CyberSex (2382 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -0.2 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kassidy Anderson <sillystring.at.hailmail.net> (View user info) at 2003-05-17 22:44:38 EDT
When I first read this...I laughed...for a very long time.
Thanks to Mad Dawg for finding these and thanks to whoever the original author was for writing them.
You guys like cybering? I do, here's an example
J-Dogg: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears27: Aight.
J-Dogg: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears27: I slip out of my pants, just for you, J-Dogg.
J-Dogg: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears27: Oh, I like to play dress up.
J-Dogg: Me too baby.
BritneySpears27: I kiss you softly on your chest.
J-Dogg: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears27: Hey...
J-Dogg: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears27: Funny I still don't see it.
J-Dogg: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuk of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears27: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
J-Dogg: Don't fuk with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
J-Dogg: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears27: Don't ever message me again you piece of shiat.
J-Dogg: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
J-Dogg: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
J-Dogg: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
J-Dogg: Baby?
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sexysusan: Thats ok. Ok I'm a japanese schoolgirl, what are you.
J-Dogg: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
sexysusan: Haha, ok lets go.
sexysusan: I put my hand through your hair, and kiss you on the neck.
J-Dogg: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
sexysusan: Haha, ok, you know that turns me on.
sexysusan: I start unbuttoning your shirt.
J-Dogg: Rhinoceruses don't were shirts.
sexysusan: No, your not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
J-Dogg: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fuking charge your ass.
sexysusan: Stop, c'mon be serious.
J-Dogg: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
J-Dogg: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
sexysusan: Thats it.
J-Dogg: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
J-Dogg: Goddam am I hard now.
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QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dik puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.
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Katey69: Sure, you into vegetables?
J-Dogg: What like gardening an shiat?
Katey69: Yeah, something like that.
J-Dogg: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
J-Dogg: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katey69: is that it?
J-Dogg: You water your tomato patch.
J-Dogg: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katey69: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
J-Dogg: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
J-Dogg: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
Katey69: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
J-Dogg: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
J-Dogg: Damn baby your right, this shiat is HOT.
Katey69...
J-Dogg: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katey69: What the fart is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
J-Dogg: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katey69: whatever.
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G-Love: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears27: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears27: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
G-Love: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears27: WTF, I told you not to message me again.
G-Love: Oh shiat
BritneySpears27: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me fuking kiddie porn you fuk up.
G-Love: Oh shiat
G-Love: damn I gotta write down their names or something...
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Mandy4u26: Yeah I'm here.
J-Dogg: You ready?
Mandy4u26: Okay.
J-Dogg: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt.
Mandy4u26: Cowboy boots?
J-Dogg: WWI era trench issue boots.
Mandy4u26: okay...
J-Dogg: Help me pull my boots off baby.
Mandy4u26: Whats that smell?
J-Dogg: Rotting toes.
Mandy4u26: Ummm...
J-Dogg: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat.
Mandy4u26: ...
J-Dogg: You carress my ass, and trim my pubes...
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J-dogg:Your pretty funny
DirtyKate:I don't remember you.. but thanx
J-dogg:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody (wink)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
J-dogg: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot.
J-dogg:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
J-dogg:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
J-dogg:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
J-dogg:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
J-dogg:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
<pause>
DirtyKate:Jdogg, I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
J-dogg:You can't hurry good pizza.
J-dogg:I'm on my way now though
<pause>
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
J-dogg:How did you know?
J-dogg:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
J-dogg:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
J-dogg:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
J-dogg:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:wtf?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of shiat
DirtyKate:Fuk
User Reviews
Submitted by Nosferatu (user info) at 2003-07-25 19:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-06-11 12:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh man, this shit is too funny
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2003-06-11 10:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1052929450341228676
Submitted by Agent_FUBAR (user info) at 2003-06-11 10:21:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is the funiest shit ive read in ages
Submitted by Fuunsaiki (user info) at 2003-05-19 17:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
LOL...the best is when you said put on a robe and wizard hat and started casting stuff. Still got EQ on the brain eh.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-05-19 17:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Yeah...I'm an idiot....but whateva, whateva, I do what I want
My friends and I used to laugh our asses off saying that. It's from Southpark right?... "
HeavensWalls, yes it is. the episode is titled "Freak Strike" and it's downright hilarious. you can search for it on Kazaa or whatever file sharing program you use, if you even use one. or you can try your luck here, but their servers are often down- http://spepisodes.com/season6.shtml
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-05-19 16:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
there is one extra one.
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-05-19 03:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DesolationRepair at 2003-05-18 17:42:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah...I'm an idiot....but whateva, whateva, I do what I want
My friends and I used to laugh our asses off saying that. It's from Southpark right?...
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-05-18 18:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's my hot body, I'll do what I want. Good sense of humor gets a plus two from me. ^_~
Submitted by DesolationRepair at 2003-05-18 17:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah...I'm an idiot....but whateva, whateva, I do what I want
Submitted by dot (user info) at 2003-05-18 11:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by shaun <c3r341.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-05-18 04:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i laughed my ass off.
again.
at least there were some new conversations added.
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-05-18 02:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-1 for the stupid post
-1 for loki saying "je da vous all over again". what the fuck is je da vous? it translates to 'i da you (plural)'. arg! de ja vu, maybe, but je da vous just pisses me off...
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2003-05-18 01:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 because someone already did that.....god i'm a hypocrite, fuck it +2. it's still funny.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2003-05-18 01:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funnier the second time
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-05-18 00:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is very sad. i thought this was pretty funny but then i saw that someone else posed this.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-05-18 00:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I was just messin. It happened to me and it happened to everyone else...and the cycle must continue!!
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-05-17 23:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PLAGARISM PLAGARISM...haha i won't start. Fuck you.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-05-17 23:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
je da vous all over again
I can't bring myself to pull the -2 trigger though.
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-05-17 23:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi there. Sorry for all the -2's you've been getting, but I figured the least I could do was tell you why. There was a post very recently with the exact same content.
All you people need to lighten up on this guy, he didn't know it'd been on here before. I found it just as funny as the first time I saw it...
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-05-17 23:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
go to hell.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-05-17 23:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, yeah, welcome to Ubersite! :)
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-05-17 23:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Stupid idiot" is a little redundant, don't you think?
If anyone should feel stupid, its you. :)
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-05-17 23:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1052929450341228676
Submitted by DesolaitonRepair (user info) at 2003-05-17 23:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what the fuck is all of your problems? Yes, I am serious...you stupid idiots.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2003-05-17 22:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You gotta be shittin me. You can't fuckin be serious so you gotta be shittin me!
Go to the monkey house at the zoo and stick your ass up to the bars. I bet Bobo will have a nice message for you.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-05-17 22:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you serious???