"John Lennon 'Dissed' Jesus...and Now? Heh heh, you know what happened..." and the Grand Central Jesus Lady (767 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: memories
Rating: 1.93 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2005-09-27 09:51:50 EDT
Hi, Mr. or Mrs. Uberperson. How's everything?
What?
Oh, you're right, I don't care.
In any case, let me tell you a bit about religious zealotry...zealousness...zelocity? Let's move on.
My commute to work this morning was a lot more quiet than usual. I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I saw a homie with a giant gold cross necklace. The Jesus Lady wasn't at Grand Central this morning?
Who is the Jesus Lady, you might ask? Simply put, she is a middle-aged black woman that stands next to the stairs leading to the 4/5/6 trains. And she speaks in a half singing/half scolding kind of possessed voice:
"Listen to JEEZ-us, the ONE and ONly LORD and SAViah; he is the ONly ONE who can SAVE our MORtal SOULS; rePENT beFORE you BURN in FIRE forEVah!...etc..."
It's annoying to read, yes. It's a lot more annoying to listen to when you're trying to swipe your metrocard and the damn machine tells you to "swipe again--but only at this turnstile. That's right bitch, keep swiping...mm, that's good. Okay, I'll let you go now."
Her absence today somehow sparked a memory from years past. It really seems like a lifetime ago, actually.
"Youth 2000"
Remember in the late '90's when almost everything had 2000 appended to the end of it for no real reason? This was one of those things. As a 17-year-old in the spring of 1999, I was invited to participate in Youth 2000, a gathering of young Catholic boys and girls run by Franciscan monks.
Let's just get this out of the way: no, there was no sexual activity between myself and the monks, the boys or the girls. In retrospect, it is possible it occurred between other attendees. But that is a story for another post.
The only reason I agreed to go was that my parish got the prestigious honor of hosting it in the Catholic school building that year. Most of the people there were from 50 or 60 miles away. My parish was 3 blocks down the street from my house. There were no working showers at the time and this event was an overnight deal. I opted to sleep at home.
At 17, I was at my religious peak. My faith in the Catholic Church was unwavering, my resolve to remain pure was strong. Except for the jerking off. And the occasional favor from a girl here and there. I needed some release. It was with that kind of determination that I went in to this event, hellbent on being the best Catholic there.
And then it started. We were all dispersed into random groups of boys and girls, each with its own 'counselor.' And we discussed the pros and cons of being Catholic in our society. And the many temptations out there. And the need to overcome those temptations.
"What do you guys think of this new show called 'South Park,'" asks the counselor.
"Horrible," replies some chick.
"Blasphemous," says another dude.
"Makes fun of Jesus," replies yet another chick.
"It's kinda...it's pretty funny," says I.
Have you ever walked into a random couple's wedding in front of 500 guests, punched the groom and then raped the bride? Neither have I, but I'm sure the looks on the guests' faces would be about the same as the people in my group. After spending 10 minutes using circular reasoning to explain the truth of the Bible and how it is mocked in South Park, I just gave in. But I had a figurative scarlet 'SP' on my chest from that point on.
I don't remember much else of what went on that weekend except for 3 key moments:
1. The Calling
We all were called to kneel by this hipster monk (think Ed Norton in "Keeping the Faith" in a robe) and close our eyes. Anyone that felt the 'calling' to become a priest, nun or monk had to raise their hand. When I opened my eyes, I saw like 20 people (out of about 200) that were standing in the center of the room with the monk. He said any one of us could use our lives to serve Jesus. Then he sort of looked in my direction and reiterated, "Just about anyone."
I was shocked to see the other local guy there in the center, this hispanic kid I knew from school. Let's call him Jorge. He was always one of those badasses, but at the time I just kneeled there in awe of his decision [incidentally, he ended up working for the town and becoming a druggie].
2. The Cult-like Underbelly of the Catholic Church
If all you know about the Catholic Church is the giant weddings and the sacraments and the sex scandals and the Pope, then you know like 97.3% of it. However, you might not know about some of the numerous ultra-Catholic underground ceremonies.
At the end of first night's mass, we all sat in a circle around the monk as he signalled for the doors to be closed (and locked), the blinds to be pulled down and the candles to be lit. He donned his hood and acquired this enormous golden scepter-like pole (no, not his cock--I thought we were past the pedophile jokes) with this elaborate crucifix on top of it. It looked like a sun with hundreds of rays bursting out from it. In the center of that sun-crucifix was this little circular mirror.
"When I come to each of you, you will look straight into the crucifix and be able to see Jesus. What you discuss with him is between the two of you. When you are finished, you may kiss Jesus."
I'm not even shitting you. Those aren't the exact words, but that's the sentiment he got across. That was the first time in my life that I felt a tiny pang of doubt about this whole religion thing. When he brought the sceptor to me, I looked up into the mirror and saw an eerie reflection of myself lit by the reflection of the candlelight. I was totally fucking freaked. I kissed it like everyone was supposed to, wiped my mouth as he walked away and looked around at all the other praying youths. I realized none of this was for me.
3. The Lennon Quote
In his final speech to us, he mentioned how tough we had to be to maintain our faith in this world. To his credit, he had that whole tough-guy-from-Brooklyn attitude going for him. But then he mentioned how people place more emphasis on movie and rock stars than on religion. Then he layed out the whole "bigger than Jesus" quote that John Lennon said.
"Yeah, I guess the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. I guess that worked out pretty well for him, eh?"
The room erupted in laughter, but I sort of sat there. I wanted to raise my hand and mention that that quote was taken out of context. But I thought of my South Park experience and let it go.
I didn't mean for this post to take such a somber turn, but as I was writing it, it really started making me wonder...
I walked away from Youth 2000 a lot differently than I walked into it. I don't necessarily believe religious beliefs are a bad thing, but when people start turning into fanatics about it, it makes me wonder. How many of those young minds were completely brainwashed that weekend? At least a few, I imagine. How many people out there are influenced at even earlier ages?
How many people are willing to fight--and even kill--over these beliefs? Is that really the goal? I'm not a hippy tree-hugger or anything, but I just wonder sometimes...
A bit of randomness to lighten the mood...
User Reviews
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-27 16:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
and 1 for the gal fuggin out in the bar there!
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-27 16:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2 for the post
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-27 14:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent post! Everyone on this site knows how I feel about the whole of Christianity.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-09-27 12:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<----- Recovering Catholic
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-09-27 11:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY RYU! F U!
Very good post. This is what Uber is supposed to be all about.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-09-27 10:25:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'He said any one of us could use our lives to serve Jesus. Then he sort of looked in my direction and reiterated, "Just about anyone."'
Ah ha ha ha ha!
Sounds much like my experience in reform....I mean Catholic school.
Submitted by Curly (user info) at 2005-09-27 10:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-09-27 10:05:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because this was hilarious, i have seen the praise jesus grand central lady many times, and because you mentioned ed norton in a robe (and in my imagination he's naked under it)