The Latest in Bo Bice News (SFW!) (1130 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.91 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by _Q_ (View user info) at 2005-09-29 11:10:56 EDT
It's been a long time since we've heard anything from America's Sweetheart, Bo Bice. In fact, here is a link to my most recent tribute to the world's undisputed champion of rocking so hard he needs to change socks mid-act (http://www.ubersite.com/m/67171).
As a matter of fact, I think the last thing I heard about him was how he broke his ankle doing a wicked triple backflip off of a llama during a stage show held exclusively for kids with terminal illnesses and parents who voted for G. W. Bush. Of course, he used his wolverine like powers to heal immediately, but I heard he kept faking that he was hurt because the nurse that was attending to him was a major babe.
She said, "Oh Bo, your scruffy good looks are too much for me to ignore. Would you like a sponge bath?", sources have told me.
But like an honest cowboy atop a white horse, Bo kept his intentions pure and rode on into the sunset after he was sufficently sponged.
However fate would see to it that these two would meet again by sending Bo to the same hospital due to a severe blockage in his intestine (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9052963). Sources tell me that it was from eating at Reuben Studdard's house for Thanksgiving, but can you blame a guy? Reuben's
After undergoing surgery, Bo had to be put into a full body cast because doctors didn't want anything to happen to the most precious man on earth since Christ Himself. When the cast was removed, you can believe who was there to administer that first sponge bath. You would've thought Bo would be stinky, but a glorious aroma of rosehips and honey blew forth like a fresh mountain breeze when the cast was open. His body was covered head to toe with long, lustrious hair.
It was from that point on that Bo and his nurse would be married.
Anyways, the big news is that Bo and that same nurse now have a child! Read on:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9495691/
In order to celebrate this momentous occasion, the Boston Red Sox offered Bo and his wife the honour of delivering the opening pitch against the Toronto Blue Jays. Here they are pictured below, with Bo in the middle of the stretch of what would be an astounding 110 mph corkscrew ball (previously theorized by looney tunes animators but never achieved until now) while his tired wife looks on with pride in her eyes.
Christopher Walken was the celebrity originally scheduled to toss the opening pitch, but contacted the Red Sox orginization upon hearing the news. "First Tony Danza is a grandpa and now this!? Being a new father is one of the most beautiful things that can happen to a man, but when a man like Bo is a new father it is one of the most beautiful things that can happen to mankind. Of course it was a small token to offer Bo my opening pitch, an act that I've been dreaming of performing for nearly half a century, but it is a start."
What can I say? I guess Bo truly does bring out the best in all of us.
User Reviews
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-09-29 22:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
har har wookie
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-29 18:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SOB
*I* wanted to have his love child... now his wife has gone and done it, there is no use for me to be in the world anymore...
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-09-29 18:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah Bo!! Again, never a disappointment reading your stories, Q.
Peace. SSV
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-09-29 16:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
have you heard of the quasiturbine engine?
what do you think?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-29 15:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent
Submitted by NOWorNEVER (user info) at 2005-09-29 13:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by glasscock (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:11:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
still think he should have won
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-09-29 13:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bob Ice!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-09-29 12:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, Aiden. The best name in the world. Even if they spelled it wrong.
Best part about this piece is that I can't tell i fyou're being sarcastic, or if you just adore Bo Bice.
Constantine would have whupped his ass in a battle of fisticuffs.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-09-29 12:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is disturbing
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-09-29 12:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it sad that I already knew all about this because it was all over theforce.net this morning?
Nevermind, please don't answer that question. I already know the truth.
-Geekphah
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-09-29 12:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, good lord! Hardy har har!
About the Caroline Fisher thing... is that true? Shouldn't it be Caroline Bice? No? Only joking? I didn't get that? Who does this Siren jerk think she is? Making an ass of myself? Well fuck you!!!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bo rules the world with an iron fist in a leather glove.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's sad that that picture was taken at Fenway Park.
The Sox are better than that, damnit.
Trick ass Red Sox management ain't got no sense.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bo rocks out with his cock out.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dad!?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought you where English.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
they say in heaven love comes first.
I say bo bice is heaven on earth.
actually I didn't watch that season.
fantasia p\/\/n$ j00!
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love that his wife's name is actually caroline fisher.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! It's funny cuz it's true!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bob ice? who the fuck is that?
Submitted by glasscock (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
still think he should have won