The Incredible Adventure of Jonathan Dingleberry (981 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.4 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cellar_door (View user info) at 2003-05-20 07:24:09 EDT
Long, but funny:
Jonathan Dingleberry lived in a house made of sand
But as everyone knows a house of sand will not stand
So every day the tide came and washed it away
Then Jonathan rebuilt it the Dingleberry way
For his family had lived in the sand through the years
Why, the ocean was close enough to keep cold your beers
Still the ocean would always want to take one for itself
It got harder to keep stocked the sand bar himself
So young Jonathan went out in search of a bride
But what I won't tell you is if he lived or he died
It began when he stepped from the sand to the street
It felt strange and unmoving beneath his beach loving feet
It was sunny and bright so there were out girls galore
The fishing lines he dropped is what kept him from a score
"I'm a son of the beach," "Dingleberry's the name,"
"Hey, I got crabs," were the words that had came
Finally he got hit for saying something like this
"You smell like seaweed, I bet you taste like a fish."
Jonathan was undaunted in his search for a wife
His sand castle dwelling companion for life
And so he walked farther into the big city scene
It smelled less like salt and a lot like gasoline
He ran into a lady and she seemed quite nice
Until she quoted him her exuberant price
The bag lady's smell brought him hopeful joy
But she thought that she was Helena of Troy
The girl in the alley said she had bags of weed
But they smelled like a skunk and not like the sea
Farther down the alley Dingleberry found his chance
When a girl came up and asked for what's in his pants
But when she pulled a gun, took his wallet, and then ran
Jonathan Dingleberry felt like less of a man
He decided to go home, drink a beer, eat some squid
And to be quite honest, that is just what he did
Of course this story ends happily near the coral
Unlike those German fairy tales with no moral
Jon went out for a swim, actually it was a bath
(And he likes the smell of fish, hey, you do the math)
He was so depressed when the undertow pulled him down
That he thought quite solemnly, "Well, I guess now I'll drown."
And on down he went 'till it was more and more dark
Then something caught his eye, he thought it was a shark
But it was light blonde hair and legs that weren't kicking
And he knew there was just no choice to be picking
He pushed to the surface and grabbed her by the arm
Luckily he hit air just before he bought the farm
He swam to the beach with the speed of a dolphin
Probably because he has raced them quite often
And to his sand fortress the girl he did carry
For one look at her and he knew they would marry
She had seaweed tangled in her hair as if braided
Her eyes never closed and her smell never faded
Her mouth would never change from the shape of an O
But he thought maybe that's the way Thai women go
For now every night he thanks the stars for that island
Printed on her feet is Manufactured in Thailand
User Reviews
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-05-20 14:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rizzo, I don't think you know what a dingleberry is. It's not one of those genital warts you have...
;-)
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2003-05-20 13:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it. Amusing with a little twist at the end.
At least she won't nag him.
-TUrtle
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-05-20 11:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry, the meter was so awful I stopped reading.
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-05-20 11:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha, I thought it was about necrophelia at first. Either way it's pretty funny. Dr suess on crack.
Peace,
STREETPUNK
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-05-20 09:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One time I had this dingleberry. It itched like hell.