Lost HowStuffWorks.com Entry: How Shaving Your Balls To Get More Fellatio Works (13549 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: uberbook
Rating: 1.97 on 55 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Average_Dan (View user info) at 2005-09-28 13:03:06 EDT
Inside sources tell us that, strange as it may seem, women do not enjoy "soaking the boys" whilst giving oral pleasure. There are a number of reasons why this may be, but apparently the forerunner in this list is women don't like to come away with hair stuck betwixt their teeth, or worse end up ingesting said hair.
Luckily for us men-folk, there is an alternative to going without, and it is simply: A freshly shorn nut sack.
Now you don't want to just go chopping away with a pair of Fiskars, no sir. To avoid potential castration, and the end of the human race, we here at How Stuff Works have come up with a fool proof, 2 step process in which optimum luster can be attained.
Step One: Clippers- These babies are going to be your first step in the process. If you are a first-timer, they are an absolute must. Drop trow and grab a handful you hairy bastard! Use the clippers to trim the mane, the ball-sack, and the chode for bonus points. Start off with a small section and make sure there is no tugging going on. If there is, you may need to adjust the cutting plane on the side of the unit.
Step Two: Schick Quattro- Anything less and you are completely and utterly useless. It has four blades you asshole, that has to be better than 3! If you can't see that we will kindly ask you to leave this site now, and never return.
Apparently the best way to go about this, is to squeeze the testes against the skin, thereby stretching the epidermis around the nut. This will ensure the closest shave possible. A steady hand is absolutely necessary here. Very carefully, glide the foursome of blades over the curved surface of your balls taking care not to miss spots.
Methodically squeeze the cojones against different areas and repeat until all the hair is gone and you are left with a surface that resembles strawberry chewing gum, or a Charleston Chew if you are of African descent.
After this process is done, suggest to your partner that you would like them to "teabag" you until you are aroused. A subtle way to do this is with a maneuver known as "Ray-Bans" where you place one nut over each of your partner's eyes, emulating the late 90's sunglasses, and sliding downward to the mouth.
And there you have it simple, quick, and effective. For more information click on the sponsored links below...
User Reviews
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-08-09 12:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
b@w
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-08-09 11:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shaved balls FTW
Submitted by Hooli (user info) at 2007-08-09 11:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"or a Charleston Chew if you are of African descent."
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-09 10:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truth.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-09 10:30:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought most guys did this now. to whoever said "pluck them"....... FUCK THAT
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-14 04:35:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the ladies, a less painful and expensive suggestion would be this pimp trimmer you can buy at walmart and the like.
Eight bucks, doesn't pull, doesn't cut, gets everything down to a nice level.
And you can leave it in the shower and it doesn't fry up on ya. Woo!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-09-14 04:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:05:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
That shit itches when it grows back.
__
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:04:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great, but it does itch like a bastard when the hair starts growing back.
____
Huh?
I've found the ballsack and base of dick to the the least aggravated, least itchy part of my body to shave. Never had an ingrown/rash/itch or anything. It's been bliss.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-14 04:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot to say
NEEDS MORE PHOTO DEMONSTRATIONS
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-14 04:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking brilliant.
Now just convince all your boys to do the same.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-05-04 09:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
machine gun fellatio is a pretty decent band
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-04 09:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-11-11 09:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-11-11 09:14:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So that would make your balls just like your head eh Dan?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-31 12:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nobody likes hairy balls in his/her mouth.
Submitted by Leroy_Brown (user info) at 2005-10-23 20:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
After a few months it'll start growing back thicker and harder, just like stubble on your face. Enjoy.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-23 20:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well i've got nothing even vaguely relevant to linkwhore to this
good post.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-17 08:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-10-14 01:43:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
---==--=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Holy Shit, my first B@W nomination!
