Generic B@W story (2438 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.94 on 62 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by squattail (View user info) at 2005-09-27 23:51:15 EDT
First of all let me give you a brief background to the following story in seventy-five words or less: I like/dislike/did/do/did not do/do not do a particular person/place/social practice. You may note this preface appears different to any future sections of text, this is due to the fact that I haven't begun using double-line spacing or single-sentence paragraphs yet.
So I was at work/driving to work/in a relatively new environment or situation/driving to a relatively new environment or situation, when someone familiar to me who is a friend/authoritative figure approaches me.
They inform me of a fact relating to themself and/or myself which I find confrontational. Feeling uncomfortable or the necessity to remove myself from the situation, I engage in witty, double line spaced banter with said friend/authoritative figure.
The realism of such banter becomes apparent when I use a quote in incorrect context and it is responded to with continuation as opposed to reprimand.
Fortunately most of the following will be derived directly from Family Ties and Perfect Strangers episodes, leaving minimal room for error.
"As a stereotype of whatever race/religion/gender/occupation/sexuality (or any combination) I'm supposed to represent, I will say something involving said stereotype that relates to this confrontational situation I'm putting you."
"Well, you know what they say: 'Once you've had whatever race/religion/gender/occupation/sexuality you are, you never go back.'"
"An inanimate mirror of a character, I will merely reflect what you've just stated, so the ball is in your court to fire scathing zingers at me."
"A your momma is so fat contest eh? An unnecessary and uncalled-for subtopic to include in the context of anything, anywhere, ever, but I accept this unmentioned challenge. Your momma is so fat I felt the need to recall one of the hundreds of stock metaphors for large women at my disposal."
"The words you weave are only multiplying what (unpublished) creative writing teachers refer to as the 'focal complication'. This creates a non-existent sense of suspense which will invariably lead to the literary climax involving some sort of lesson learnt and probably ripped directly from the page of a Reader's Digest magazine."
"Hey, stop talking so much. You're not conforming to the blueprint with your excessively worded sentences."
"Whachoo talkin' 'bout Willis."
"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
I hold out my thumbs Arthur Fonzarelli style.
Now the discomfort from the original confrontation has escalated to the point I'm forced to exit the scene. Some sort of closure is required, so I refer to my chart, choose the stock conclusion of best fit, and await my volley of +2s and B@W nominations.
-Sideburns
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-05-28 13:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good work.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-05-28 12:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just realised I subconsciously ripped this off a bit for my HateMadness entry.
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-05-28 11:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hhahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-05-17 16:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suddenly see iddqd's point of view.
But the same thing is still happening today.
Most people like this stuff.
Formulas work.
How much money did T3 make at the cinemas?
Oh yeah - More than I would earn in a thousand lifetimes.
Kids never get bored of the 3 little pigs.
Even as they get older, they just substitute the pigs for fat trailer park chicks, and the wolf becomes a guy in a suit who appears on Judge Judy and wins $$$$ for the honour of blowing the chick's house down.
Why fix what aint broke?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-21 07:23:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What phuzzy said, with more wondering.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-11-21 07:15:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder if the below reviewer will ever return to see if the reviewer below their review has returned to see if anyone placed a review above their review.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-05-09 09:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if the below reviewer will ever come back to see that someone else has indeed reviewed this post again.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-05-09 09:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if more people will review this after me.
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-02-14 16:16:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-03 19:32:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
b@W
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2005-12-03 15:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-12-03 15:07:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tnemmoC oN
Submitted by alfakyle (user info) at 2005-12-03 14:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was transported here through the magic of linkwhoring. yay!
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2005-12-03 12:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo! Encore!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-03 10:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Your momma is so fat I felt the need to recall one of the hundreds of stock metaphors for large women at my disposal."
Ahahahaha. Man this post kicks ass.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-10-02 11:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, the Axel Foley thing made me crack up.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-09-30 01:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:29:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
_______________
Hahahahahahhaha. Take the power back.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-28 16:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighFructoseCornSyrup (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-09-28 01:25:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats still good shit.
Squatty and Shandy are 2 of the most talented people on here
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They are pretty much the ONLY two people here who have even a trace of talent, and Shandy has been somewhat boring ever since he gave up writing Rand And Vile.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-09-28 14:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beyond all praise
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-09-28 11:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm starting to think you're the only talented person here.
not to lick your balls or anything
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-09-28 11:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think if you wrote for television, not only would the quality of television improve, but you would make a lot of money.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-09-28 10:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate you.
Lover.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-09-28 10:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Ahahahaha...it's funny 'cause it's TRUE!"
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-09-28 09:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are doing your best to turn me from a foe to a fan.
Both have 3 letters, but if you assign values to the letters based on their position in the alphabet, you get two numbers that have no bearing on anything whatsoever.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-09-28 09:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-09-28 01:41:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
i gotta say, im quickly becoming a convert. this is pure gold.
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Are you also trying to be more approachable/less confrontational, or does it just seem that way?
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-09-28 09:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very clever.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-09-28 09:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SO TRUE!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-28 09:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, how I missed you.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-28 09:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kurt!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-09-28 09:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-09-28 08:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:10:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
-Sideburns
nice use of the hyphen there
=================================================
Baahahahahahahahah!!
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-09-28 06:49:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-09-28 06:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-09-28 05:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oops.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-09-28 05:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
heheh, yeah.
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-09-28 05:31:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ka Ching!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-28 05:21:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your momma is so fat I felt the need to recall one of the hundreds of stock metaphors for large women at my disposal.
--------
Best 'yo' momma' evar.
I wish I was a child because then you could adopt me and school me in the path of righteousness.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-28 05:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-09-28 04:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-09-28 03:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is not, the greatest story in the world.
This is just a tribute.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-09-28 03:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-09-28 03:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-09-28 03:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahahaha.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-09-28 02:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-09-28 02:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uncharacteristically clever.
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-09-28 02:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-09-28 01:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i gotta say, im quickly becoming a convert. this is pure gold.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2005-09-28 01:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-09-28 01:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats still good shit.
Squatty and Shandy are 2 of the most talented people on here
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-09-28 01:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very Clever.
Submitted by Flaahgra (user info) at 2005-09-28 01:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:39:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Delicious.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-Sideburns
nice use of the hyphen there
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
helpful
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-09-28 00:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-09-27 23:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
You should've just done it in picture format like your madlibs.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-09-27 23:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha you're a cunt, I love it