The Chronicles of Crazy Clients - Case One (1116 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.71 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mrs. Love (View user info) at 2005-09-28 15:01:31 EDT
I am a legal assistant and have been working for the same attorney now for a little over three years. We dabble in almost all areas of law, but mainly represent people in divorce, custody and other domestic matters. Over the past two and a half of those three years this woman has been periodically calling about her perpetual divorce case. To sum it up, she dated this guy, got pregnant, they got married and have been married for approximately 8 years. This is one of the weirdest relationships and tops my "weirdest cases ever" list.
She moved into his house when they got married and was a stay-at-home mom. Once the child reached school age she began remodeling the house herself room by room and literally spent her entire days while their kid was at school working on the house. She became suspicious of him cheating on her after she heard a message on their answering machine one day. She was off somewhere running errands while he was out cutting the grass. The kid was inside when the phone rang, so he ran the phone out to his dad. The dad didn't realize the answering machine had picked up and was recording. It was some Filipino lady apparently discussing "things" with him. When the wife got home and saw the light flashing on their machine, she heard the whole conversation, which had been recorded on the old school answering machines that used tapes.
Being a stay-at-home mom for the past many years, she realizes she has no money or real work experience to go out and get a job to solely support her and her son. She begins waking up 30 minutes before her husband, she goes out and hits the record button on a small tape recorder under the bench of his truck that is attached by Velcro, and then runs back in and makes his coffee and lunch for the day. He wakes up and heads to work. She runs out to his truck at some point when he is preoccupied before she goes to bed and takes the tape out and puts a new one in. This cycle continues for two and a half years. By doing this she discovers that he has two personalities. Everyone talks to himself or herself in the car or responds to a radio program aloud every now and then, but this guy carries on a conversation with himself. I've heard some of the tapes where he's like, "Eddie, you really need to find you a new bitch. I really think that's what you need to do. Fuck my old lady. Eddie, don't you think you need to find a new wife? I sure do, man." There was one segment where he was listening to a story on the news about some nuns that were killed here a little while back. It was a really sick story. (http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/South/03/26/nuns.abducted/) He says aloud in a serious voice, "I wish that shit would have happened to my fucking bitch. I fucking hate my wife. If they don't catch the guy that done it, maybe I could hire him to cut her head off too."
When she would go to switch the tapes, she would also write down any suspicious addresses off of his receipts that weren't in his path to and from work. He owns a gun, so she hid it from him and then hid the bullets in another place of the house...as if he could not buy a new one. She has found pills in drawers that are easily in their kids reach and she didn't know what they were. She always figured that he buys them off of the Filipino people he works with. She's taken some of the unlabeled ones to pharmacists to get an idea of what they were and had us call to find out what it would cost to have a pill analyzed for this one that she couldn't get any information on. She's convinced to this day that it's a roofie because she won't have sex with him more than once a month and only does that to keep him "quiet" because she's afraid he's going to bring home a disease. She also says she doesn't like sex and that if she doesn't give it to him at all then he will get hostile and violent with her. We still have the pill here in her file in a Ziploc bag. Her reasoning for all of this is she is afraid he will kill her if she tries to leave. She also wants to have as much as she can against him so that he has no hopes of getting custody of their son.
Fast forward to August of 2004. She brings in money and has a separation agreement drawn up and gets him to sign it. After almost two years of constant complaints and crying and whining about her safety and the safety of her kid, she suddenly has decided it's the "right time" to do this. Now I'm thinking at this point that something is up because she has been bitching for years but never actually done anything about it. I've told her to go to a shelter if she's that afraid, to stay with her mother temporarily, etc. But she's just one of those people who are always "victims" and always has a conspiracy theory. So anyway, they work out this agreement to where they would still both live in the same house, but stay in separate rooms and maintain their relationship as if they were roommates. This goes on for a while. She calls up at the end of March, then in April consistently saying she needs an addendum to the agreement done forcing him to move out of the house so that she will be allowed to stay there with their kid. This was taking awhile because obviously the husband was a little hesitant about agreeing to this. Eventually, in May they worked all the financial stuff out and he got an apartment and she's going to either A. give him his half of the house or B. they'll sell it and split the profits. She'll get no spousal support, no retirement, blah blah blah.
