After the Pandemic: The Enemy of My Enemy (part 25): Come Out and Play (1128 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.95 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Caes (View user info) at 2005-09-30 13:02:49 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61238 -- Introduction -- Jack McCallum
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61350 -- Variant C -- Jack McCallum
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61505 -- Part 1: Brianna
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61614 -- Part 2: Khalid
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63145 -- Part 3: The Meeting
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63504 -- Part 4: The Conversation
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63663 -- Part 5: The Story of Manhattan
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64024 -- Part 6: On the Streets of Jersey
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64325 -- Part 7: Tome
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64611 -- Part 8: Faing
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65301 -- Part 9: The Gathering
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65871 -- Part 10: Men Amongst Giants
http://www.ubersite.com/m/66684 -- Part 11: The Temptress and The Aristocrat
http://www.ubersite.com/m/66752 -- Part 12: Trial by Blood
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67296 -- Part 13: Words and Swords
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67769 -- Part 14: Details and Divinity
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68760 -- Part 15: Into the Breach
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69588 -- Part 16: The Ambassador of New York
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69741 -- Part 17: The Devil in the Details
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70550 -- Part 18: The Joker's Wild
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71764 -- Part 19: The Remnants
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72757 -- Part 20: From Below
http://www.ubersite.com/m/73718 -- Part 21: Rise and Shine
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74077 -- Part 22: Hush Little Baby
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74577 -- Part 23: The Prince and the Aristocrat
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75490 -- Part 24: The Empty State Building
Brianna shuddered. She was in a black room. There was no furniture, no light, no sound. Only blackness. Her hands and feet felt like cinder blocks. She couldn't move them, she wasn't strong enough. Shadows whisked around in the darkness, circling her with oily smiles and wet tongues. She swore at them and gnashed her teeth but they only chuckled at her like she was a teething puppy.
One of the shadows circled closer. It stood overtop of her and whispered her name with poisoned promise. Its fingers bit into her shoulders. It repeated her name over and over, and shook her roughly. She bounced against the spongy void and cursed it. The shadow said its name was Bryan.
"Bree!"
The shadows lightened to a thick gray.
"Brianna!"
She knew that voice.
Her mouth felt full of sand and cotton. It felt like there was a cannonball where her head should be. Her eyes slowly opened.
"Oh thank god." The voice's owner slumped against her and held her tight. If she weren't so numb from the drugs, she would have been worried about breaking a rib.
"Tyler?" She mumbled.
"Yeah." He sniffed. He was crying. Tyler never cries. "Are you okay? Did they...did they hurt you?"
She closed her eyes. The memory of it suddenly appeared, not like a flood, but like it had been there all along, an ugly squatting thing in the corner that she only just noticed. A single tear squeezed down her cheek.
"No baby. They didn't hurt me." Her lips stretched into a small, trembling smile. "You would have been proud."
"Honey, I'm already so proud of you I can barely stand it." He kissed her on the cheek, then softly on the lips. His kisses tingled warmly on her skin.
The lovers stared at each other in a shared moment where time had no meaning. It lasted forever and lasted not at all. Tyler smoothed her hair, and Brianna trailed her fingers lightly along his arm.
"Tyler?"
"Yeah?"
"You look like shit."
*********
The remainder of the Luke forces gathered in Khalid's once-prison. They had almost doubled their human numbers with all the prisoners they had freed from the breeding pens. Some of them had been captive too long - they stared at their liberators with dull eyes and followed their commands with the meek compliance of sheep, because they no longer knew how to do anything else. The Lukers left those broken ones in their quarters. They needed fire and will and hate, and there was none to find there.
There were not enough weapons for them, so they improvised with chair legs, pipes, and various implements. They gathered together with their own, with their unisex dresses and puny weapons. They exuded a strange air of manic calm. This was their chance for freedom, or death. Most welcomed either option equally.
Khalid gathered what he could find, which was very little. He found his boots and his pendant, but his shirt and coat were ruined. The thing he missed most was his scimitar. It had been with him for centuries, and in his family for centuries before that. Ultimately, it was of no strategic consequence. He could pick up weapons off the hybrids he killed. And he was looking forward to using his hands.
