Pikachu Vs. Asians and a Giant Protractor (434 hits)
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Submitted by Jon (View user info) at 2005-09-27 13:37:09 EDT
Metro Bus drivers all seem to have been cut from the same breed. They're just friendly enough to avoid getting shot, yet just enough of a dick to avoid having to talk to some douche bag every day along their route. Most importantly, they do not provie any more service than is required by their employer. Make things as uncomfortable as possible, it's the union way.
It's a small area where this mentality lies, and it takes a lot of time for any bus driver to atain it. It's like Buddhist Enlightenment, except instead of a bald head you have long greasy hair with enough dandruff to asphyxiate a whale.
Today, however, I came across a new bus driver.
Upon entering the bus I was greeted with a smile and an enthusiastic, "Hey, Buddy! How's it going!?"
Anger built up inside of me. I started to breathe heavily and glared him in the eyes, opening them as wide as I could. I watched his friendly smile turn into a look of confusion and fear.
I would teach this n00b the path of bus driver enlightenment even if I had to bludgen him with a teeder-todder.
I sat amongst a bus full of normal college students and 3 asian ones.
I took a seat within earshot of my n00b bus driver.
I watched as he continuously fumbled with his crappy handheld radio, trying to get Nickelback to come through for nobody's enjoyment but his own and maybe the 3 asians'.
The bus pulled to a stop at an intersection and we waited for the light to change. The driver opened the door to get the attention of the bus driver in the bus next to us. The driver looked over, saw his friendly wave, and scowled.
Our bus driver went back to fidgeting with his peice of shit music contraption, and the Asians in the back stirred, I could hear them talking about Nickelback... and math.
The bus driver had broken the golden rule, he'd given the asians Nickelbak, and then taken it away. This was followed by the only logical response, the asians were constructing a giant protractor to chop off his head.
I looked back, the protractor was about 6 feet tall. The asian girl was painting japanimation characters where the numbers should be. They had erected a flag with the symbol for "Yen" which wafted in the breeze above their construction site in the back of the bus.
The normal college students looked at them in bewilderment. The bus driver drove on in obliviousness.
It had become apparent to me that I didn't need to school this bus driver at all. Natural selection would deal with this guy like a retarded 12 year old taking on a Cheetah. God sure does have a sense of humor.
The asians prepared to strike... crouching like a tiger, and hiding like a dragon.
The bus driver finally saw the protractor, and to everyone's surprise produced a gigantic Pikachu robot from behind his seat.
Touche' Mr. Bus Driver... Touche'
The robot spun up with the sound of a jet engine and the asians got down on their knees and began to chant.
"pikachu, bring me rice, my calculator runs on ice"
Sure enough, they'd all figured out a way to run electronic equipment on ice. Simply amazing.
The rest of the poeple on the bus were scared shitless at this point, one girl was crying and a frat boy was picking his nose. I heard plee after plee to "stop the bus!" or "kill it!" one girl said as she pointed at an asian.
Pikachu's robotic voice began to warm up.
"All who are loyal to Pikachu must end the protractor offensive..."
This message was repeated over and over. The diesel smoke stack coming out of pikachu's head was making it hard to breathe. I decided this had gone on long enough.
I quickly grabbed the radio and blasted Nicklback.
"I HAD A BAD DAY..."
Immediately, the asians deconstructed their protractor and pikachu powered down and the smoke cleared.
Whimpers turned to confusion as the asians took down the Yen flag and opened a discussion about mathematics.
Nickelback played in the background.
I hate Nickelback.
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