Fuck Cosmo (1879 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.93 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-09-30 13:50:27 EDT
"Be explicit," they said. "It'll turn him on," they said.
"Put your mouth on the place where my urine comes out and then stick your tongue up my birth canal."
"Put your bacteria-laden mouth against mine and we'll rub our tongues together for awhile."
"Put your swollen penis in my mouth and wiggle it back and forth until the feigned sensation of coitus makes you ejaculate wasted semen onto my unsanitary tongue."
"I have this awesome idea! Let's take the place you piss from and shove it in that hole that oozes blood every now and then!"
"Caress my mammaries and lick the teats that expel milk for any infants that may slide squalling and slimy from the hole between my legs."
Women's magazines have a lot to answer for, like my sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future.
I'm making my own, for the women who don't WANT to succeed - at marriage, at life, at anything - who would, actually, quite prefer to be a content and serene failure.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-28 13:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I managed to leave for all of 30-40 minutes.
________________________
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-10-07 04:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you could run a kickass magazine. You'd already have a premium writer in yourself, thus low overhead. This was brilliant.
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Submitted by Kopesh (user info) at 2005-10-03 15:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you could go international... I'd translate for you if you want...
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-11 05:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so hawt!
Submitted by Vix (user info) at 2005-10-09 19:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahaha, I love the picture
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-10-07 04:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you could run a kickass magazine. You'd already have a premium writer in yourself, thus low overhead. This was brilliant.
Submitted by Kopesh (user info) at 2005-10-03 15:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you could go international... I'd translate for you if you want...
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-03 12:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to try that next time my boyfriend tells me to talk dirty to him.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-03 08:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-10-03 08:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-03 07:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-02 22:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
i'll subscribe!
Submitted by LamRoKi (user info) at 2005-10-01 22:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-10-01 16:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
meh
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHA
Submitted by alas_me (user info) at 2005-10-01 11:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I know that girl!
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-10-01 09:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/76210#1620199
We could have had this little cycle of 'thanking you for thanking me for thanking you, etc.' going on, but you had to break it. Way to go. Way to break the thanking. I am going to cry like a fat kid who has misplaced his chocolate cake, now.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-10-01 08:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear to God and sweet baby Jesus that I'm going to make a reality show out of you one day.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-10-01 06:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah fuck off lojope
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-10-01 06:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Octumber 45, 200?
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-01 05:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you in any way related to King Midas?
With how often you seem to just shit gold nuggets, it seemed a fair inquiry.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-10-01 04:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha cool post
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-09-30 19:59:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' EXCELLENT!
Submitted by pizdets (user info) at 2005-09-30 19:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:53:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Women look for ways to seduce men in magazines when all have to do is raise their hands and say "someone do me!"
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-09-30 17:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-09-30 16:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck cosmo is right
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-09-30 16:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're a nut
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-09-30 15:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-09-30 15:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cosmology is a dirty, dirty subject.
Phenomenological brane constructions in 11-dimensional heterotic M theory, my ass.
Fuck cosmo!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those descriptions were enough to keep me limp for minutes.
Submitted by The_Grammar_Nazi (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why did I expect this to be either an Anti-Kramer post, or some bizzarre Kramer erotic Fanfiction?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't stop laughing at this.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmmm, here I am thinking of the hot chick from one post, then I read this. Wow, nothing like a boner stopper. (That magazine would be like the Weekly World News, you would feel guiltier than hell buying it, but would do it anyway for the sure pleasure of the insantity posted inside!)
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BEautiful. Can I be a contributing editor?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:37:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. Between this and Jeaneee's poop story, I'll never be able to read and eat at the same time again. Thanks a million sugar.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:26:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:07:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck cosmo. right in its gaping asshole.
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The Sass speaks the truth.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit this was good Circe!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, your comments made sure I won't be having sex for a while, thanks for that. I'll add it to bad hygene, lack of social skill, borderline tourette's syndrome, open sores, and the sixty two other items on my "Reasons That Getting Laid Would Be a Goddamn Miracle" list.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
circe.
kicks.
ASS!!!! ahahaha.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Guys love a bitch with a dirty whore mouth.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I took microbiology in undergrad. The first thing I learned was: "Don't kiss me, your mouth is more disgusting that a dog's ass!"
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Stick your tounge up my birth canal"
Woo!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck cosmo. right in its gaping asshole.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You make sex sound so.....so......HOT!
I don't know why people don't put out magazines like this. They would sell so many fucking copies.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where did you get that picture of my Aunt?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-09-30 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ditto what Luce said.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
YES
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You rule.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd fucking marry you and I'm totally hetero.
That's how awesome you are.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you : )
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women look for ways to seduce men in magazines when all have to do is raise their hands and say "someone do me!"
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, fuck cosmo....
why again?
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-09-30 13:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where can I buy a subscription for my mom?