The spike was removed from Katsuo's heart. They had hastily stitched up the Doctor's exploratory wounds and given him some blood, but it would likely be a few nights before he would recover. For now they left him in a corner of the room, his katana at his side. Khalid was tempted to borrow his blade, but it was not proper. The samurai's sword is a piece of his soul, and to separate him from it would bring great shame.
Svetlana and Abayome stood with him, but the Russian was weak. Khalid was not confident that she would be able to transform into a useful shape for the upcoming battle. But there was nowhere else for her to go.
As he was making ready, he saw Tyler and Brianna come through the door with an armed squad of escorts. Khalid's heart sang at the sight of her, but one look into her eyes and his face fell. She had changed. The strength within her had not died, but no longer was it the strength of a hearty flower. Now it was the strength of barbed wire, of knotted wood. At once Khalid was overcome by sadness and pride. She had not been broken like those hollow sacks left in the pens. She had persevered and emerged in triumph. But the price had been her innocence, and the mirth behind her smile. A heavy toll indeed.
She embraced him briefly as she came near. He stroked her hair and whispered a blessing in Arabic. She smiled weakly and returned to Tyler's side. Khalid and Tyler nodded to each other in acknowledgment.
"Khaal-eeed." Domokos voice slithered to him from the corner. He held a plump rat delicately in his gnarled fingers. "They are coming. They have found the bodiesss and sssearch for usss."
"Pfah!" Khalid spat on the floor. "We shall not be difficult to find. We take this battle to them, and will not relent until the result is doom for one of us." He pointed to Tyler. "Are we in agreement?"
"Damn straight we are." His reply came without hesitation.
The Arab turned and addressed the motley group of warriors. His spread his arms wide to gather everyone's attention, and when he spoke his voice rolled across the room like the ominous thunder before a storm.
"Comrades. Steady yourselves. The enemy draws near to beat us back once more. But this time we will not be chased off. We will not run like startled dogs. We will fight the Butcher and his rotting ilk. This is your world," he swept his hand across his audience. "Not his. If he wishes to take your world, we must at least make him earn it. Show no mercy, for none will be shown to us.
"No mercy. No retreat. No fear.
"No surrender." He paused and looked at them with seething eyes.
"A man is a lion in his own cause. Tonight let us show this upstart that he tangles with lions."
************
It wasn't long before they met the enemy. As they rounded a corner on their way to the elevators, a patrol of variants came into view.
A large patrol.
The two groups stood there, squared off against each other in an absurdly macabre high-noon showdown. The variants smiled in greedy anticipation. More than a few of the invaders smiled back.
Commander Quill stepped forward. "There you are, Khalid. And you've brought your meatsack friends. Come to take another poke at us, hey?"
"You promised we would have a conversation, you and I." Khalid spoke. "Will you come forward and discuss with me? Or does your leash not reach this far?"
Quill's eyes narrowed. "I've got something that you might remember from before." He stroked the barrel of his shotgun like a pet. "It makes a very convincing case."
"Come then," Khalid grinned terribly. "Let us reason together."
"The sand-nigger is mine," he grumbled to his men. "Do what you want with the rest, but put the prisoners back in their cells." They started their march.
Faing's eyes lit up and he pointed his finger to the ceiling. He spoke quietly into Domokos' ear. "I've a beaut of an idea, so I have. Trost me!" He grabbed the vampyre by the back of his robes and hoisted him in the air. Domokos hissed in surprise.
"What are you doing?"
"Saw it inna yank comic!" the Scot hollered, and then hurled Domokos at the oncoming horde. Domokos landed amongst the horde three rows deep, ripping and tearing before he even hit the ground.
"Too right!" Faing beamed. "'Ave a right go with it, yeh scarry wee beastie!"
"ATTACK!" Khalid thundered.
The humans opened fire as the vampyre forces charged the enemy, baring their fangs and roaring like monsters from the darkest of nightmares. With one hand, Faing tore a door off its hinges and stomped ahead like a furry snowplow, bowling a dozen hybrids over in his initial rush. Soon he was in the thick of them, swinging his wrecking ball fists and bellowing in excitement.
