Chicken Constellations (771 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.27 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lechuga (View user info) at 2005-10-03 16:07:22 EDT
This past weekend was one of celebration. I'd had four tests in the span of two days, and I was very mentally exhausted. Imagine your brain taking in all sorts of ridiculous knowledge, devouring it like Uncle Pete at Thanksgiving, undoing his belt and sitting on the couch, then throwing up all over the TV for two straight days.
That's what last week was like, except replace "Uncle Pete" with my brain. Friday night was spent at my friend's Sorority getting trashed and sleeping with two girls (more on that later), and Saturday was spent half sleeping, half being a dumb nerd and playing video games with my friends. Sunday, however, was the perfect nightcap to an awesome weekend.
I had a bit of homework I wanted to do earlier in the day that was due a night I had to work, but I planned on doing something fun as well. The two chicks from the Sorority called me up Sunday night and asked if I wanted to go grab some food with them. Seeing as though I don't have my car here, they would have to drive. I went over there and it turned out that they just wanted me to drive them to McDonalds because they were hammered. Dumbass drunk chicks are so easy to take advantage of.
Anyway, I still had nothing to do that night, so I drove them to McDonalds in one of their cars, which of course (in classic Sorority girl style) was a BMW X5. You know, those boxy piles of overpriced shit that run around getting 3 miles to the gallon? Yeah that's this one.
Upon reaching McDonalds, it was decided that the Drive-Thru was in order. They both ordered Chicken nuggets for some reason, and I got a Milkshake, because I refuse to eat the recycled pig intestines that is McDonalds food. I paid at the window and started to drive off back to campus when I heard an angry voice from the back . . .
Hurricane Katrina: What the fuck? These aren't chicken nuggets!
She showed me that they were indeed, not chicken nuggets. They were in the shape of stars and lightning bolts. After looking at them, I hear angry yelling from the passenger seat as well.
Luscious Lola: Hey I didn't get chicken nuggets either! I got these gay star shapes!
I asked them if they wanted to complain to the management about their lack of nuggets and surplus of celestial bodies, and both yelled out with a resounding yes. The only reason I asked was so I could fuck with the manager, who is a real prick.
I put on a classical music station, turned the volume way up, and drove to the second window again. Upon opening the window, the McDonalds employee was greeted with some random classical music blaring in her face, and a young kid in a hat at the wheel. I demanded to speak with the manager.
Justin: Uh, excuse me; I believe I ordered chicken nuggets, not distant celestial bodies. I want a refund.
Manager Dickweed: Those are the chicken nuggets that we have sir, they're made of the same chicken that nuggets are made of.
Justin: Yes but I ordered chicken NUGGETS, not Chicken Constellations. Do I look like an astronomer? An Astronaut? Am I jumping from Star to Star all nimbly-bimbly? What's going on with you guys, lying to the customers these days?
Manager Dickweed: Sir I can't hear you, please turn the music down--
Justin: Am I Zeus? I don't think I need lightning bolts. I'm just an average guy; I don't need to go all willy-nilly electrocuting things on the ground from Mt. Olympus or anything.
Manager Dickweed: Uh, sir I don't quite understand--
Justin: When you had fine wines on your menu, maybe I would accept oddly shaped food, but this is intolerable. Where do you get off shaping your chicken in whatever shape you please? Did you ask the chicken what shape it wanted to be? Maybe it wanted to be a spaceship!
Manager Dickweed:...
Justin: Just give me some sweet and sour sauce and we'll call it even.
With the classical music still going insanely loud, he hands me about seven plastic tubs filled with sauce and I drive off. I turn to both of the girls to see what they thought of my charade, but both had passed out and probably didn't witness a thing. But my charade shall live on through you, Uber.
I swear this actually happened.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-10-06 22:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves more reviews.
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-10-04 11:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would be very excited if my nuggets came in star shapes.
Now I'm hungry.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-04 04:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If this is true your a bit of a twat
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-04 01:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A well deserved plus two
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-03 21:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Justin: Yes but I ordered chicken NUGGETS, not Chicken Constellations. Do I look like an astronomer? An Astronaut? Am I jumping from Star to Star all nimbly-bimbly? What's going on with you guys, lying to the customers these days?
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hahahaha
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-10-03 19:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have used your creepy porn voice.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-03 19:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats my boy! Your sister, who incidently still doesn't know you exist, says "Hi" - or she would, if she knew about you...
So tell more about the girls?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-10-03 17:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Give to me large babies.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-03 17:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're screwed up.
Submitted by HighFructoseCornSyrup (user info) at 2005-10-03 17:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Mwaeh-mwah
Submitted by FallenZer0 (user info) at 2005-10-03 16:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I asked them if they wanted to complain to the management about their lack of nuggets and surplus of celestial bodies, and both yelled out with a resounding yes"
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-10-03 16:26:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ace. I know from experience.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-10-03 16:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Am I jumping from Star to Star all nimbly-bimbly?"
before i die, i want to be able to answer that question with a resounding "yes!"
i also liked the willy-nilly line.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-10-03 16:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was one of those gay AIM viruses that some fuck sent to me. I thought it was legit and clicked it. . . I deserve your 0 good sir.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-03 16:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Friday night was spent at my friend's Sorority getting trashed and sleeping with two girls."
No it wasn't.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-03 16:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to know what you tried to link me too the other day fucker!