Fantasy Football Violence Round 2. (718 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.8 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (View user info) at 2005-10-03 04:39:41 EDT
Fantasy Football Violence Round Two.
(Rivers Of Blood.)
The Semi Final.
Game 1.
C1ndy V Towed88
C1ndy's Portsmouth managed to hold on to a 0-0 draw at home against the Newcastle visitors. A lack of goal action on the pitch was matched only by a disappointing lack of violent and aggressive behaviour from both the teams and their fans.
A single yellow card was picked up by Portsmouth's Vukic for diving like a typical foreign cunt leaving C1ndy with just 2 points!
Fortunately C to the 1's poor performance was matched by Man City's indifference to Towed88's need for bookings as well.
Man City, whilst getting a good 2-0 result against the skilful housebreakers of Everton FC still only managed to come away from the match with a single yellow card and a pathetic 2 points.
Subsequently we have a tie break situation. A quick trawl of the net in search for news reports on crowd trouble for each of the teams turned up this gem for Portsmouth.
"Football ban for violent girl, 15
Sam Jones
Saturday July 3, 2004
The Guardian
A 15-year-old girl has become the youngest female to be banned from football matches after admitting her part in a riot last season, it emerged yesterday.
Felicity Thorpe joined a 300-strong crowd of fans who went on the rampage after a derby match between Portsmouth and Southampton on March 21.
Around 400 police officers were needed to quell the violence near Portsmouth's Fratton Park stadium after they won the game 1-0."
Classic.
Imagine going to football only to be kicked half to death by a fifteen-year-old girl! Seriously it's shit like this that makes me proud to be English.
(Weeps with uncontrolled patriotism.)
Ways, the same search criteria for Towed88 turned up an article about Man City's efforts to stop crowd trouble....WTF??!?
Obviously this goes against all that we hold dear; clearly a small group are just trying to ruin it for everyone else!
To fuck it all anyway,
C1ndy pips it (skin of your teeth style.)
C1ndy did another dab of speed before doing up her flies and walking out of the toilets and into the bar of the Connaught Arms.
Heading to the bar she shoves a handful of pocket shrapnel towards the barmaid and orders a bottle of becks.
Just then the door opens and Towed88 walks in with a couple of his firm, not seeing C1ndy he sits at a corner table as his 2nd in command goes for drinks.
C1ndy changes her order for a bottle of Grolsh (bigger heavier bottle.) and drains it in one swift and practiced move before walking up to where Towed88 is sat.
"I think your in the wrong fucking pub you northern monkey!"
Towed88 looks up and the colour drains from his face.
SMASH
C1ndy breaks the bottle across his face before jamming the broken end in his neck and cheek and then hot foots it out of the pub and heads off down the road laughing like a banshee.
C1ndy goes through to the final.
Game 2.
Berty V Barnymeinhoff.
I must have been half asleep on Saturday when I checked on the results, I noticed the mighty West Ham had clocked up a number of bookings but failed to wait until full time before getting distracted and pooteling off to whatever.
So it was with a heavy heart that I watched Berty's Birmingham City rack up one red and one yellow in Sunday's game......fucked again I thought as I went to tot up the points
That's when I saw that West Ham had in fact received a fantastic 5 yellow cards by full time....so much for our fair play standings.
Points.
Berty - 5
(Nice try stumpy.)
Barnymeinhoff - 10
Berty nervously wheeled his chair through the dank back streets of east London.
Once or twice he heard running footsteps and laughter but when he turned around there was no one there.
He cursed God for taking his legs. If it hadn't been for this wheelchair he would not have been separated from the rest of the Zulu army so deep inside ICF territory.
Still, at least he had had a good view of the game not to mention access to some of England's largest toilets...maybe life wasn't so bad after all.
SMASH.
The bottle landed at the foot of his chair and he looked up into the eyes of the fifty or so ICF hoolies that were blocking the road ahead of him.
Barnymeinhoff walked slowly towards Berty who was struggling to turn his chair around.
"You wouldn't hit a man in a wheelchair would you?" pleaded Berty.
" I dunno." Said Barny as he tipped the chair onto its side.
"Lets find out."
Bertys screams were drowned out as fifty pairs of Reebok classics went to work on his face.
So there it is.
C1ndy and myself will go head to head (ooh err!) in the final next Monday.
Here's hoping I don't win my own fuck awful contest as I can hardly plus 2 my own crappy posts.
In the mean time I leave you with a photo I found on Hooliganet that proves that not all Uberer's are what they seem.....always the quiet ones!
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-10-29 11:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
woo hoo!
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-10-03 10:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit sorry I forgot
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-10-03 10:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm liking this. It's a shame more people didn't sign up.
And that I got my Fookin head kicked in 1st round.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-03 05:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a way to go. Probably karma for keying that Mondeo that was parked up in the disabled spot in Tesco.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-10-03 05:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh, C1ndy's giving the heil.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/76300
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-03 04:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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