"'Let's go, yeh pussy bastards!! Ye're a shower o' cunts, the lot of ya! SHOWER OF CUNTS!"
The invaders fought with righteous anger and furious determination. Nate's arm was broken in a struggle with a tubby veecee, but he didn't even flinch. He switched his gun to his good arm and blasted five shots into the creature's eyes. Brianna's hands did not shake. This time her breath was hot and steady, and she was not afraid. Tyler didn't' feel his rib grinding in his chest. Abayome's laughter carried over the battle cries as she tore into the ranks with malevolent joy, an irresistible Queen of Murder. Svetlana had managed to partially transform her fingers into bear-like paws. Her lips moved as she attacked, but only a gutteral sound emerged from the wound Vilhelm had punched into her throat.
A variant lunged towards Khalid with an axe. The Arab stepped to the side, letting the axe bury itself in the floor. He reached around the hybrid's face and twisted his head around 270 degrees.
He heard a familiar sound, one that he remembered well.
Chikk-chk.
Khalid pulled the paralyzed variant up between himself and the source of the sound. A fraction of a second later the retort of a shotgun sounded off and hundreds of pellets buried themselves into its chest. Khalid shoved him forward, bowling Commander Quill over. Quill threw the useless weight off him and brought his Mossberg to bear.
Khalid was ready. He snatched the weapon out of his hands and kicked the Commander square in the face. Quill scrambled to his feet. Khalid was holding the shotgun by the barrel with the business end pointing to the ceiling. He looked at it like it offended him. His eyes locked with Quill's. The barrel became red hot in his hand. In a few seconds, the portion he was holding turned to gooey liquid, and the Mossberg fell to the floor.
"Now you must do the talking yourself."
"You're gonna wish you kept that." Quill opened up the Commander's jacket he was wearing. He reached to his hip and unsheathed a gleaming scimitar.
"Recognize this?" He swung the blade in a figure eight pattern.
Khalid did not answer. He tugged the axe out of the floor.
"Spoils o' war, camel-jerker! Rrrrahh!"
Quill swung the scimitar in a rising diagonal arc, then reversed the direction and slashed back down the same path. Khalid held the axe at both ends and blocked with the handle. Quill grabbed onto the axe handle with his free hand and pulled the weapon to the side, then slashed with his sword. Khalid released one hand from the axe and caught Quill by the wrist, stepping inside the flashing arc. The two were inches apart.
Sparks danced across Khalid's view as Quill's scabbing forehead rammed into his. Quill kicked Khalid in the stomach. The force flung him away, half-imbedding the former Prince into the wall. Quill held both weapons in his hands.
"Haaa!" He hurled the axe at the Arab.
Khalid watched it spin end over end towards his heart. He placed his hands over his chest, palms facing Quill, touching the first fingers and thumbs on each hand with each other to make a triangle shape. An instant before the axe hit, he pushed his hands forward. The axe rebounded off the nothingness of air as if it hit a rubber wall and returned to its point of origin.
Quill grunted as the axe slammed into his chest, breaking three ribs and his clavicle. "FUCK!" He tore the axe out of his flesh and threw it aside, just in time to see his adversary rocketing towards him. Khalid plowed into the Commander at top speed. The momentum took them both through the opposite wall, blasting through drywall and timber like papier-mâché.
Before Quill could cough the debris out of his mouth, Khalid slapped his palm against his chest and squeezed. Quill smelled the burning rot before he felt it. The Arab's hand sizzled on his flesh. Quill punched Khalid across the face with the hilt of his scimitar, gaining some space between them. He managed to get both feet under Khalid's hips and kicked up for all he was worth. Khalid launched vertically like he had been sitting in an ejector seat. He crunched against the ceiling, not quite hitting it hard enough to break through to the next floor.
Khalid landed on his feet in a shower of dust, the fingertips of one hand touching the floor. Quill had already rolled to the side and had found his footing. He looked down. His vest had been burned away. There was a hand-shaped wound smoking on his chest.
Khalid crouched low to the ground, circling his prey. "You bear my mark, kalb. Mutt, you belong to me now."