This is the good part. She wanted this done because she was pregnant...........with someone else's kid. She lived with this guy, her husband of about 8 years, up until she was almost 8 months pregnant and he didn't even notice...and no, she's not fat. She's actually really skinny and barely weighs 100 pounds. When she wanted to get that separation agreement all done up in August it was because she had gotten a job to work at while her son was at school, met someone AKA her boss, and started a relationship with him. She got pregnant very shortly after that and he stayed with her for a little while, but went to jail in January...for non-payment of child support. She had the baby in June. She hid this from her husband the entire time. When he would get home from work she would time it so she was sitting in her van talking to the neighbor so he could only see her from the chest up. She would leave after that and go over to her mom's house until he went to sleep. She has the baby now in the house with her and he still has absolutely no idea. This has been going on now for almost four months. He comes over now to pick the kid up and she sets it up for a time when the baby is taking a nap or makes plans for the baby to be at her mother's house.
We haven't heard from her here since July. I don't know if this is because she owes my boss $1,108 from the last bit of work he did for her or because he killed her. Or maybe because her "baby daddy" got out of jail and she took him to Jerry Springer so they could share the news with her soon to be ex-husband.
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-06-15 05:22:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
haha I have no idea what's going on here, but I've deduced through my super uber skills that Wildcat is a luh-hoo-hoo-hoooooooooooooooser
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at least people like jaypig have excuses like mental illness but that guy is a full grown loser.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-06-15 10:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'?' is better than 'No Comment' in this case.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-15 10:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a sad panda.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-06-15 05:22:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha I have no idea what's going on here, but I've deduced through my super uber skills that Wildcat is a luh-hoo-hoo-hoooooooooooooooser
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-14 19:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy Jaysus
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:29:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
I just call you and Retro a fag. Because, well, you look pretty fair and dainty like a wee little fairy. Except a fairy with a goatee. Which is kind of weird. And please explain how I'm the one that stalked him when I wasn't the one that got banned for the post.
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To be honest, I kinda enjoy being called a fag by people like you because I know that if we suddenly knew each other in reality, you'd most likely look like a fucking dumbass. Thank God, that will never happen because I usually stay away from little losers.
You seem to think a man who knows how to take care of himself is a fag, but that's the kind of neanderthal thinking that makes losers like you go through ego-crushing experiences like holding on to people who rejected them.
I bet she's fucking dudes on your couch while you're still hoping to come home and see that spark in her eyes.
You can keep calling people fags and use their first name like you own them, but we'll keep considering the source. And the source is a lonely powerless faggot whose life is out of control.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that response there Wildcat, that called deflection, its what happens when there is nothing you can say to counter the point I've made.
Listen I know guys like you, you act all big and bad and everyone should tip toe around you so you don't 'blow up' and then when she finally calls you on it you turn into a pathetic little teddybear...
'i'm sorry baby, i won't do it again'
'you said you loved me, love is forever, i know somewhere deep down you still want me'
Meanwhile the whole time shes trying not the throw up in your lap as she watches this once toughguy turn into a cramping little pussy.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep, you've got me. Right on. Oh how brilliant you are.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:29:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
so I'm starting to see your problem, you're an asshole and you've let it ruin something that you loved.
Now, instead of fixing it, you're just complaining about it.
So you're an asshole and you'll always be and asshole and likely will die alone...and what the fuck are you still doing in the house...she said its over...the whole situation sucks...I bet you still try to sneak in her room at night and get some while she sleeps...or at the very least sniff her dirty drawers.
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PWNÉ!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so I'm starting to see your problem, you're an asshole and you've let it ruin something that you loved.
Now, instead of fixing it, you're just complaining about it.
