Fantasy Football Violence, Round One. (1381 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 2 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff <barnymeinhoff.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-09-26 07:17:04 EDT
Fantasy Football Violence, Round One.
"And you shall know us by the trail of dead."
Match Results.
Birmingham ( Berty ) 2 - 2 Liverpool ( Ajanssen )
Yellow Cards
Birmingham 2 - 3 Liverpool
Red Cards
Birmingham 1 - 0 Liverpool
Points
Birmingham 7 - 6 Liverpool
Birmingham Wins.
Whilst Ajanssen managed to amass quite a respectable crew for the trip into Birmingham, Berty's Zulu Army bushwhacked them at New Street Station as they got off the train from Liverpool.
With surprise and sheer numbers on their side the Firm from Birmingham made short work of the Huyton Baddies and the fight ended with Ajannsen being chased under the wheels of a moving train by Berty who had run after him with a machete.
Berty goes through to the next round.
Match Results.
Bolton ( Sassmaster ) 1 - 0 Portsmouth ( C1ndy )
Yellow Cards
Bolton 2 - 2 Portsmouth
Red Cards
Bolton 0 - 0 Portsmouth
Points
Bolton 4 - 4 Portsmouth
This would have been a draw, however Portsmouth's manager was sent off the field for taking the piss out of the fourth official. This classic display of poor sportsmanship means Portsmouth pip it.
C1ndy woke up in her Portsmouth slum with a bad hangover. She drained the half can of flat Stella that was by her bed and told the nameless tart she had pulled the night before to fuck off.
Several lines of coke and a few beers later she was on the train to Bolton where she was leading her firm against Sassmasters MCB Crew.
The fight had been pre arranged on a piece of wasteland in Bolton's industrial district.
The two gangs were quite evenly matched and the fight wasn't really going anywhere until Sassmaster took a swipe at C1ndy with a craft knife badly cutting her arm.
Taking exception to this C1ndy kicked him to the ground before repeatedly stamping on his head. After breaking his jaw and fracturing his cheek she took his knife and cut off one of his ears as a memento. Seeing this the rest of the MCB legged it leaving C1ndy's 657 Crew the victors.
C1ndy goes through to the next round.
Match Results.
West Ham ( Barnymeinhoff ) 0 - 0 Arsenal ( Technoboy )
Yellow Cards
West Ham 2 - 0 Arsenal
Red Cards
West Ham 0 - 0 Arsenal
Points
West Ham 4 - 0 Arsenal
Technoboy turned the key in his front door and went to enter his flat. It had been a disappointing day as Arsenal had been held to a draw at Upton Park and none of Barnymeinhoff's ICF had shown out for a fight. He walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on,
Hearing a sound he turned round in time to receive a baseball bat in the face, which knocked him out cold.
Barnymeinhoff proceeded to rob Technoboy of 250 E's and an X Box before cracking him in the head a few more times and taking a shit on his floor.
Barnymeinhoff goes through to the next round ( get in! )
Match Results.
Newcastle ( MBStateside ) 1 - 0 Man City ( Towed88 )
Yellow Cards
Newcastle 0 - 2 Man City
Red Cards
Newcastle 0 - 0 Man City
Points
Newcastle 1 - 4 Man City
Towed88 leads his Main Line Service Crew into Newcastle's Bigmarket after a disappointing result.
The day wears on and the crew is getting more and more drunk when his cell phone rings and a scout warns him that MBStateside is leading about 50 Gremlins into the area and it looks like they know exactly where the visiting crew are camped.
Ignoring the CCTV and the bar staff Towed88 gets out a wrap of base and takes a big hit before passing on the message to the rest of the gang.
Just then the front window of the pub explodes as a bin is thrown in from outside and the Newcastle firm steams in.
Despite having superior numbers the Gremlins are not prepared for the ferocity with which the Manchester crew are prepared to fight and the base amphetamine Towed88 has consumed turns him into a fucking psycho.
As usual he takes it all a bit to far and stoves MBStateside's head in with a ball pin hammer before the crew splits and runs for a train back to Manchester.
MBStateside died at 4am this morning.
Towed88 goes through to the next round.
Next Round Sun 2nd t October.
C1ndy v Towed88
Barnymeinhoff v Berty
User Reviews
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want in next time
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-09-26 16:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That fuckin Berty.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-26 13:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air,
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the sky,
And like my dreams,
They fade and die,
Fortunes always hiding,
I looked everywhere,
I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.
Submitted by flarn-dorfar (user info) at 2005-09-26 13:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am not an alter
Submitted by Technoboy (user info) at 2005-09-26 13:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Arsenal playing properly & by the rules. You'd think the fans would have at least been up for a brawl.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-26 11:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dammit! i lose at everything!
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-09-26 11:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nooooooooooooooo!
How can the Toon army have been so easily defeated by the Man City scum.
Oh well at least I went down in a blaze of Glory.
SHADWELL!!!!!!!!
Submitted by towed88 (user info) at 2005-09-26 11:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time I'll bring a claw hammer!
Bring the box knife C1ndy and I'll cut off something I'm sure you'll miss!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-09-26 08:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
COOOOME OOOOON YOUUUUU BLUUUUUES!
I hate football.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-09-26 08:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amusing.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-09-26 07:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bring it on!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-26 07:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Barny this is marvelously written. Well done.
And I won!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-09-26 07:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is always trouble when Birmingham come to Anfield.