Suddenly the remains of the wall they had plowed through exploded at them, as if it had been struck from the outside by a force of nature. And it had. A stout, red-furred force of nature with a variant in each hand and three clinging to his back had rudely interrupted the discussion at hand.
Five more variants ran into the room, dog piling on the mass of Scottish mayhem that was disassembling the Butcher's home guard. Faing backhanded a hybrid and sent his head bouncing off the far wall, unburdened of its body. Two more went down with crushed spines. Through the shouts and the screams a thick brogue carried clear on the air:
"Shower o' cunts! Shower o' cunts!"
Khalid found himself fending off two variants who were searching for a less problematic target. With a lightning quick snag, he disarmed one opponent and used his machete to decapitate the other. Before his original attacker could recover, Khalid sunk the borrowed machete into his heart and caved in the front of his skull with a powerful punch. The body fell like a curtain, revealing rapid movement behind it.
Before Khalid knew it, he was face to face with Quill and falling back on his heels as he advanced. His momentum abruptly stopped as his back slammed into a stout pillar.
There was a pain in his stomach. Khalid looked down and saw his scimitar buried into his body to the hilt, pinning him to the spot. Khalid clamped his fingers around the variant's wrists. The air trapped between their locked stares hummed.
"You feel that?" Quill yanked the blade out of the pillar. Khalid hissed through gritted teeth as the Commander wiggled it around in his belly. Quill smirked at him through cracked lips. "Yeah, you feel that."
Khalid winced and tried to gather his will, but the cold thing writhing in his guts slammed against his concentration like a blacksmith's hammer.
Slowly, with unstoppable power, Quill began to twist the sword. Khalid tried to lock his hands in place, but he wasn't strong enough. In a few agonizing seconds, Quill had the edge of the weapon turned up and aimed at the vampyre's heart. Then he began to pull the sword up.
With the inexorable speed of a glacier, the blade began to cut through Khalid's flesh. The Arab's hands shook and began to smolder against Quill's flesh. Smoke began to twist in between their faces.
Quill heard the sound of frying bacon and grinned. "Hehhhh. Go on, burn me. I can take it." His eyes never broke away from Khalid's dark glare. The blade continued to rise.
And rise.
A lesser weapon would have been blocked by its victim's ribs. But the bloodletter's scimitar was sharper than the devil's tongue, and cut through Khalid's bones like the branches of a sapling.
Quill was only a few inches from murdering this arrogant shit. Almost there. His wrists were charred and burning, but that didn't' matter. Then he heard a strange humming. It grew louder, until he realized it was coming from Khalid. Their gaze had not been broken, and the Arab's face was a mask of grim tension, but his eyes were big as golf balls.
The humming grew to a throaty cry, and then abruptly, the Arab screamed in his face with an ear-splitting challenge. Quill was pushed back by an invisible force and found himself looking at his shoes in mid air. He came down on his back but found his stance in less than an instant.
The Arab stood in the same place, some fifteen feet away, scimitar still imbedded in his body. His eyes seethed with a fire that a thousand oceans could not put out. The air rippled above him. Without breaking his burning glare, Khalid Ibn as-Saffah slid the sword out of his flesh. He spun it in a tight half circle, flecking his blood off the steel.
He said nothing. The fighting had moved on, leaving them alone with each other.
Quill snarled and charged with a war cry. Khalid bared his teeth. Steel flashed through the air faster than the eye could track it.
Quill blinked. He had lost sight of Khalid, but he saw his own legs over there. How was that possible?
"Wha - ?" He looked at himself. The Commander had tumbled to the floor in four pieces. The only thing attached to his body was his head. His arms had been struck off and he had been cut in half at the waist. "How...?"
Quill watched as Khalid gathered up his arms and lower body. He tore a strip of clothing off from a dead variant and packaged the severed appendages together. "Those are my legs!" He shouted. "What are you doing with them? Buh, bring them back!"
"Your limbs are mine now. 'The spoils of war.'" Khalid paused to pull his scabbard off of Quill's waist and tie it around his own. He wiped the scimitar with a strip of cloth, and sheathed it on his hip. He wrapped the remainder of the cloth around his stomach as a bandage. Hefting his grisly prizes, he began to walk away, towards the sounds of battle.