So you're an asshole and you'll always be and asshole and likely will die alone...and what the fuck are you still doing in the house...she said its over...the whole situation sucks...I bet you still try to sneak in her room at night and get some while she sleeps...or at the very least sniff her dirty drawers.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just call you and Retro a fag. Because, well, you look pretty fair and dainty like a wee little fairy. Except a fairy with a goatee. Which is kind of weird. And please explain how I'm the one that stalked him when I wasn't the one that got banned for the post.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:20:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Now you're taking the "I'm better" approach Badass? Say what you gotta say, it's just the internet. But just to confirm your suspicions, I do have a rage problem. I think most men can say that they have a breaking point in which they get this way. Living with someone that is so 'over' me and through with it all, regardless of biased facts or not, is essentially a level in which I'm seconds away from that point of rage at any given moment. Just think of what four years being flushed down the drain feels like. Or maybe even having worked a full time and part time job while going to school full time to pay bills and then being ignored once we bought a house. Or taking her child as my own since he was 1 year, 4 months and 24 days old and then hearing him asking me when I'm moving out. I mean, that's my perspective. I've already told you hers.
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So you manage your mental issues by calling people fags on the Internet or stalk them? If that is your solution to problems, it's no wonder your life is so much shit.
Anyway...when are you moving out?! lololol
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now you're taking the "I'm better" approach Badass? Say what you gotta say, it's just the internet. But just to confirm your suspicions, I do have a rage problem. I think most men can say that they have a breaking point in which they get this way. Living with someone that is so 'over' me and through with it all, regardless of biased facts or not, is essentially a level in which I'm seconds away from that point of rage at any given moment. Just think of what four years being flushed down the drain feels like. Or maybe even having worked a full time and part time job while going to school full time to pay bills and then being ignored once we bought a house. Or taking her child as my own since he was 1 year, 4 months and 24 days old and then hearing him asking me when I'm moving out. I mean, that's my perspective. I've already told you hers.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:09:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
I know I seem like a douche but it's pretty sad someone spent a dollar for the uberboard. That's really, really sad. """
Don't blame me. I haven't got a new paypal account since my credit card got stolen. Perhaps it's her. :-O
Besides, you guys wouldn't have a chance with her. She's too good for you dorky internet trolls."""
Did YOU just call someone dorky?
And she hates the French."""
She might hate the French, but I'm willing to bet she knows better than you (she left you after all) and will know that Canada isn't France.
Sory Alain. """
Still getting horny over people's names, are we? But I understand cyber-leverage makes you feel almighty.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:08:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:34:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:32:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
probably, that and he looks like he smells like cheeseburgers.
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what kind of cheeseburgers? McDonald ones have a very distinct annoying smell.
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5 bucks says it's Smegma burgers.
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HAHAHAHA
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:04:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
We still live in the house we bought, actually."""
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It must be hard living in a house with someone who rejected you. You must really feel powerless.
Now I understand where you're coming from.
Next time I see you call people fags and use their real names, I'll make sure to remember that you live in a castrating situation and that you need this to feel better about yourself. And all that time I thought you were a retard...I'm sorry.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH I spent the dollar and if you mentioned it once it was worth it, matter of fact I made about 14 of them in the time it took me to do the uberboard.
I'm not sure your correlation between me posting pictures of my daughter (allegedly) and me having an obsession.
I don't really want your fatassed chick I just like watching you get riled up, kind of like those old cartoons where I put my hand on your forehead and hold you at bay while you swing wildly like a retard.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know I seem like a douche but it's pretty sad someone spent a dollar for the uberboard. That's really, really sad.
Besides, you guys wouldn't have a chance with her. She's too good for you dorky internet trolls. And she hates the French. Sory Alain. And Badass, why the obsession? You're married and post pictures of your daughter on the net. Strange.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:34:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:32:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
probably, that and he looks like he smells like cheeseburgers.
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what kind of cheeseburgers? McDonald ones have a very distinct annoying smell.
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5 bucks says it's Smegma burgers.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:02:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, do you smell something...I swear I just caught a hint of cheeseburger.
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HAHAHAHA
Why yes I do!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:00:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet he harasses her too. After all, he's the one who got all horny when he found out about Shlongy's personal info and some people's name.
He even called Shlongy one night. Imagine how obsessed he must be in reality :-O
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no worries, Jeanneee and I are going to conference-call you this week, Alain.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps she has a 'short man' fetish and upon comparing Wildcat to Shlongy she opted for the guy with the money.
