That Guy in the Pet Shop can Bite My Ass (732 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.62 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TheSunGod (View user info) at 2005-10-05 08:43:10 EDT
On Sundays I run a pet shop for a little extra cash. The pay sucks, but I do get a 40% discount on everything that I buy in the store, so I keep plugging in those weekend hours. It gives me a chance to watch what new fish are coming in, so I can snag the good ones when they come along and put them in my home aquarium.
I love the job, I love the people I work with, and there's no better way to spend a Sunday than watching cute little kids play with cute little critters. BUT... There is one type of customer who can make all of that pleasantry disappear in moments. And our bad customer ONLY visits on Sundays.
He's the Over-Educated Expert On Everything. He's our little pet shop bitch, the guy who wishes he could have a job there if he weren't so over-qualified. The OEEOE comes in and tells us EVERYTHING that is wrong with EVERYTHING. "Oh, your caulerpa algae over here is starting to look a bit pale, you've got some calcarous algae built up in this tank, and your freshwater filtration system is SORELY underpowered..." He nitpicks over every tiny flaw, and will refuse to buy a fish from one tank because there is a fish in a completely different tank which looks like it might be a little ill.
Aside from pointing out our mistakes (or things we just haven't gotten around to fixing that day), OEEOE also LOVES to boast about his utopian fishtank, in which every living habitant is at 100% homeostasis and nothing ever goes wrong.
The other day he came in right before my lunch break, and caught me on my way out the door. As he grabbed my arm I noticed the very distinct odor of fish, even over all the aquariums around us. It was coming from him. He then proceeded to drag me over and show me an Atlantic blue tang which has been feeling under the weather, and demanded its removal from the tank. He then launched into a brief synopsis of why his tank is so wonderful, taking only ten minutes to do so.
Ten minutes. As I'm trying to go on break, OEEOE wants to brag to me for ten minutes about his 250-gallon reef tank, its twin 75-gallon sump pumps, double protein skimmers, $3000 lighting assembly, blahblahblah... I stopped his speech by raising one finger in the international "Just a goddamn minute!" sign. I told him two things and walked away, leaving him entirely dumbfounded.
"My tank is bigger than the whole world, and you smell a little like fish. I have to go to lunch now, goodbye."
And that was that.
User Reviews
Submitted by athena (user info) at 2005-10-07 12:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+ 2 for having a gay fish and making me laugh
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-10-05 17:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. I hate people that are OEEOE.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-05 15:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-05 09:15:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're pretty hot. Never knew that.
Also, when I start setting up my saltwater tank, I'll be bugging you for tips. Mostly because I have no clue what I'm doing.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-10-05 13:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-05 13:13:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you tweaking your nipple as you flick off the camera in that picture? Because I find that impressive. And slightly disturbing.
...............
not really tweaking, i'm too sensitive. more of a slow and gentle flicking motion.
seriously, my nipples are more sensitive than my "unit". i kinda like it.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-05 13:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you tweaking your nipple as you flick off the camera in that picture? Because I find that impressive. And slightly disturbing.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-10-05 11:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-10-05 11:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice tank. I would change mine to a marine tank, but the fish are too expensive
Submitted by DieKreutzen (user info) at 2005-10-05 11:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-10-05 10:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-05 10:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're sexy, fish-boy.
Submitted by supervixen (user info) at 2005-10-05 09:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmm, hot indeed :)
nice fishtank too
Submitted by hostileapostle (user info) at 2005-10-05 09:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you always shirtless when you're playing with your fishtank?
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-10-05 09:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dave gorman? i have no idea who he is, but i looked up his pics and we have nothing similar in our appearances except that we're both white and have brown hair.
does he have a hot fishtank? WELL DOES HE?!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-05 09:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're pretty hot. Never knew that.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-05 09:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You look like Dave Gorman.
I have to say I've never understood fish tank ownership.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-05 09:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey maby he was lonely...ever considered that?....you pet shop boys are all the same.
Submitted by Lobo (user info) at 2005-10-05 09:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ignore fuckface. He seems to be missing a glaring contradiction when he says you're not funny.
Submitted by Lucia (user info) at 2005-10-05 09:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're soooooo sexy, wish you were my boyfriend. +2 for sexiness but -2 for not making me laugh...
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-10-05 08:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck one of the fish and post a picture, then I might laugh
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-10-05 08:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, i really just wanted to post a bunch of pictures of my tank so i came up with a reason to do so. OEEOE seemed like a likely candidate, and i threw in some lame-ass jokes just to get people to look at my fishtank. AND YOU DID!
but i really do think that blue damsel is kinda fey.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-10-05 08:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not funny, just really try-hard