The day I was violated by a nasty stripper (1132 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.11 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CrazyCanuck (View user info) at 2005-09-29 11:32:59 EDT
I come from a small Western Canada town. Before I moved to the US my strip club experience was very minimal. I had been to the French Maid in Calgary, and it was a fabulous experience. It was clean and the women were beautiful. I always had high hopes that they were all going to be like this. Boy was I wrong.
I then moved to a Mid West State and was going to a small Junior College in a shitty little town. After two years there, I then went to college in an even shittier town in one of the worst states this country has to offer.
After I was there for a while, a few of my teammates would laugh and joke about this one particular strip club in town about how bad it was. Now, there were three strip clubs in town. Strip Club #1 was bad, #2 was worse and #3 was f-ing horrible. The name of it was Stockmen's (which should give a little insight of what it was like).
So one day, a couple of buddies and I decide to go and check it out and see just how bad it really was. Once we get there we head on in. It was pretty much empty, it was dark and dingy and the stage was actually set up to look like a corral. There was a very large unattractive women sitting near the door, an older woman was the bartender, she definitely looked like she had been through some rough times and the girl dancing was a greasy white trash chick that really had no business taking her clothes off for anyone for any reason other than some crazy life or death situation. Even then I wouldn't advise it.
So as we walk in the lady by the door says she needs to see our ID's. Juice and Benny walked over to the bartender to show theirs and I stopped at the lady at the door. She was the one who asked. So I get my ID out to hand it over to her when all of a sudden I fell this extremely unattractive, mostly toothless woman reach over and grab my nut sack and give it a squeeze then proceed to say "Yeah, this one's old enough". I guess the look on my face was quite amusing because my buddies couldn't stop laughing for quite some time and they let me have it for quite some time after that.
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-09-29 18:29:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that is horrible. But yes, the french maid in Calgary is good, the beer flows freely, and you can see snatch inches away from your face. Some states won't even sell booze if the strippers show their nipples. We have pussy and titties galore and all the beer we can drink.
Submitted by CrazyCanuck (user info) at 2005-09-29 16:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wasn't Nebraska either.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2005-09-29 16:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's what happens when you go to Nebraska.
Fuggin' inbreeders.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-09-29 15:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-09-29 15:26:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
aberdeen sd?
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You Americans and your crazy name-stealing. I had to do a double-take there.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-29 15:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How many lapdances did you get from her - don't lie, it was four, wasn't it?
Submitted by CrazyCanuck (user info) at 2005-09-29 15:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, not Aberdeen.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-09-29 15:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aberdeen sd?
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-09-29 13:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that it?
That's your strip club story?
Man you need to learn to either
A) Have more fun
or
B) Tell a better story
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-09-29 12:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-09-29 12:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:48:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:35:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, sounds like my plans for Ubercon london.......
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It had better not be.
Otherwise I'm bailing when the pub closes.
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Don't you worry about a thing princess, Berty will look after you and make sure your honour is intact for you're wedding night.
Just remember the deal.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ewww... that's unfortunate. But hey, action is action, buddy.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:35:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, sounds like my plans for Ubercon london.......
----------------
It had better not be.
Otherwise I'm bailing when the pub closes.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
really had no business taking her clothes off for anyone for any reason other than some crazy life or death situation. Even then I wouldn't advise it.
That sealed the +2 right there.
I have been to 3 strip clubs in canada. Two were awesome (one in Toronto, one in Montreal), the third however was the worst thit hole ever. They put porn on the TV between the girls "dances" which consisted of overweitght middle aged women rolling on the stage to songs like Celine Dion's Titanic song. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 nutsack squeezing!
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This could have been sooooo much better.
Work on it.
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The least you could have done was lie to make this more interesting.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ew, gross
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mega-meh.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, sounds like my plans for Ubercon london.......
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i still get made fun of for my first strip club experience.
i was really drunk at the time.
actually, my friends took me to another strip club on that same day. my friend bought me a lapdance but before the chick had time to come over, i ran to the bathroom, vomitting the whole way.