"Where are you going with those?? I need those!! Come back!!"
Khalid turned his head and spoke over his shoulder. "I'm glad we had this discussion, Commander."
************
"YEEEE-Haaaww!!" Cash whooped as he fired his irons. The fight was still raging, but the direction of the tide was clear. "We got 'em on the run now!" Cash said to Tyler with a grin. Tyler nodded back, too tired to be enthusiastic. His ribs complained every time his assault rifle kicked.
Bodies were scattered everywhere, the recently deceased tangled with the things that died long ago. This time surprise favored the invaders. This time they didn't fight with the desperation for survival, but with the fire for revenge; with hate, and guts, and a flat out refusal to die. There was no fear in any heart that still beat.
Bashir drove two daggers into a variant's eyes, then slipped one between his ribs. His eyes prowled the landscape in search of another victim as this one sagged to the floor. Suddenly he froze.
Tyler spent enough time on the run with Bashir in the sewers to trust his instincts. "What is it?"
"Something comes for us."
"What? What's happening?" Tyler heard an unearthly bellow rumble through the halls. "The fuck is THAT?"
A massive figure, trailed by smaller figures, appeared from the direction of the elevators. It was the Butcher, with reinforcements.
"INVADERS!!" The voice was like a collapsing building.
"Sheee-it," the cowboy smirked, reloading. "Business is about to pick up."
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-06 11:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-12-17 07:35:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
notyou's got it.
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-12-16 19:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Warrrrrrioorrrrssss.. come out and plaaaaaeeeaaaaaayyyy!!
Warrrrrrioorrrrssss.. come out and plaaaaaeeeaaaaaayyyy!!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-02 09:54:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'the mass of Scottish mayhem'
Damn straight.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 04:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid four pages of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-10-13 15:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've just posted the next installment and i wanted a recap. I can confirm it's still great after a second read.
Now onto the next one
<rubs hands in glee>
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-10-12 12:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-07 14:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry hcp -- it'll probably be another week. I've been busy...
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-10-07 12:55:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AGHHHH when is the next one I can't wait anymore!!
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-10-07 11:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, yes, yes.
This is so fucking great.
I will re-read and provide decent feedback at a later date.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-05 00:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whoa, this post has shocks, pegs, vampires...luuucky!
Submitted by Viper_04 (user info) at 2005-10-05 00:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I.....love....this.....series....!
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2005-10-04 08:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-04 07:56:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Pissed off?! Not at all. I enjoy getting good criticism (i.e. something a little more substantial than, "You suck, -2DIE.").
I see your point on the fights, but it's a fine line to me. As a reader, I'd hate to get worked up for a big showdown, and then have the author essentially go, "They clashed swords, and then he cut his head off." So I do detailed descriptions for the big fights and gloss over everything else -- that's why only Khalid's fight had any detail to it.
I like writing fight scenes, but I find it hard to do without getting too descriptive and boring. Glad you enjoyed the post...must have been weird to jump into one of the last portions of a big story like that.
Thanks again for the criticism.
______________________________________________________________
Yep, I was thinking of Khalid's fight. I think part of it was me being new to the series, like you said.
I definately liked the details, though...this in particular:
"The memory of it suddenly appeared, not like a flood, but like it had been there all along, an ugly squatting thing in the corner that she only just noticed. A single tear squeezed down her cheek."
It was nice to see someone avoid the "flood of memories" cliche.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-04 07:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pissed off?! Not at all. I enjoy getting good criticism (i.e. something a little more substantial than, "You suck, -2DIE.").
I see your point on the fights, but it's a fine line to me. As a reader, I'd hate to get worked up for a big showdown, and then have the author essentially go, "They clashed swords, and then he cut his head off." So I do detailed descriptions for the big fights and gloss over everything else -- that's why only Khalid's fight had any detail to it.
I like writing fight scenes, but I find it hard to do without getting too descriptive and boring. Glad you enjoyed the post...must have been weird to jump into one of the last portions of a big story like that.
