Fuck My Birthday (696 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <m0ke34> (View user info) at 2005-10-03 16:26:58 EDT
It's my 24th birthday and the Cleveland Indians have already given me my most memorable present. Like mystical crap fairies, they snuck into my vacated room over the weekend and took a big old shit right in the middle of my bed. This is definitely not the first and most likely not the last Cleveland Steamer that my sports teams will grunt onto my duvet cover. However, that is just the first of issues.
My fucking AMEX bill is insanely out of control this month, and is due right before my next paycheck, meaning I have to play that wonderful russian-roulette-blow-the-postman-hit-the-time-window-where-the-check-doesnt-clear-before-the-direct deposit-hits-but-still-doesnt-miss-the-deadline game?
I drove to Philadelphia on Saturday night to see my GF, who got her . just in the nickity nick of fucking time to slow my roll. I woke up this morning (in Philly at 4 am) with a flat tire and lots of traffic ahead of me on my way back to NYC.
My boss called out of work, and I was late, pissing off his boss, who reported to my boss, who, despite being "sick" found the energy to dial 1+10 digits and break 1+12 inches off in my ass.
I am the one who is getting sick. It probably wouldnt be so bad except for my roommate's visitor and her cats to whom I am so very allergic.
In my ripe old age of 24, my wisdom teeth are starting to kill me. This is not news, I have been aware of impending doom since the little fuckers broke the surface, receded, broke the surface receded, broke the surface and bled for a week, receded and so on. However, I was unaware of the incompetence of my company's particular selection of dental insurance. So, I have to go to some crackpot chucky-cheese dentist to get an "in-network" referal to the oral surgeon who I am sure is the inspiration for the twisted metal character sweet tooth.
----tomorrow shouldn't be much better as the jewish holidays have we goyam (sp?---not that I have spellchecked the rest of it) picking up the slack for the hebrew revelers. grrrr. someone shove a pixie stick up my nose and kick me in the knee cap. 24 for 24 hrs to go!!!! I wanna be sedated.
User Reviews
Submitted by Magickmuse (user info) at 2005-10-04 01:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cleveland sports sucks, period. There is a curse and any fucking paranormalist need to look no further than cleveland sports teams for proof of other-worldly hocus pocus.
Wisdom teeth - I have impacted wisdom teeth, those assrams never fully developed, but then again do they ever? They are bitches. Mine were infected and fused to my jawbone. The 20 something dentist that pulled mine had a hell of a time gettin them out. I saw the fear in his eyes as he got them half-way out and proclaimed..."damn these are some motherfuckers" not what you want to hear as you sit there with pliers in your grill. But finally I grabbed him by the collar and said in a sort of numbed up voice..."just pull the Motherfuckers out you skinny bitch" it was the oommph he needed to get the job done.
Good luck with yours...hahahahahaha.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-03 20:54:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I remember when I was 24 but it didn't suck THIS bad.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-10-03 19:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy fucking birthday.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-10-03 18:10:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wisdom teeth...oh god... I had those all out when I was 18 and it hurt like hell. I did my final exams loaded on pain killers and somehow managed to not fall asleep. Great few weeks, those.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-10-03 17:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday.
It doesn't hurt to get your wisdom teeth out, it's just a strange feeling if they're really impacted and someone is quite literally hammering into your face.
Ask to chase it with some vicodin. I made a weekend of it and got some vodka to go with the pills and can't say that I've ever had more fun after visiting the doctor to get parts removed.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-10-03 16:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude. That sucks.
Auto Ramones +2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-03 16:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um... happy birthday?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-10-03 16:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Imagine having to clean 60 turds off of your bed.