A nympho on the phone, grandma up the stairs and pancakes on my mind (743 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Aladdin El Salhadin <gaiijinninja.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-10-03 19:50:42 EDT
I remember the beauty of that Monday. It was a public holiday, sunny and the day just screamed 'go and play at the beach'. Unfortunately; like every other final year high school student in New South Wales, I will not be able to do this. I have to study for my Higher School Certificate (HSC).
In Australia, the HSC basically dictates what course you can attend at university based upon what assessment mark is obtained in a series of private and public assessments. Regardless to say, it is the most stressful time period that I have ever undergone.
However, I am not a naturally studious person. I do not like to study, revise or learn. Thankfully, I realize this deficiency and decided to move to my grandmother's house for the duration of my revision period before the exam.
The rationale: There is nothing to do there so studying is the best option.
It's been eight of the worst days of my life. I wake up, study and then hit the Internet searching for entertainment. I usually fail and then go back and study some more.
The time has been very well utilized, but it has been tedious and tiresome beyond belief.
At the end of the eighth day, I decide that I need some form of social interaction beyond my grandmother's constant erratic statement regarding the weakness of other races and my grandfather's 'get 100%' speeches.
I decide to call up Grace.
Grace is perhaps one of the coolest people in the entire universe. She's hot, she likes to laugh and she has a body that would make a supermodel jealous. Her awesomeness is pretty high on the scale and if I wasn't so anti-monogamy, I would ask her out in a heartbeat.
We start to talk on the phone and we go through the standard topics. We start by bitch about studying, bitch about how we missed a great day and bitch about how horny we are.
The last one came as a surprise. Grace never, ever, ever admits openly that she is horny.
I press the offensive, I ask all about her condition. I ask the questions that need to be asked, to satisfy my own curiosity about this girl who usually considers sex to be a taboo topic.
She expertly manages to divert the conversation away from my smut and to a perfectly innocuous topic of pancakes. We start to discuss the shape, taste, size and altogether amazing properties of the pancake.
The detail we went into was amazing, how much we loved the taste and texture. How much a chocolate chip pancake covered in vanilla ice-cream would be heaven.
The image pop's into my head and I can literally feel myself start to salivate. There is no action which would be wrong if it got me closer to my goal of pancakes.
The house is dead silent, I feel like a fifteen year old sneaking out for the first time.
I am not proud to admit it, but I considered of stealing my grandmother's car and taking it to go and eat pancakes. I was prepared to throw away year's of love and trust just so I could enjoy the taste of deliciousness that only a pancake could bring.
However, events took a strange turn for themselves before I could move.
My ear's started to gain catlike clarity. I could sense the tiniest changes in the air and I swear that on the other end, I began to hear moaning.
I have never felt anything like it. I lay there, completely horny and hungry. The two sensations had transformed into a mutant feeling that was so beyond my understanding. I needed pancakes and I needed them then.
I continue to hear moaning, softly punctuated by the sound of the word 'pancakes' being uttered every few seconds and I know that I am in trouble.
"You do realize this is weird, right?"
"This is very very weird and it is very wrong"
"Then why can't I stop?"
"Cause it feels so wrong that it has to be right?"
There are some things in life you don't question. When you discover that the word pancakes has this much effect on someone, it is a gift from the divine.
I sat there for a few second's, just enjoying the soft squealing on the other end of the phone. If I were anywhere else in the world, I would have done anything to get myself to her. As it stood, I was a very horny boy in the place I grew up and any sort of action like that would have been completely unthinkable.
My acute hearing, augmented by my new sense of arousal began to pick up the sound of footsteps. It was probably my grandmother, making the midnight rounds and checking that nobody had snuck into our house to prepare an ambush.
I was now stuck with a very difficult decision. Do I hang up on a girl who is wildly horny or should I risk getting caught with a massive boner while chatting on the phone?
"Grace, I got to go"
"No don't, stay"
This was a weird situation. Grace was not the kind of girl to make requests of this nature, she was kind and sweet and this was not the kind of action that she was inclined to get herself into. I felt monstrously bad; it isn't nice to leave people in that state of tease. I explained the situation as well as I could and then left.
The next day I went over and apologized. I also promised that I would never tell anybody about the weird shit that happened that night.
I also took a little gift with me...
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-10-04 18:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice. if only i could get a girl turned on with pancakes...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-04 13:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-04 05:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-04 02:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a good read, and the chick's name is Grace...
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-10-04 00:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2005-10-03 21:40:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-10-03 20:17:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
oh come on.
break up with your girlfriend and get with Grace.
duh!
----
He's anti-monogamy you noob. Grade 8 reading comprehension would suggest that he's saying he doesn't want to ask her out because then he'd be being monogamous. He SHOULD bone that while eating pancakes.
_________
who are you?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-03 23:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2005-10-03 21:40:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-10-03 20:17:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
oh come on.
break up with your girlfriend and get with Grace.
duh!
----
He's anti-monogamy you noob. Grade 8 reading comprehension would suggest that he's saying he doesn't want to ask her out because then he'd be being monogamous. He SHOULD bone that while eating pancakes.
_________________________________________________________
WHAT!!??!! No!! NEVER!! NEVAR bone ANYTHING while eating pancakes!
Really. The Pancake Gods will kill you and all your friends if you
do that. Eat P'cakes and then bone, or vice vera. Nevear both at once.
FOR SHAME!!!
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-10-03 22:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+++
Take Hotcakes-Grace out for an IHOP stop-n-pop. See what you can stir up with the syrup.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2005-10-03 21:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-10-03 20:17:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
oh come on.
break up with your girlfriend and get with Grace.
duh!
----
He's anti-monogamy you noob. Grade 8 reading comprehension would suggest that he's saying he doesn't want to ask her out because then he'd be being monogamous. He SHOULD bone that while eating pancakes.
Submitted by Psycosis (user info) at 2005-10-03 20:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This gave me a semi.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-03 20:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Panus Cakeus, the Latin for good food. . .
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-03 20:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now I WANT some fucking pancakes. Thanks for nothing.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-10-03 20:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
oh come on.
break up with your girlfriend and get with Grace.
duh!
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-10-03 20:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eh, I laughed.
Submitted by supervixen (user info) at 2005-10-03 19:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha, HSC. QCS much easier.