Thanks again for the criticism.
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2005-10-04 07:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really enjoyable. Only one bit of advice. Try leaving more of the individual battles to the imagination. It's fine to discuss the death blow, since that is what gives the reader the emotional response, and I wouldn't suggest you avoid any details, but the less is more approach really works well with hand to hand fights.
Good examples of this are in the "Lord of the Rings" books, and the Homeric epics--the Illiad specifically.
Hope this didn't piss you off. I really did like this. I'll be sure to catch the next one.
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2005-10-04 07:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-04 07:20:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
And lo, he came to his seat of power, and peace fell upon the land.
Why is Manic in the same group as the date rapist and the kid who won't stop talking shit? What did she ever do?
___________________________________________________________
Nothing, I'm aware of.
First, I liked the attitude in her face. Second, Mystiamoon's picture was too washed out and I couldn't fix it.
Now, I'll read this.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-03 12:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me likey.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-10-02 23:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very cool action. I think the fight with the butcher is going to be huge. Khalid is probably my favourite character out of all the Uber series that I have read.
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-10-01 12:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-10-01 07:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-10-01 07:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOVE
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-10-01 07:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KHALID
Submitted by Rasta (user info) at 2005-10-01 02:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love it. Wrap em' up in a package and I would buy the book. I can't wait for the butcher fight.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-30 17:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hail Caesar
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-09-30 16:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was yet another great installment!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-30 15:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tim: I wanted to focus more on Khalid's badassery than anyone else's in this bit. I deliberately kept him out of a fair bit if the action, so whenever he kicks ass, it's cool and not just par for the course.
Bob, I hear what you're saying, but I liked that paragraph. I didn't dwell on it much, I only wanted to point out how a traumatic experience will usually harden a person. I probably shouldn't have said 'the cost was her innocence,' that might have been overdoing it. Ah well. Thanks for the criticism.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-09-30 15:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loved it.
loved the description of brianna being a badass how, but i wish you showed it more. there was only one line where i thought "she's badass'
also, khalid hasn't been this badass since chapter 1
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didnt really like the beginning but it picked up.
shit like "she lost her innocence" just annoys me now.
i guess ive read too many shitty, chiche filled stories by now.
still, good shit.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:08:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
I read it and commented. Not bad, dude. Hell can't be all bad if it's got half naked demon babes like that.
---------------------
I replied on my post and by the way...
NEEDS MORE HEATHER!!!
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:24:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Next installment will be a while in the making. I don't know when my next day off is, and I'll be out of town and computer-less for a few days. Sorry guys, I really wish I could churn these out a little faster. Thanks for all your comments!
_________________________
Take your time, I appreciate the quality.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:09:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
PS - Everyone in my office thinks I'm a jackass cause this got me braying.
"Shower o' cunts! Shower o' cunts!"
*****************
Stole that from a Garth Ennis comic book. Best group insult ever.
Next installment will be a while in the making. I don't know when my next day off is, and I'll be out of town and computer-less for a few days. Sorry guys, I really wish I could churn these out a little faster. Thanks for all your comments!
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if you ever make me wait this long for another installment, I'll... I'll... damnit, I hate empty threats.
This series never fails to amaze me. Good work, please hurry and finish this so I can re-read the whole thing at once.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fookin Brilliant Caes! Come out and play indead. The best one yet.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Friday fiction is the best.
Rolling down to the end. Good stuff.
PS - Everyone in my office thinks I'm a jackass cause this got me braying.
"Shower o' cunts! Shower o' cunts!"
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read it and commented. Not bad, dude. Hell can't be all bad if it's got half naked demon babes like that.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't we all just get along.
I'm kidding
Caes - read my part 2 (No grammatical fubars this time) *crosses fingers*
http://www.ubersite.com/m/76169
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
10,000 flavors of awesome.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Picture taken from http://www.peterkuper.com/ -- some cool images on that site.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dress 'em up, and make 'em reenact the Civil
War! Heh, heh, heh!
-- Homer Simpson
Homer the Great
Most appropriate random Simpsons quote I ever personally stumbled upon!!