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-10-14 01:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-10-14 01:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Place balls over eyes. Insert dick into mouth. I give you the MEXICAN SNORKLE, or better known as THE ROMAN BATTLE MASK
Oh snap! Cowabunga dudes
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2005-09-29 14:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you just use the trimmers on the surrounding area, that works best. The itching people are talking about is when you start shaving the inner thigh or above the peener (lower stomach). Put the trimmers on no lower than a 2 setting and you won't have to worry about the itching and the hair will be short enough not to interefere. But DO shave the sack completely. If you try and use a nut to stretch out the sack skin, you're shaving something ROUND with something STRAIGHT and it'll take for ever. It's better to stretch the sack upwards over the peener and shave against the grain from bottom to top. SMOOOOOOOOOTH.
Little known tip - soap up, get the hardy-on, and don't forget the sides of the peener, near the base. If you do, the stubly hair near the base will burn her like sandpaper everytime you're all the way in... not good.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-29 14:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Somehow I miseed this little gem of informatation. Very insightful and well written. Dan, you are a god among men...
Submitted by cleanfornow (user info) at 2005-09-29 09:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nair, grows back softer and no itch.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-09-29 05:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MackTuesday (user info) at 2005-09-29 02:04:52 (#)
Ranking: 1
I just pluck 'em. My sack is baby smooth now. No stubble!
---------------
ouchies!
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-09-29 04:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by VengefulDaddy (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:54:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Way too complicated. I offer the following alternative:
1. Place Bic lighter below nuts.
2. Ignite
-----------------------------------------------------------
OMG WTF!!! No MAN would ever suggest this!
Sweet post. Don't ever allow your girl to shave your bits though guys. I learned my lesson.
Submitted by celine (user info) at 2005-09-29 02:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was common knowledge, or I would have posted it myself.
Good work: +2
Submitted by MackTuesday (user info) at 2005-09-29 02:04:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just pluck 'em. My sack is baby smooth now. No stubble!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-09-28 22:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On behalf of women everywhere, THANK YOU.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-09-28 18:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-09-28 16:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was just on how stuff works, too.
great post. really well done...
I suggest the following at the end, however:
use a dash of watered down after-shave to avoid itching.
follow up with a good rubbling of bag balm, for that good udder/teat feel....
.....it gives a good "farmy" feel to the whole sitaution.
I'm going now.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-09-28 16:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It doesn't itch that bad.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-09-28 16:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I should have posted this under Science and Environmental.
DAMN!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:05:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
That shit itches when it grows back.
-----
Then don't let it grow back.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU ARE A CREDIT TO THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i have used a quatro for my boys. i still prefer the mach 3. the 4 blads did give a nice shave, but i found it just wasen't the same.
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by supersloth (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:41:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed... on the way to the bathroom to shave my nuts.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great, but it does itch like a bastard when the hair starts growing back.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-09-28 14:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've thought about teabagging a bowl of nair or something to do the job quickly, but isn't there some kind of a warning label on it? I'll wake up one day and one nut will be half the size of the other and green =( Good post~
Submitted by hostileapostle (user info) at 2005-09-28 14:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every guy should shave his nuts. My boyfriend does it. He claims it makes blowjobs better for him. It sure as hell makes 'em better for me.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-28 14:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tame.The.Jungle
Submitted by VengefulDaddy (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way too complicated. I offer the following alternative:
1. Place Bic lighter below nuts.
2. Ignite.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+ 2 because my man does this and it makes giving a blow job so much nicer...
In a pretty sunny way :)
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I the part about the 4 blades, my fellas crept up into my belly
Submitted by supersloth (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed... on the way to the bathroom to shave my nuts.
Submitted by mcgee3394 (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My husband does this. +2 for me being his wife.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
4 words.
Hair removal cream.
Fool.
Submitted by johnhutch (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Insightful and informative! You're squeeze-the-testy technique is truly innovative!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha.
<studies advanced fellatio techniques>
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are so many things I could say here...
It's probably best to just keep my mouth shut, leave your +2 and be on my merry way.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I thought it was just for crab removal.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:05:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
That shit itches when it grows back.
Hahahaha.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You rock!
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, this is frigging funny.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Easily one of your best posts yet.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-09-28 13:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That shit itches when it grows back.