I'll try to get a confirmation on that.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We still live in the house we bought, actually. I mean really, how far are you going to take the speculations? How about, I killed her and there's actually a reason that she only posted once and my recent post is more a lament and longing for her rather than a sad attempt at catharsis? How about this: I invented the whole thing and she's actually my alter.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:01:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul, you just love throwing shitty rumors around don't you? You're like a little chihuahua behind a screen door. Let it go already.
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Poodle would be more accurate.
And for someone who is obsessed with Internet people's personal lives, you sound strangely irritated, right now.
So tell me, why did she dump you?
Is that when you decided to call Shlongy...so you could cry in his ears?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's right.
She probably had to go into some sort of witness protection program...probably restraining orders and such.
By the way, do you smell something...I swear I just caught a hint of cheeseburger.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul, you just love throwing shitty rumors around don't you? You're like a little chihuahua behind a screen door. Let it go already.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet he harasses her too. After all, he's the one who got all horny when he found out about Shlongy's personal info and some people's name.
He even called Shlongy one night. Imagine how obsessed he must be in reality :-O
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love the psycho-analyzing that's going on by you two retards. Keep going, it's good.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*replies
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could be that. I have to admit his reply strangely reminded me of trisomy 21.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could be that he's just a dipshit, I mean you've seen the douche try to argue a point its like watching a kid with down's trying to tie his shoes.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:45:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well it could have been his anger issues, that little Mary is awfully easy to rile up. Perhaps he hit her and then she beat the living shit out of him.
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He seems to have a lot animosity toward homosexuality. He has a lot of repressed feelings.
Her instinct might have felt that he was not a good future mating partner.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well it could have been his anger issues, that little Mary is awfully easy to rile up. Perhaps he hit her and then she beat the living shit out of him.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or maybe he smells like those people who marinate in their own farts for days, playing world of warcraft.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah most likely MacDonalds, with some funky ass like Linburger cheese.
OR toe cheese...he does look like you could smell his toe cheese.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:32:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
probably, that and he looks like he smells like cheeseburgers.
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what kind of cheeseburgers? McDonald ones have a very distinct annoying smell.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
probably, that and he looks like he smells like cheeseburgers.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey badass, do you think WildCat had a small dick or something?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
when you're done with badass, email me at method373.at.gmail.com
who knows, we might get along.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can understand how debilitating it must've felt to be fianced to this flacid insecure effeminate man. And he was short.
You shouldn't feel guilty for running away.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear you and Wildcat are on the outs, I've seen a picture of your ass...wanna hang out sometime?
Email me at uberbadassmofo.at.gmail.com, we'll get freaky.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-03 18:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mrs.Love (user info) at 2005-11-03 15:19:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
old men are sexy. so are bald men. but you are a butthole, so you only get a +1.
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+2 because I think you are just adorable!
Submitted by Mrs.Love (user info) at 2005-10-25 13:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess you only read and comprehended what you wanted to...but then again, little bitches usually do.
Submitted by Magickmuse (user info) at 2005-10-06 00:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
She wanted this done because she was pregnant...........with someone else's kid.
What the fuck is that?
It should be
She wanted this done because she was pregnant with someone else's kid.
One sentence moron girl.
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
truth = much fucking stranger
Submitted by moopadoopdoop (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
tl;dr
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:21:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys are nuts, this was good.
At least she didn't do the 'OH MI GAWD ITZ MI 1RST POST LIEK DONT -2DIE BITCH ME! HERE IZ A PIC OF MY ANAL BEADS ROTFLMAOCOPTER ROXXXXXORZ!'
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys are nuts, this was good.
At least she didn't do the 'OH MI GAWD ITZ MI 1RST POST LIEK DONT -2DIE BITCH ME! HERE IZ A PIC OF MY ANAL BEADS ROTFLMAOCOPTER ROXXXXXORZ!'
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's pretty good, actually - post more of these....
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:11:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
.Since it's your first post and precedent dictates that I'm supposed to give you a -2DIE, I'll neutralize it with a 0 because that's a serious amount of typing. Oh yeah, that lady's a fucked up woman!
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-09-28 15:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
.Since it's your first post and precedent dictates that I'm supposed to give you a -2DIE, I'll neutralize it with a 0 because that's a serious amount of typing. Oh yeah, that lady's a fucked up woman.