Trials and Tribulations of American Travel... (709 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.88 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by S R (View user info) at 2005-10-05 16:20:30 EDT
'Excuse me, Mr. Campbell, I'm not permitted to let you board that plane.'
Whoa, whoa, whoa- I thought to myself. There is no way some ticket pushing airport desk jockey is going to stop me from getting to watch my precious Green Bay Packers.
'Pardon? What's the problem, you cunt master face whore*?'
'Well you seem to be a danger to the flight Mr. Campbell, you're on the FBI's no fly list'
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP...
'Whoa, Backup a second there, FBI? No fly lists?'
I've heard of both of these before but I was pretty irate because I was running a little behind for the flight and wanted to make sure I'd get to my gate in time so I could sit down and wait some more while I keep hearing over the intercom system how dangerous it is to leave my bags alone for even one second in the airport because they may bring in a bomb squad.
(I actually thought about bringing an extra bag and just leaving it in a corner and sit back and see how long it would take for someone to do something about it and what would they do, would they cordon off the whole gate? Terminal? Or even airport and ground all flights, that be cool. But then I realized they would just check the tapes and I'd get busted ah well, next time)
Anyway back to my predicament.
'I'm sorry but there is nothing I can do'
'Well you flat brow twat licker*, I'd like to your supervisor'
'I am the supervisor, sir. '
'So you are the one who put me on this list, you anal fisted shitwiper*?'
'Well, no that's up to...'
'Ah, ah, ah... then please proceed and let me talk to someone that matters'
I was getting pretty irate, because I've never seen a NFL football game and I was traveling to Charlotte, North Carolina for one reason only: My Green Bay Packers and Monday Night football.
'Ok, please hold on, Mr. Campbell'
I do have to say she was being polite the whole time, which is pretty ridiculous because her company US Airways wasn't letting me fly anyway so it's not like they were getting my business again.
She makes some pretend phone calls and comes back
'I'm sorry there is just nothing I can do'
'Thanks a lot, you toe fucking bimbo ride*'
With no clue what to do, I wandered the airport for a while thinking I'll have to find a Canadian embassy or something to get out of this country. So I decide to go to the next best place the Air Canada counters.
I explain the situation.
Within 10 minutes the situation is all cleared up, apparently there is a guy in the IRA with the exact same name as me, even middle name. But Air Canada decided to look at the birth dates, which were different.
I checked into my flight and all was clear I decided to go back the US airways check-in before I went by security. I waved my ticket and smiled at the little crack ho urine drinker*...
Lastly, why the hell do they have seatbelts on planes? If the plane is going down I don't think that's going to do it for ya. Who cares about turbulence, just hang on for the ride, it's like hitting a bump on a school bus, which don't have seatbelts!!!! Are the forensics people going through the rubble and going well passenger in seat 14A clearly died of not wearing his seatbelt, as for passenger in seat 21E clearly saved himself by using the seatbelt, if there wasn't a massive explosion of impact he would have made it.
*please note, for a more accurate account of events please change all (*) for mame, miss, or misses.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-06 14:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-10-06 04:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Grrrr, I hate being told you not able to fly. Ticketing error my arse, Malaysian Airlines.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-05 22:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2005-10-05 21:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Moral of the story... don't fly US?
Submitted by Lucylou (user info) at 2005-10-05 21:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm, they looked a lot rounder and fuller when I rated. Those look kind of like a surgical botch-up.
Submitted by Lucylou (user info) at 2005-10-05 21:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(*)(*) BOOBIES!
I'm bored.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2005-10-05 20:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Americans are faggots. Everyone knows that. Why would you want to go there? And American Football is full of faggots and niggers, making it the most homo-erotic sport in the world. Ahead of Anal Poling, a Polish sport.
However. Anti American Anything = +2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-05 18:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-05 16:41:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Of COURSE Caulain +2'd this.
Caul you faggy french-wannabe fuck. I oughta beat the shenannigans out of you!!
===
??????????????
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-10-05 18:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
( )( )
It's my brother's big fat ass. I'm bored.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-05 17:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
~'" "'~
~~
------------
____________
I have no idea what that is, but it is like nothing I've ever seen before!
<lays another 10-strip on tongue>
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-05 17:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
( * ) It's an asshole. I'm bored.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-10-05 17:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
t(o_O t) It's a guy flipping people off. I'm bored.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-10-05 17:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:- its a cock and balls. im bored.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-10-05 16:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:-(~|--<
it's a person with a broken neck.
i'm bored.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-05 16:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Of COURSE Caulain +2'd this.
Caul you faggy french-wannabe fuck. I oughta beat the shenannigans out of you!!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-05 16:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They encourage you to wear your seatbelt so that if the plane crashes they can easily identify the bodies by matching them up with the names on the flight's manifest.
Good times, huh?
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-10-05 16:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 GO PACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
+2 GO PACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
+2 GO PACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
+2 GO PACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
+2 GO PACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
too bad they lost the game though :(
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-05 16:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-10-05 16:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-10-05 16:23:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
In the Lynyrd Skynyrd plane crash, the band members survived because they were wearing seatbelts when the plane plunged into the swamp. The others flew forward into the front of the plane and broke their necks.
Just something I was watching on some VHI special.
---------
I asked, I recieved...thx
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-10-05 16:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the Lynyrd Skynyrd plane crash, the band members survived because they were wearing seatbelts when the plane plunged into the swamp. The others flew forward into the front of the plane and broke their necks.
Just something I was watching on some VHI special.