU looks to be a top-flight program again, Iowa has schizophrenia to deal with (Drew Tate, specifically), AJ Hawk will be a dominant NFL player (even better than he is in college), OSU will win the conference, and USC will win the national title (allowing Leinart a free Heisman).
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-09-26 00:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love football.
I fucking hate football fans.
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2005-09-26 00:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Viva La Ron Mexico!!!
2 Legit 2 Quit.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-09-26 00:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. The Bears suck ass! The Rams are doing better than the Bears, and the Rams suck. GO RAMS ANYWAY!!!!!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, the Bears...losing to the lowly Redskins to start the season off,
in a game whose total point tally was lower than a fat prom date's dress size.
And now this.
Fuck the Bears, really.
"Fuck them in their stupid asses."
That reminds me, actually...probably only seven more days to celebrate the Redskins
being undefeated this year. "Yay."
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NFC North, I said.
I do like the layout of the site, too. How much does it cost you to get hosting?
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ill be at the Red River Shootout as it's held in my city and I'll bet anything that things are going to be different this year.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Theyre not invincible but Id bet anything they trample OU and A&M. Want to make a wager? There's no way those washed up losers are going to take them down.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How much you want to bet Texas will lose to either OU, A&M, or the Big 12 title game (if they make it that far)? Mack Brown is just like John Cooper - he can't get through a season undefeated no matter how much talent he has.
I have to admit, I don't see USC losing to anyone. When they're on their game, they could give a few crappy NFL teams a run for their money.
If OSU runs the table and Texas loses late, it could be just like it was back in 2000. That year, when Miami beat FSU, but FSU got the nod over them to play OU in the National Championship game anyway. I'm not saying it's right, but it IS possible....and is also the #1 reason college football DESPERATELY NEEDS a playoff format.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AJ, I've been putting together a highlight film of sorts for this season, and on nearly EVERY SINGLE play, AJ's around the ball.
He's big, he's strong, he's fast as hell, he has a nose for the ball, he plays hard....I've never seen a LB like him, and I remember Chris Spielman when he wore #36 for us.
AJ is like the anti-Katzenmoyer. Rather than coming in with a load of hype and producing right away, then falling off slightly each year until he fizzles out, AJ has gotten better each year and will wind up being a star weakside linebacker for some NFL team for the next 10-15 years. Maybe the Bears can pick him up to go along with Urlacher and Briggs or possibly the Lions with Lehman and Bailey.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All this Ohio State talk is an excersize in futility. Texas is going to the Rose Bowl this year. The only thing they have to fear is USC.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHOA......I just read your NFL comments. The AFC North is like the NL West? Are you serious??? Pittsburgh is a damned good football team and Baltimore's defense is no joke. Both of those teams could end up in the playoffs.
I still think Cincy's a year away. Their defense is talented, but young. Plus they're weak at safety. Kaesviharn shouldn't be starting for a CFL team, let alone the Bengals. Don't get me wrong, he's not awful, but he's slow as hell. He's just NOT the type of player you want starting in your defensive backfield. I really wish they would have drafted a SS last April. That's priority #1 in the draft this year. Hopefully Bing leaves USC early and they can manage to pick him up.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buckeyes played great. The Hawkeyes need to do something on offense. They've got more talent there than on the defensive side of the ball and yet they still can't manage to get anything done. I guess we're heading back for our 7th (I think) Alamo Bowl visit. But then again there could be a scenario for a three-way tie like in years past.
I'm trying to decide whether I'd rather have Michigan or OSU win the conference. Probably OSU. AJ Hawk is my favorite non-Iowa college player. The dude's a fucking beast, man. Just a beast.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, it's not just for Habeeb. It's also for Mister #1 on the MVA who changed his username to "Brian Urlacher" after mine was "Carson Palmer."
HA HA HA HA!!! That's what you get for passing me over for B@W and allowing someone like squattail to pass me on the list, BartBart. For shame.
Oh, and AJ.....HOW ABOUT THOSE BUCKEYES!?
Incidentally, your preview has been posted on my site since Saturday morning (what do you think of the new look, by the way?), but I couldn't do anything special with it because my home CPU is a POS. It'll be more polished tomorrow. I liked it, by the way. Particularly the Ditka line.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bah.
You should've emailed this to Habeeb.
I picked the Bengals to win, and I think they are going to make the playoffs barring any injuries to key players. The NFC North is the equivalent to the NL West in baseball.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-09-25 23:14:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How bout those Cowboys? Chad Hutchinson was our leftovers, glad someone could put him to use.